More bad news

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comfort blanket
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:59 am

Re: More bad news

Post by comfort blanket » Tue Sep 10, 2019 8:35 pm

Oh Gloria ……… hang in there lovely lady xxx
You sound like you are drowning - I wish I could rescue you from the sea of despair you are in.
Please keep us in the loop with what is going on - all we can do is support you on here, like you support all of us
Stay strong xxxxxxxx

Posts: 39
Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 7:56 pm

Re: More bad news

Post by Bluebelle57 » Tue Sep 10, 2019 10:21 pm

I’ve not been on here for a while and I am really sorry to hear that you have been going through such a tough time Gloria,
Your responses to my posts in the past and others Have helped so many of us and I pray that you find the strength to get through this. Sometimes it feels like we cannot bear any more and believe me I know that feeling. My husband and I are in our sixties too and it is exhausting and tiring to still be having all this stress, anxiety worry etc I pray that your sons condition improves. much love Bluebelle x

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Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: More bad news

Post by gloria1953 » Wed Sep 11, 2019 6:19 am

Thank you so much, ladies. It is the uncertainty that is killing me. I am afraid to breathe. My entire life I have been an anxious person but this has increased exponentially since I found out about my son's addiction in late 2014. I have become hyper-vigilant and the least thing can either make me fly off the handle or descend into despair. I am sure all of you know that what this feels like.

I have done so many things the wrong way. At first I thought that when he stopped using he would be okay. What a laugh. Then I thought as long as he wasn't doing heroin I could live with the coke and the ketamine. I couldn't and I shouldn't have. I believed what he said when he said he had it under control in face of the fact that I saw otherwise. I allowed people into my home that I never should have. I know exactly who it was that he was with the night he shot up cocaine and the fact that they disrespected me like that enrages me.

I know now that it must be total sobriety or nothing and I hope that he is telling the truth when he says the same. Because the real truth is that even if he doesn't need an op (please God) his heart is permanently damaged. Cocaine could kill him outright.

Tomorrow they do the echo-cardiogram which will tell whether the vegetation has not grown. My heart will be in my mouth the entire day. On Friday he will either be coming home or being wheeled into surgery. I have never prayed so hard in my life.

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Joined: Thu May 16, 2019 6:54 am

Re: More bad news

Post by Cat67 » Wed Sep 11, 2019 7:39 am

Gloria, my heart goes out to you, you are such an amazing person and have helped us all on here with your kind words and experience. I have only been on this path since March of this year when I found out my son was addicted to heroin. It has changed me forever. I too suffered from chronic anxiety prior to finding out about my son but this is another level. My son is doing well on his treatment programme and will be doing his second reduction of subutex (espranol) at the end of this month. He also has a drink problem which he says he will deal with after his opioid addiction. It feels like a never ending journey with no guarantees at the end of it. I attended my first family support meeting yesterday, I forced myself to go and am so pleased I did. Meeting other Mums who are going through the same was a comfort to me and I will continue to go each week now. How we all deal with this is a mystery to me but somehow we do, sending love to you Gloria xx

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Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: More bad news

Post by gloria1953 » Wed Sep 11, 2019 9:17 am

Thank you so much Cat.

Yes we are changed forever and I am afraid not in a good way. This experience has not in anyway enriched my life or made me a better person.

I am so glad that your son is working his programme - as long as they do this there is indeed hope. I cannot stress how important it is for them to have total abstinence. I allowed my son to convince me that as long as it was not heroin it was okay. It is not. But, yes one addiction at a time!

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Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2019 9:29 am

Re: More bad news

Post by Paulette » Wed Sep 11, 2019 9:32 am

Reading our posts I realise that we slip into accepting terrible things over time, because they seem to be normal in our family. But in our hearts we know the truth, and so we feel more and more isolated. This forum is so helpful in reducing our isolation.
Gloria, try not to dwell on the past. It is what it is. We can't change it, tho of course we can learn from our mistakes, and be kind to ourselves be cause we did the best we could at the time.
sometimes its impossible to be strong. We're all rooting for you. Take care, be kind to yourself

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