Any experience of rehab?

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maryo
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 11:13 pm

Any experience of rehab?

Post by maryo »

I posted a few weeks ago about my son and his situation. Surprise surprise things are getting worse, and messier.

Tonight my daughter surprised me with the idea of rehab- something I thought was only for rich celebs and the like.

I rang this place and spoke to someone who was very helpful but I remain unsure whether these places really work in the long term. She said that they have a high success rate but can't guarantee that some addicts may revert back,and indeed need to return again and again which makes me ask,'what's the point?

So I am just wondering if any has experience of family member going to one of these places and did it really work for them?

LM66
Posts: 1076
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by LM66 »

Hi Maryo

Like any other treatment , there's never a guarantee. The addicted person must actually really want to change thier lives.
My son has never been in a rehab, but many years ago, I worked in an addiction unit. Most people attendģed on an outpatient basis, and there was a 6 bedded detox section. There were some genuine people who wanted to quit, and there were others who had no intention.
Revolving door syndrome was very much in play, with the same individuals returning. As it was an NHS faciliy, no money changed hands. Private has a cost attached, which can work out very expensive,and for nothing, if the imdividual leaves after a day or 2.
So,I would ask myself is the person truly reaxy to change,do they wsnt to go , is it affordable to the person paying.
Much Love
L x

maryo
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 11:13 pm

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by maryo »

Thank you L
Everything you are saying makes sense and it is what I feel too, but I think I just needed to hear someone else's opinion.

I think my daughter is thinking of ways to help her brother sort himself out but I don't think this is the answer. Maybe she was just suggesting some options for him.

I am in the middle of the storm at the moment-this morning I thought it was a roller coaster, now it feels like a whirlwind.

I haven't a clue what is going on with my son and his partner- they give me half answers if not outright lies.

Today I rang the mental health crisis team because I've just had enough- I was told they would ring me back but they didn't.

I can't figure anything out anymore.

She has a hospital appointment and has asked me to mind the baby because she doesn't trust my son to care for the baby- but when I asked her what time I never got an answer. I don't live nearby.

My son is not there with them and asked me to pick him up so he could go to the hospital too, but I'm too exhausted.

I am just too tired with it all. I feel I'm being used by the pair of them and it isn't fair.

LM66
Posts: 1076
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by LM66 »

Hi Maryo
It really does become exhausting, in every way.
I felt exactlg the same way. Used and abused. Hence I went no contact last week, for now. I need peace!
You will never get a truthful answer from someone in active addiction. Everything that came out my sons mouth,was/is a lie.
I tried everything to "fix" his addiction. It didn't have any effect Maryo,and the reason was, it wasn't mine to fix, it is his addiction. Until he wants to change, he won't.
It really is like being stuck in the eye of a storm, and can take it's toll on you. I stepped off the crazy train!
Concentrate on you , if you can.
Much Love
L x

maryo
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 11:13 pm

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by maryo »

Hi I appreciate your reply. I have a now four month old grandchild. I can't step away while she is so vulnerable and they know that.

LM66
Posts: 1076
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by LM66 »

Hi Maryo
I can certainly appreciate how difficult this must be. I am so thankful that my son didn't have any children.
Are the babies other grandparents involved? Social services?
I wish I could offer some helpful advice to you.
Such a difficult situation for you, as they will use the baby to emotionally blackmail you to get what they want.
It really is exhausting.
Hugs to you!
Much Love
L x

maryo
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 11:13 pm

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by maryo »

Thank you L

Yes, I used to wish the same about his being a parent. The relationship my son has with his partner is one made in Hell- but when she came along she seemed to take him under her wing and at least there was some peace for me. She already had an abortion after she got pregnant shortly after they met, then she miscarried another a couple of years later. All my son wanted was a happy family- now he has one, he can't deal with it. She also has an adult son from a previous relationship and he and my son do not get along.

Her son has been very pampered by her family, I don't want to go into that family's dynamic. It's complicated. I have enough with my own, but her mother seems to be interfering without being supportive.

A while ago social services were involved with the older son when he was in his early teens, but I am not aware there has been any since.

After the baby was born they had minimal monitoring due to Covid, but to be fair she's a good mum and the baby seems happy and developing well.

I think the blackmail has been entirely on her part, as my son isn't that subtle and I know him well. She is very clever at manipulating dramas but I don't buy into them.

I did ring the crisis team again today, and she confirmed that my son is on the radar- but they haven't yet got back to me so maybe tomorrow.

Now I just feel numb and hollow-everything has gone quiet. I've cried so much today I've made my throat sore.

I know there is a chance of light at the end of the tunnel-but it is very dim just now.

Thank you for your kind words, it really is appreciated.

I have decided to switch off my phone at bedtime- because that is when the turbulence starts and I really am very tired.

LM66
Posts: 1076
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by LM66 »

Yes, do switch your phone off - I do the same. I was going around like a zombie due to lack of sleep, or worrying about a "knock on the door". Constant fretting about "what ifs" and it nearly done me in.
All that worrying, running about saving the day,got me nowhere,except ill! My son's addiction has worsened and he has no respect for me at all. He's no respect or care for anyone if truth be told.
Such is the hell of addiction. He's had his share of toxic relationships.
Turn your phone off, have a nice bath,jammies on and cozy in your bed. Rest and a decent sleep is so important.
Much Love
L x

maryo
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 11:13 pm

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by maryo »

I've just made some calls and all seems calm. I never take my phone to bed anyway so I'm unwinding now and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. It can't possibly get worse.

Zombie sums it up- I feel I'm surrounded by jelly and can't be bothered with anything. My washing machine broke. I don't have any clean clothes and I don't even care.

It hurts me to say it but my son doesn't even care about his little daughter right now. I threatened that if he left her I would disown him- but he's so fragile I don't want to make it worse. I'm done with all that second guessing.

I feel better for checking in here too. Hope you get some rest I really appreciate your kindness. Take care x

LM66
Posts: 1076
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Any experience of rehab?

Post by LM66 »

I felf that way too. I felt like an empty shell. Just going through the motions. Horrible way to feel.
You are important Mary. Takes us a wee while to actually realise that!
If you can, take some time out and give yourself headspace, As it can all be so overwhelming.
Much Love
L x

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