Hello, new here

[Petera29]

Hi. This is my first post, I wanted to introduce myself.
I found the forum through looking for a meeting. My partner's adult 'children' are the reason I was looking for support. They don't live with us but her 43 year old daughter has endless relationship problems that she brings into our lives. She drinks but I don't think she uses drugs.
My partner's 41 year old son and his wife are definitely using. The chaos that brings into our lives is driving me mad. They have already lost their council house through their inability to lead normal lives and pay rent, they are now living somewhere they can't / won't reveal. So the son has been using our address for his mail, which he picks up every couple of months.
By then there are usually 50 / 60 letters from debt collection agencies and courts. Sometimes we have bailiffs hammering at our door looking for him and wanting payment. We tell them he hasn't lived here for over 20 years but they don't believe us.
Sometimes it's policemen with warrants for his arrest because of his non-appearance in court.
When we tell the son about the stress this puts us through, (we're both of an age where we're looking for a bit of peace and quiet in our lives now), he just shrugs it off and tells us to not answer the door or to tell the debt collectors to go away.
His selfish attitude and behaviour is hard to take and I sometimes feel impotent because as he isn't my son I can't really say what I think of him. And his mother, despite it all, wants to defend, protect, save him.
Just for a bit of background about myself, I first started coming to the rooms about 30 years ago, in a different Fellowship. I haven't been for a while but still practice the principles. But right now I'm feeling anger, despair, sometimes depression, and finding it hard to detach with love.

[butterfly18]

This is so tough for you and I can identify with some of how you are feeling. My partners parents are the same, still enable him despite me trying to open their eyes to the truth of his problems. I think some parents just want to do that and would rather stay in denial. It's great you are using the 12 steps for you, I hope that can bring some comfort day to day. All we can do is take one day at a time. Take care

[LM66]

Hi P

My husband is not my sons father, and it was so important for us to "shoot from the same hip". Probably like you, he could see through a different pair of eyes, and also see past all the BS that I believed - in the early days. It could easily have destroyed our marriage.
It's so important that you are on the same page, and to be honest, at the ages of the adult children - they are all the men and women they will ever be.
They need to stand on their own 2 feet, whatever their lifestyle choices may be, and also deal with their own sh*t! Why should you both have to mop up their mess.
Their mum needs to practice stepping back.

Much Love
L x