Hi Sadie
I have recently joined the forum and been following your thread, my heart aches for you so bad and I know all too well the awful rollercoaster of guilt, dread and fear. It sometimes feels we are damned if we do ("help") and damned it we dont.
In my case its my husband, I love him so much , felt like the luckiest woman alive when I married him ... I still don't quite comprehend how this is now my reality ...or how we got here..
I hope you find strength this week from going to your gym, self care, other family including yiur husband ... Not sure if helps you but I find going over your older posts may help build up the resilience you need again ... (I do something similar by keeping my own private journal )
Help
Re: Help
Hi Lost&Broken
Many thanks for your post. I had an awful dream last night where a lady had fallen from the sky but came to a standstill as she could not break through the clouds to get onto earth.. she was banging and banging with no luck and then next thing the whole floor around me lifted and everything turned in rocks. luckily my husband woke up then to make a brew.!!
went to the gym this morning and feel better now but my stomach is still churning and I feel quite ill.
I am not sure what to do at the moment. i am at work but i am struggling to concentrate and i am not being very sociable with my staff. it is only early morning so i am hoping my day will get better. if only our family knew what they do to us.. we suffer too.
Many thanks for your post. I had an awful dream last night where a lady had fallen from the sky but came to a standstill as she could not break through the clouds to get onto earth.. she was banging and banging with no luck and then next thing the whole floor around me lifted and everything turned in rocks. luckily my husband woke up then to make a brew.!!
went to the gym this morning and feel better now but my stomach is still churning and I feel quite ill.
I am not sure what to do at the moment. i am at work but i am struggling to concentrate and i am not being very sociable with my staff. it is only early morning so i am hoping my day will get better. if only our family knew what they do to us.. we suffer too.
Re: Help
Hello Sadie
I'm so sorry you're going through this. We certainly do suffer - and as others have said on these threads, it's a life sentence. I hope you are managing to get through the day but if you still feel so wretched you could go home with a bad stomach (which is true!) and just try to rest a bit.
There are no easy answers or solutions. You can only do what you think is best in the situation. I think there are agencies who help people released from prison to find accommodation and it's possible that the prison has already put your son in contact with these agencies, but who knows.
I am struck by how much each of us absorbs as being 'normal' or 'acceptable' over the years with our sons. If I were to stand back and describe to a kind stranger what I have been through over so many years I think they'd tell me to stop accepting what is unacceptable. We love our sons, and they manipulate our love to feed their addiction and all the c..p associated with that addiction. It's horrible.
Try to stay strong. Give yourself a break - allow yourself to feel sad and confused but not to be manipulated if at all possible.
Sending you love
Px
I'm so sorry you're going through this. We certainly do suffer - and as others have said on these threads, it's a life sentence. I hope you are managing to get through the day but if you still feel so wretched you could go home with a bad stomach (which is true!) and just try to rest a bit.
There are no easy answers or solutions. You can only do what you think is best in the situation. I think there are agencies who help people released from prison to find accommodation and it's possible that the prison has already put your son in contact with these agencies, but who knows.
I am struck by how much each of us absorbs as being 'normal' or 'acceptable' over the years with our sons. If I were to stand back and describe to a kind stranger what I have been through over so many years I think they'd tell me to stop accepting what is unacceptable. We love our sons, and they manipulate our love to feed their addiction and all the c..p associated with that addiction. It's horrible.
Try to stay strong. Give yourself a break - allow yourself to feel sad and confused but not to be manipulated if at all possible.
Sending you love
Px
Re: Help
hi Paulette
many thanks for your email. I must admit that at the moment I am living for these emails from you all. I am feeling so low and only feel normal when I read these emails.. I guess because it is clear I am not alone. I just sooo badly need a huge huge hug at the moment but I can't go to my other children as they are so fed up about it and my husband is now at the point of not being interested in spoiling our day by discussing this. I need to vent out somewhere! I need to have a good cry!!
thank you all so much for all your support and kind words. I honestly do not know where I would be now if it was not for this forum. x
many thanks for your email. I must admit that at the moment I am living for these emails from you all. I am feeling so low and only feel normal when I read these emails.. I guess because it is clear I am not alone. I just sooo badly need a huge huge hug at the moment but I can't go to my other children as they are so fed up about it and my husband is now at the point of not being interested in spoiling our day by discussing this. I need to vent out somewhere! I need to have a good cry!!
thank you all so much for all your support and kind words. I honestly do not know where I would be now if it was not for this forum. x
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Lost&Broken
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Re: Help
Sometimes a good cry is perhaps best rather than fighting it and just letting it all build up in our stomaches, I know that awful churning feeling too well.
Not sure about you and what help you are getting from outside any support group or family but last year for me it all got to much so I went to see my GP and just speaking to them was a relief that finally I was telling someone in person and they also prescribed me anti depressants - I hated that he got me to such a low point and I was very apprehensive about taking anti depressants (I kept thinking am I really that low? Am I just catastrophsing etc..) However the medication and then finally after a very log wait some counselling , helped me to build up some strength again and get back some control over my life.. After 12 months now just very recently in last few weeks stopped the anti depressants and trying to keep my other coping strategies like exercise and spending more time going out with friends going so that it stops me sinking too low but also allowing myself to have a cry when things get really bad...
Hope your ok we all have off days at work so don't dwell on that... Sending you virtual hugs X x
Not sure about you and what help you are getting from outside any support group or family but last year for me it all got to much so I went to see my GP and just speaking to them was a relief that finally I was telling someone in person and they also prescribed me anti depressants - I hated that he got me to such a low point and I was very apprehensive about taking anti depressants (I kept thinking am I really that low? Am I just catastrophsing etc..) However the medication and then finally after a very log wait some counselling , helped me to build up some strength again and get back some control over my life.. After 12 months now just very recently in last few weeks stopped the anti depressants and trying to keep my other coping strategies like exercise and spending more time going out with friends going so that it stops me sinking too low but also allowing myself to have a cry when things get really bad...
Hope your ok we all have off days at work so don't dwell on that... Sending you virtual hugs X x
Re: Help
hi Lost&Broken
many thanks for your virtual hug.. means the world to me.
i have been to councelling before a few years back and do not really want to go down that route again. nothing is going to make me feel any better. this is my son, my flesh and blood and when he bleeds, I bleed. i am so scared for him tomorrow and then i think well.. he is the drug addict.. he is the one that is not scared to take that vile stuff and put it in his body.. he is not scared to deal with drug dealers on the streets.. why should i worry about him being homeless?? but i do.. i can't help it. that is what i need to get rid of.. he is a grown man.
i can only pray now that the Lord is looking after him and going to guide him away from that FILTH.
many thanks for your virtual hug.. means the world to me.
i have been to councelling before a few years back and do not really want to go down that route again. nothing is going to make me feel any better. this is my son, my flesh and blood and when he bleeds, I bleed. i am so scared for him tomorrow and then i think well.. he is the drug addict.. he is the one that is not scared to take that vile stuff and put it in his body.. he is not scared to deal with drug dealers on the streets.. why should i worry about him being homeless?? but i do.. i can't help it. that is what i need to get rid of.. he is a grown man.
i can only pray now that the Lord is looking after him and going to guide him away from that FILTH.
Re: Help
thanks Paulette
met my daughter yesterday for a coffee and cried like a baby.. not good but I can't help it.. the tears just come all the time and I feel so embarrassed at the moment because I am a strong person usually!
went to the gym this morning and now in work just going through the mill. I am not going to let this drag me down. I have tried to put some money into his account today (for MY peace of mind) so he is not in the streets tonight, but his account is not working. I am just waiting for the call now.. the begging.. the 'I am desperate mom'
I am strong.. he is not my problem... I have other beautiful children and wonderful grandchildren.. I will keep telling myself this today over and over again.
met my daughter yesterday for a coffee and cried like a baby.. not good but I can't help it.. the tears just come all the time and I feel so embarrassed at the moment because I am a strong person usually!
went to the gym this morning and now in work just going through the mill. I am not going to let this drag me down. I have tried to put some money into his account today (for MY peace of mind) so he is not in the streets tonight, but his account is not working. I am just waiting for the call now.. the begging.. the 'I am desperate mom'
I am strong.. he is not my problem... I have other beautiful children and wonderful grandchildren.. I will keep telling myself this today over and over again.