Having alcoholic parents

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abigail1437
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2021 8:38 pm

Having alcoholic parents

Post by abigail1437 »

Hi everyone, im not exactly asking for advice because i don't even know what i would ask for I just kind of need to vent. So i am 17 and my older sister is 21 and our parents have been alcoholics for as long as i can remember with the bulk of the bad memories being from age 12-present. My parents between them drink 3 bottles of wine a night along with my dad drinking beers alongside it and it causes them to have severe memory loss, be emotionally and mentally abusive and causes them to fall a lot and hurt themselves. My dad is definetely worse than my mum and sometimes tries to drive to the shops to buy more and we have to stop him because obviously it isnt safe. I don't come out of my bedroom past 5.30 because that is usually when they start drinking after work. He has said before that he drinks because of us (that being my sister and I) and thats why he's depressed. We also think he has BPD or bipolar because of his sudden erratic behaviour which is only made worse with the drinking. We have tried to talk to them about it and drinking less but whenever we bring it up they get really confrontational and shouty and horrible and it all gets overwhelming. My sister has been at uni for the past 3 years so i have had to deal with it onmy own and it gets really hard because they don't listen to me and i am scared of them when they've been drinking. It has effected every aspect of my life. My studies slipped massively because i have to look after them sometimes and i also am too embarrassed to invite anyone around my house. Only my best friend knows my parents are like this and even she doesn't know the full extent of what goes on. I just don't feel comfortable in my home and i don't know what to do anymore because it gets so overwhelming and intense. I don't even know what advice i need but if anyone has any thoughts they're very much welcomed. :( :cry:
dramaqueen
Posts: 113
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Having alcoholic parents

Post by dramaqueen »

Hi Abigail

I have sent you a private message.

Warm regards

DQ
LM66
Posts: 1310
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Having alcoholic parents

Post by LM66 »

Abigail, your post broke my heart. Such a difficult situation for you to contend with - I really am sorry that you are experiencing this. Worse, to be scared of your own parents, when they are drinking.
Any addiction changes people so much. But for you and your sister to have experienced this at such an age, when you need them to be there for you, is just so heartbreakingly sad.
I am aware of online support groups, such as this one, but especially for young people. It can be comforting knowing you are not alone, and sharing experiences and coping strategies with people of your own age, can be beneficial. I know it doesn't remove you from your situation.
Plan your own future. A future that allows you to live free of your parents issues. That doesn't mean that you don't have to stop caring about them, but you shouldn't have to care FOR them, due to their drinking and the consequences that follow. They are obviously not at the point where they think their drinking is problematic and you will never convince them that it is. The most important thing is YOU. You are just "coming into your own" and your life will evolve. You have dreams. Do not let anything or anyone, prevent you from reaching for those dreams.
Always remember, you and your sister are not responsibe for your parents drinking issues - that one if FULLY on them!
Sending Love
L xx
lesleerose
Posts: 141
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Re: Having alcoholic parents

Post by lesleerose »

Hi Abigail it is not often I am speechless I didn’t know where to begin ... I was brought up in a very dysfunctional home violence was the norm
I still get flash backs when they separated eventually my mother took to the drink and it was absolutely horrific she would put on the twin tub washing machine in the middle of the night banging about opening and shutting doors banging them and I had school in the morning and I had no where to go my father didn’t want me he had his new girlfriend...
I would be here all day to tell you of the monstrous things I had to endure so I completely understand..... I had lots and lots of counselling and psychiatrist help I also took to the drink myself now in recovery 22 years ...
My mother blamed me for absolutely everything she is now in a care home with dementia and Alzheimer’s.... I tried so hard to maintain a relationship with her but she didn’t want to know through all of this she kept drinking until she couldn’t anymore ...
I am free now but it took time I have so much peace inside me and an unshakable faith in a god of my understanding I believe my higher power is inside me and I try to help others in my situation if possible...
Your life and your sisters life has been absolutely terrifying and you are truly such a beautiful girl hang onto this fellowship and another fellowship for you is Al anon it’s for anyone who has been affected by alcohol
Eventually you will go on a voyage of self discovery where you and your sister will find a life beyond your wildest dreams ... this has been my experience
Bless you in fellowship
Lesleerose xx
Poetry
Posts: 527
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Having alcoholic parents

Post by Poetry »

Hello Abigail. I think it's so good that you posted. You sound like a lovely person and you DO NEED to remember that your life is just beginning, and to aim to get free. It's sad that your sister is also affected.

As LM says, alcohol and drugs change people for the worse and no, they will not see it and they will deny that there is problem.

At your age, you can't think about how to help. We can't help anyway. You need to protect yourself. Practically, I am nor sure what to suggest, in terms of outside support, except to recommend that you aim to live away from home as soon as you are able.

MY dad was an alcoholic but it only began to be a problem after I had left home and my younger brothers were not badly affected. My mum did not know to get out and my dad was a functioning alcoholic anyway which kind of made it less noticeable, but in my view, nobody can live with them without damage.

Please do stay on here with us. There are people who are better at suggesting agencies and so on than I am, but what is also essential is the emotional support. P
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