Newbie: hubby gone cold turkey after 30+ years smoking weed. HELP

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NotSoHappySpouse
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2020 5:03 pm

Newbie: hubby gone cold turkey after 30+ years smoking weed. HELP

Post by NotSoHappySpouse »

Hi,
After 30 years+ smoking weed on a daily basis, maybe up to 3-4 times a day, especially at weekends, my husband has decided to go cold turkey and stop. He still takes nicotine chewing gum, but that is slowly stopping. It was his decision - I have always turned a blind eye to his addiction. It happened early February, and since then our marriage has been dreadful.

He has become paranoid and imagines I've said something that I haven't. He also has become really mean and cruel with things he says to me. I'm in tears half the time and our sex life is gone from 10/10 to a minus. We only got married in April 2019 so we've yet to be married a year.

I haven't the courage to talk to him about this and see if he has Cannabis Withdrawal Syndrome, he's finding excuses for everything and feels it's just us that are no longer on the same wave length. It's not the first time that I've noticed his personality change. We've been together for six years and EVERY time we go abroad we end up arguing, not being intimate and usually me crying.

I'm reaching out to anyone here who's other half who has had a personality change since stopping. How do I manage this? Do I tell him I think he has CWS? He's only mean to me, no one else. I've confided in my best friend, but have no one else to talk to as he's never admitted smoking to any of his friends and family.

Any advice or support would be gratefully appreciated. I love this man, he is an incredible person. This is not his normal character, but I'm wondering how long I can manage this life as my first long relationship was with a man who emotionally, and on occasion, physically abused me. I see the signs of emotional abuse now. Not sure I can free fall down that rabbit hole again.....

Poetry
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Newbie: hubby gone cold turkey after 30+ years smoking weed. HELP

Post by Poetry »

Hello, Notsohappyspouse. Sad to hear that you are so recently married and now so worried about your husband's behaviour. This must be particularly daunting as you have suffered in a previous relationship.

I'm aware that you are posting at a time when many on here will be making arrangements to care for kids at home/look after elderly relations and so on, and so wonder might the responses be slow in coming. The reason I mention it is that it is my son who is the addict (Living away from home and estranged from me) so the situation is a bit different. A number of people on here are in your situation, though.

I suggest you read LOTS of "back numbers" on the forum. For example, you could read all my posts were you so minded and will see how this addiction horror is something which ONLY the user can take control of.

All you can do is monitor this situation and hope that your husband realises that he is in trouble, and quits. Most of us have found out that our efforts are pretty useless. Any addict who comes through does it, I think, almost DESPITE our efforts.

Do look after yourself. Difficult, difficult days. P. x

NotSoHappySpouse
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2020 5:03 pm

Re: Newbie: hubby gone cold turkey after 30+ years smoking weed. HELP

Post by NotSoHappySpouse »

Thank you Poetry for replying. Yes, I'm sure everyone is struggling just now. It feels great just to have a reply of hello, so greatly appreciated.

It's tough for us watching addicts as all the hard work has been done by my husband, he has given up 100% which is an incredible feat. It's just that now he is a completely different person and I just want the old hubby back. But I feel a sense of selfishness when I write that. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to go cold turkey.

I guess another thing I am worried about is that he always had this emotional abusive personality, but the weed meant this cruel part of his personality didn't show?

Enough moaning, there's worse things going on in the world, eh?

:-)

Poetry
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Newbie: hubby gone cold turkey after 30+ years smoking weed. HELP

Post by Poetry »

Please keep in touch on here. It's a time of change for you, and husband may well succeed. Hard for you to be observing this situation and feeling so anxious and insecure. Yes, world problems, but our own personal anguishes still loom large and will be there (maybe) when the pandemic slows and ceases. Good night. P

Paulette
Posts: 77
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2019 9:29 am

Re: Newbie: hubby gone cold turkey after 30+ years smoking weed. HELP

Post by Paulette »

Hello Newbie
Like Poetry, my addict is my son, but her recommendation to read previous posts is a good one. There are others in your situation on here so reading their stories will make you feel less alone.
In these strange and troubling times it's especially hard to be so worried about a loved one because that worry comes on top of all the other practical and emotional concerns that everyone has. So don't feel your worries are any less valid or any less important.
My addict son is in prison. There is already one confirmed case in the prison. They are all on lockdown but he has access to the phone and is ringing me regularly because he is scared - for himself and for his family. I'm trying to reassure him, but a bit of me feels angry and resentful and a lot of me feels frightened because lord only knows what he's done to his body and whether or not that makes him vulnerable. And if they do decide to release some prisoners early, if it's him, where would he go?
I think going cold turkey is admirable. But probably very hard, and very much about him, rather than about your relationship. I guess you have to take one day at a time - like we all do. Or even just part of a day. At the moment, I've got more energy in the mornings, so I try to make a bit of a plan for how I will spend the day but if I can't do it, I try not to get angry with myself! Maybe try to find time during the day to rest and feel calm - even if that's by having a long bath with the door firmly locked so you won't be disturbed.
Take care, and keep coming back here
Sending hugs
Pxx

Poetry
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Newbie: hubby gone cold turkey after 30+ years smoking weed. HELP

Post by Poetry »

Pleased to hear from you, Paulette. I so understand how you must feel about prison and your son atm. I'm glad he is calling on your reserves of maternal love (inexhaustible) but the strain on you is immense.

My addict is not in touch with me, but we did have an emotionally blackmailing text saying he was recycling tobacco from dropped cigarettes and might we send money for cigs! We declined. He is of course in danger of contracting the virus and is not in good shape. I'm just accepting it. My middle son is in the Met. and exposed every day. He is not allowed to work from home. Bless him.

Spot on advice to Newbie.

Hugs to both. Poetry. x

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