And on it goes!

Have your say
Post Reply
Posts: 1279
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

And on it goes!

Post by LM66 »

Hi All,

My son had been remanded in prison, since the end of Nov 2020, until his release  on 21st of April 2021. He has been using substances,  morning til night, since release.
He had backdated benefit payments in his bank account, from when he was previously released May 2020,  until he was imprisoned again in the Nov. He was remanded in custody before he had the opportunity to spend a penny. Quite a substantial amount. Hence the reason he had money to finance his drug use.
Saving grace, was that he was accomodated a good half hour drive away from me, and I felt sure I wouldn't have any unexpected visits.
He lost his bankcard, and that's when the same old cycle commenced. Relentless calls/txts requesting I take him money. No food. Nothing. I told him that I couldn't help him and to call his social worker. The abusive txts continued, therefore, the number was blocked. It seems I am his target, for vile abuse, every single time.
Thursday night, he appeared at my home. He must not have pressed the bell properly, as the plug in chime did not sound. I only discovered he had been at the door, when I woke, and checked the time on my phone, and saw an alert from the camera bell. He had attempted twice, leaving and coming back half an hour later
Next morning, the doorbell went at 7am. It was my son. I spoke to him through the bell, and asked him to leave, which he did. I then called the police to log both incidents. Later in the morning, I received a txt from an strange mobile, asking for money. He was apparently using a friends phone. I didnt answer the calls, just replied to the txts, that I couldn't help him. It eventually stopped,  until Saturday morning.He sent abusive and vile txts. Threatening to come to my house. So I called the police , to log another incident. The police came to the house, took statements from myself and my husband. One of the police officers asked if I could take screenshots of the messages and email them to her, which I did. I then blocked this number also. They will put a note on their system, whatever it is they do, that should I call, if my son presents himself at my home, a rapid response team will respond. I will not accept this horrendous behaviour!
Ive spoken to social work, who assured me that if he is not engaging with them, and not fulfilling his responsibilities in relation to his probation, then she won't hesitate to revoke it, and he'll go back to prison. I hope this happens sooner, rather than later!.

(Jeezo! Written a novel!)

Much Love
L x
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: And on it goes!

Post by Poetry »

LM thank you for this update. Although you are one hugely determined lady, determined to protect her life and her sanity at all costs, this is still such a painful situation for you. I wanted to write a response to this.

As far as I know my son is in London, and not in jail; fortunately he is not in contact with us, BUT if I had to go through what you have been going through in order to live free of this horror, then I would do exactly as you are

You come to a stage with the vileness which other people's addiction inflicts on your own life, where you realise that either you give in to it, and live in chains, or you smash those chains and you get free.

Being free of them doesn't mean being free of pain. I feel pain most days, at some point, about my lost child, but like you, I know that I've done everything possible, and to do more would have been to ruin two lives, rather than one.

I think when I first came on this forum, 3 years ago, I absolutely believed that I could still help my son, and if I had my time all over again, then I'd have to try all over again, because unless you've tried, you don't know that it hasn't worked, and you would always feel bad about that.

It didn't work for you, and it didn't work for me, and that is the end of it.

You have always been a big inspiration. It must have been about two years ago, when we were still struggling with our son, and we had had the most terrible day. I absolutely did not know where to turn. I went on the forum, and in response to somebody else's post about her own desperate situation, you wrote something along the lines of going out with the dog, even though it was a bit wild and windy out there, and having no more to do with their "c..p."

With that, you helped me to see that there was a world in which we could live peacefully without the turmoil and disaster which addicts bring with them.

I'm forever in your debt.
Love P. X
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2018 12:54 am

Re: And on it goes!

Post by lost77 »

Hi LM,

Sorry that this s**t is continuing and I fully support your decisions . I feel similarly and for me I understand that feeling of outright abuse. Abusive texts don't really bother me anymore (its just rubbish), but relentless money requests and invasion into my space I cannot abide. Its harassment/stalking from my perspective whether we have the same DNA or not.

Some just don't seem to get that message and its like talking to a brick wall and they are not interested in actually helping themselves or at times even trying minimally to do the right thing. Drugs destroy brain cells I am sure and in the midst of a spree logic is out the window.
I am now thinking of my boundaries as walls tbh inc. police , legal , logging/keeping everything if necessary.
Unfortunately any chink in my armour he sees only means he will be in on it in some way or another for money for more drugs.

On the toughest of days sometimes I think about how this will end one day one way or another and I don't want addiction to win by ruining today.

Pleased to hear a rapid response team will be deployed . You re a supportive and caring person LM and if we could have solved this by "caring it away" mine would have been clean years ago. Caring for ourselves is the priority .
Take care
Lost x
Posts: 1279
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: And on it goes!

Post by LM66 »

Thank you both so much for your support.
Poetry, you are so right, when you say about breaking those chains to be free from someone elses addiction. It is, in my opinion, necessary, in order to live a peaceful life.
We can all only try so much, and give so much - then we must take care of ourselves. Survival mode!
I too see boundaries as building a wall Lost. A wall of armour, to protect us against the devastation that addiction can cause. My son is a thug! A dangerous one at that. He is in this addiction lifestyle very deep. Using, dealing, threatening and hurting others. I will not have any part of that tainting my world. It is vile.
I will continue to log every incident that occurs, with the police, as they requested.
I am thankful that we all have this safe place to offload, and receive the support and kindness of others.
Thank you both again, ladies.
Much Love
L xx
Posts: 63
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 4:19 pm

Re: And on it goes!

Post by Tired »


Sorry to hear this.

You have certainly been there for me.

You are a strong person indeed to go through this recently. So, he's blown all the benefit money, and still wanting more.

I truly hope you are OK, and I hope you're not put through this anytime soon


Post Reply