Teenage cannabis

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LW280671
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 12, 2020 12:16 pm

Teenage cannabis

Post by LW280671 »

Hi
I’ve joined this site as I am a very worried mum who doesn’t know what to do or where to go for support.
My 15 year old son has periodically been smoking cannabis for 9 months. Every time he’s been caught, he stops and then starts again weeks later.
We caught him earlier this week and he admitted to daily use which is more than previously.
I’ve read a lot some say “it’s only weed it’s not the end of the world” whilst others say stop it now before it goes any further.
I tell him he’s grounded but he still goes out.
I am very anti drugs so want to do all I can to stop him using but I don’t want to push him into using harder drugs or push him away.
His school attendance has been poor for the past 2 years.
If I’m being honest the past few weeks he has been amazing. Great company and fun to be around so I was distraught to learn he had been using during this time.
He says he likes doing it and it makes him feel good.
Have you been through something similar? If so what do I do?

LM66
Posts: 1031
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by LM66 »

Hi LW,

My own thoughts are that weed isn't ok. Yes he will feel good initially, as it increases the level of dopamine in the brain. However, it is also a mind altering drug. My son became apathetic, low mood, expressed suicidal ideation, no motivation for anything, due to smoking weed. There are so many different strains now too, of which some are very strong.
Where is he getting the money to buy weed? I would ensure that he didnt have money. Don't give him money. You say you tell him he is grounded, but he still goes out - he is showing a lack of respect for you.
I once removed everything from my sons room - RV, playstation, laptop and his mobile phone - which I paid for! I mase him earn each one back. This situation had nothing to do with drug use at the time, he was being so disrespectful and obnoxious, and I had reaxhed my limit.
I believe everyone needs boundaries. You need to set them and be prepared to follow rhrough with any consequences.
Everyone deals with situations differently and I can only share my experiences.
My son was a bit older when the sh*t hir the fan with drug use. - 19. He was smoking weed, bringing it into the house, and as we discovered, dealing! For a whole year prior to rhis, we had spoken with him about his behaviour
and asked him to pull his head in or he would not be able to live in our family home. His behaviour continued and escalated and he was asked to leave. It broke my heart into a million pieces.
He has had a 6 year spiral and progresses to smoking heroin. He has spent the ast year almost, in prison - due for release soon.
I would think about boundaries to put in place for your son. There are no guarantees however. He is young enough to turn things around - if he chooses to. He may not want to. I would also advise protecting yourself and your belongings.
Social services may also be able to advise you of any support available . Keep in mind though, he may have no desire to stop.
Keep coming ro the board. There are a few of us parents who try to support each other.
Sensing love
L x

LM66
Posts: 1031
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by LM66 »

Jeezo - forgive the typing errors. Im using my mobile, and my fingers hit the wrong letter. Didn't notice until after zi posted

dramaqueen
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by dramaqueen »

Hi LW,

I have had the same problem with two of my teenagers, now age 15 and 18 - if you read through the posts on here you will see that I have been posting for a few months now. In my case, I stopped pocket money for the 17 year old (now 18). During lockdown I have also stopped pocket money for the 15 year old. I have said that I have zero tolerance for drugs under my roof; that I will do spot checks and throw out any drugs that I find. I have done that a couple of times now.

Having said that, I caught both of them smoking a joint over the Easter weekend - again in their bedroom, in my house, so they have not obeyed the rule I imposed. Also, before lockdown my 15 year old started hanging out with a large crowd of kids at least a year older than him and he admits to me that he smokes cannabis with them. My view is that social smoking is better than lone smoking and I would prefer him to be open with me. We have also discussed other drugs and he claims not to have tried anything else (but is regularly offered Es apparently; and ketamine is also freely available).

My 18 year old got really bad in November last year, smoking in his bedroom every night and sleeping through school the next day. It had escalated very fast from when I first caught him smoking in August. I involved his dad and threw out all of his drugs paraphernalia. He told me in February that he felt much better for stopping, but I suspect he has started smoking again. When he goes out for his daily exercise, he avoids me when he comes back in and a couple of times I have thought he smells a bit like smoke.

It is really hard as a parent, and I am on my own with them but I am learning to reach out for help. I am trying to ensure that I speak to their dad whenever anything happens that concerns me, so that I don't have to live with the knowledge on my own and also receive suggestions from him. I have also been offered support via CAMHS and am taking part in a course on Non Violent Resistance (NVR) to help with the (rather more rebellious) 15 year old.

It is exhausting and really worrying, especially as they think they know better! Good luck and please stay in touch.

DQ
Last edited by dramaqueen on Wed May 20, 2020 6:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

lesleerose
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by lesleerose »

Dear LW my daughter started using substances over 20 years ago my heart was broken many times over and am all cried out ... She eventually turned to heroin despite me doing everything possible ... I myself am a recovering Alcoholic 36 years 22 years sober ... Your children are gravely ill mentally physically mentally and spiritually and they need to want to stop ... There are 2 fellowships for drugs one in CA and the other is NA get some literature from both organisations and leave it in there room a little action won’t do any harm and it may plant a seed ...
The worst thing about this illness is only the patient can help themselves no one can do it for them as a mother I know the heartbreak and feeling completely helpless and hopeless but having joined this forum I no longer feel alone and the support has been incredible thanks guys
Love leslee

LW280671
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 12, 2020 12:16 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by LW280671 »

Thanks all.
It’s heartbreaking to hear your stories and the dreadful effect drugs can have on your family.
I do not and will never allow him to bring drugs in my house. In the 2 occasions he has I have made him watch as I destroy it all.
I know he and his friends have a hiding place somewhere.
I haven’t given him money (more than £1) for months which worries me as where does he get the money to buy it. He says he saves the odd £1 and he and his friends buy it between them.
My main worry is he says he doesn’t want to stop and I know he’s the only one who can stop and he needs to want to.
I have a call with CAMHS next week but my son is unlikely to participate in the call.
I worry about his future and the lasting effect taking drugs is going to have.
Thanks all and hugs virtual hugs to you all x

Poetry
Posts: 276
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by Poetry »

We're all in THIS together, never mind the virus. I agree that we are such a supportive unit.

I'm lucky in that I am retired and do not have the worries some have in this situation (lockdown) but also, having gone through unimaginable horrors and abuse owing to my son's addiction, anxiety over the future isn't featuring for me. Small mercies.

Keep posting everyone. Love, P. x

dramaqueen
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by dramaqueen »

Hi all,

since I posted up my last reply here I have had more drama in my house. When I went to say goodnight to my 18 year old on Thursday, I found that he had shaved all his hair off and was smoking cannabis.

I asked him to come and talk to me but I didn't have the courage or strength to take the drugs off him there and then. I have since asked him to hand them over and he has refused, saying I will throw them away which I have confirmed. I rang the FamAnon helpline and the lady was really helpful. I told her that I wasn't sure about forcing my 18 year old to hand over the drugs now that he is an adult. I wasn't sure why I was wobbling so much. The lovely lady on the line told me that she thought this was because I didn't have the courage of my convictions. Talking it through with her, I realised that I absolutely must get the drugs off him. I will not tolerate them in my house. She told me that, even if I have to throw drugs away 50 times or more, I should keep doing that if that is my conviction. She also told me to attend a FamAnon meeting to hear other people's stories. I intend to do so.

I also realise that I need to emphasise that this is not a "battle of wills". I am taking these actions out of love and concern for them because I believe that cannabis will harm their mental health. However, it is also important that there are clear boundaries and I cannot allow my boundary of "no drugs in the house" to wobble.

LW - I hope CAMHS are helpful. I am finding the NVR course helpful - perhaps your CAMHS branch will offer the same? I will also PM you, as we both have boys the same age with similar issues it seems....

Leslee - many thanks for the suggestion of leaving out leaflets for the boys to read. Great idea - I will order some today.

Thank you all so much for your posts. It means a lot to have the support of this forum.

Best wishes

DQ
Last edited by dramaqueen on Wed May 20, 2020 6:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

lesleerose
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by lesleerose »

Dear DQ what a strong lady you are this is what I had to do and hopefully we are now a generation on from my daughter drug addiction awareness is more powerful... You could also if you and your x husband can afford it promise them an adventure weekend with canoeing camping that sort of thing if they promise to adhere to the rules of the home ... Remind them do they really want to end up working in Mac Donald’s the rest of their lives ( I don’t mean any harm against Mac Donald’s ) I applied for a job there myself before lock down ... Just to educate then that if you have a relationship ship with drugs it is impossible to have a relationship with with anyone or anything else ...
Bit wary of your older son shaving his hair of hopefully the mental Side of this illness hasn’t begun to kick in again if you can get him along to a C.A or N.A meeting it would be good I believe they have Zoom meetings just now on the net and your sons would meet like minded people to share And identify there feelings with
Bless you all
Leslee

dramaqueen
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by dramaqueen »

Hi Leslee

Thank you for saying I am strong. I don't feel very strong!

You are right about offering some kind of highlight/ reward. I will think about that.

My 18 year old has been suffering from mental health issues for years. He was discharged from CAMHS (who diagnosed him as severely depressed) in March when he turned 18. He refused a referral to Adult Mental Health Services. I pay to cover my three kids under my private health insurance at work and have offered him a referral to counselling but he said recently that he doesn't want that, not during lockdown. He has been prescribed Sertraline. Both his dad and I have pointed out that cannabis will make his depression worse.

Thank you so much for your support when you have been and are still going through so much. It means a lot to me.

Best wishes
DQ
Last edited by dramaqueen on Wed May 20, 2020 7:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

LM66
Posts: 1031
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by LM66 »

Hi DQ

I know it's hard, and scarey at times, but stand your ground.
My son was exactly the same as your older boy. I always knew when his mental health was poor, as he shaved his head.
Trouble is, the weed only makes it worse - but, they don't believe that when you tell them. The drugs gave my son mental health issues!
Just be careful when confronting him for the drugs - don't put yourself in a vulnerable position. Been there many times myself, and it wasn't pleasant.
I hope you can relax a bit with the house to yourself. Think about how you will deal with them on their return.
Much Love
L x

dramaqueen
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by dramaqueen »

Hi L,

thank you so much for your message. How spooky that your son too used to shave his head and I am sorry to hear that you have gone through so much with him.

I am taking part in an online FamAnon meeting and am thinking about how to handle the situation.

Best wishes

DQ

LW280671
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 12, 2020 12:16 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by LW280671 »

Well what a night!! My son has just admitted to taking his bank card from my bag, withdrawing his £120 birthday money and buying 14g of cannabis. He knows it was the wrong thing to do.
What now ???

Let him keep it and he may start using more.

Beat it out of him (Dads choice) where it is and then destroy it or
Do I regulate his use.

Please note I do not condone drug use in any way but he isn’t going to stop.

If I give him some (to be decided) on certain days ( to be decided) then in return he has agreed to -

Exercise every day (b4 lockdown he went the gym and boxing).
1/1.5 hours of school work a day ( not been to school for months)
Counselling to be arranged 1 day per week
To visit GP re possible depression/ bi-polar
To be home by 7pm ( doesn’t stay out really anyway)

If he demands more or kicks off at any point the remaining weed will be destroyed.

My main concern is that I would have to store and touch the stuff and it stinks. Also he may be telling me anything and he’ll kick off the first time he doesn’t comply.

He says he hates living in our house because I am ‘stalking’ and questioning him all the time.

My husband is obviously very angry but we need to be in the same page.

Please what are your thoughts? What would you do?

Many thanks x

Primrose
Posts: 76
Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:28 am

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by Primrose »

Hi LW
Lots of info for you to ponder on. Awful situation for you to be in. My son is 44, been smoking cannabis since his 20's and, in all honesty, has ruined his life. We have baled him out (money wise) a couple of times, realising this is not good for him, but the immediate mess was too much for us to ignore. We won't be doing this again! Apart from this lack of responsibility and unable to cope with routine/discipline, and the relationship break-ups which often go hand-in-hand with regular marijuana use, mental and physical health will inevitably take its toll. There is a film called 'Beautiful Boy' a seering account of a father and son (David and Nic Sheff) - the father discovers his son is smoking marijuana. Maybe, if your son could watch this true story of all the heartbreaking consequences that this can cause in a family, it might make him see it in a different light. It's NOT THE HARMLESS RECREATIONAL DRUG they think it is. There's also a book by ALEX BERENSON called ''TELL YOUR CHILDREN: THE TRUTH ABOUT MARIJUANA, MENTAL ILLNESS AND VIOLENCE'. Berenson decided to write the book, he says, when his wife, a psychiatrist who works with mentally ill criminals, told him that the one thing they had in common was that they ALL used marijuana.
As a mother you have to strong and FIRM. Easy to say but not so easy in practice, but it's his future life you have to be firm for! Wishing you strength +
x

dramaqueen
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Teenage cannabis

Post by dramaqueen »

Hi LW,

I am really sorry to hear about this latest development. I strongly suggest that you call the FamAnon helpline to obtain details of your nearest FA group offering online meetings. I have taken part in two meetings online with my local group and I have found them incredibly helpful - so many similar stories to learn from.

Best wishes

DQ

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