Haven't posted since June 2017...update

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wishfulthinking
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2015 8:00 pm

Haven't posted since June 2017...update

Post by wishfulthinking »

Well I don't really know what to say!

I left off with my now ex having got a good job and being clean for 4 months and everything looking good. It was short lived... by September he had relapsed very quickly without warning, despite giving me clean drug tests (he was hiding orange squash in empty methadone bottles in the bathroom) he took my children out and left them in an ally way while he got in to a car and scored drugs. My daughter came home and told me! I was about 0.5 seconds away from stabbing him when he left. Not to be seen or heard from again till Feb 2018.

In that time I unintentionally met someone else who turned out to be my knight in shining armour! He was round one evening in Feb when my ex showed up out of the blue and vegan to make threats on the door step and peristed to sit on the door step for 2 and half hours. He eventually left not to be seen or heard from again till August. In that time he was arrested bailed and god knows what else but was suppose to be on probation and a drr up north. He returned in August and was at large till November when he was then arrested and imprisoned for all of 24 days! He then came out of prison thinking he was dad of the year and started to stalk me and my children outside of there schools, harassing people I know to find out where I lived as my partner and I had moved. I eventually phoned the police whom warned him if he continued he would be charged with harrassement. He has been quiet since. Even through Christmas! I just hope it lasts as I am now expecting a little girl and do not want the stress of him inflicting on me, my children or my partner. Whom of which is utterly fantastic and has been through out this whole process!


Wishful
Poetry
Posts: 1348
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Haven't posted since June 2017...update

Post by Poetry »

It sounds as if you have found the person you need to to help you to live your life with peace and equilibrium.

Long may it continue. You will be wanting to protect your two children and the baby on the way.

Reading the account of your suffering at the hands of your ex makes me realise the very horrific aspects of addiction from the point of view of those trying to help-the things we see, the insults hurled at us,the betrayals, the places addicts go, the filth, the lies, on and on.

Who wants this?

Thank you for posting and reminding me how bad it can get. I'm pleased to say I have taken action these last three months to protect myself from some of the suffering my son might otherwise have inflicted. Poetry.
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Haven't posted since June 2017...update

Post by gloria1953 »

Dear Wishful

While I am sorry that it didn't turn out as you had wished it looks like life had other plans for you which I am delighted to hear.

Some people are just beyond redemption at least for now.

Your post is very timely as we have two new members who are also the wives of addicts who are going through a very difficult time right now - I hope that your post will give them hope and encouragement.

All the best

G
wishfulthinking
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2015 8:00 pm

Re: Haven't posted since June 2017...update

Post by wishfulthinking »

Thanks for your replies ladies.

I can honestly say I never realised how horrific it actually was until I was no longer involved in it.

I know longer have anxiety, I am a healthy weight and have a more positive outlook on life. I don't have to change my pin number every week and sleep with my purse under my pillow. I don't dread going to sleep through fear of what I would wake up to! I know when my partner now goes to the shop for milk he will be back within 10 minutes and not missing for 6 weeks! I don't check the cctv every time somebody knocks the door! It's a whole new world.

I wouldn't wish that life upon anyone but I also know how hard it is to get away from it, it's not easy to see the light when you have been manipulated and groomed into living and thinking a certain way. I hope everyone in this group finds there escape no matter how long it may take. Just please don't lose yourselves in the fight for searching for someone else.

Wishful
Cally1001
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Dec 25, 2018 5:50 pm

Re: Haven't posted since June 2017...update

Post by Cally1001 »

Hi wishfulthingking

I am one of the newbies who has an addicted husband.

I am so happy for you that you have found someone to care for you and your post gives me hope.

Reading through old posts it is hard to read the destruction that an addict brings to the immediate family and for each addict there is may more family members suffering and after a lot of research not an awful lot of help for us but plenty for the addicts and that saddens me.

This has been a lifeline for me over the xmas.

My husband has still not contacted me and i did txt his sister just to see if he is ok (i was still at the stage 3 days ago where i was worried about him)

For me after reading not only ths forum but other sites i am not in such a bad position (although at the moment i am still hurting and its very raw) I dont have children with him, he never stole my money only used his own, wasnt aggressive etc I do know if it carried on maybe this might have happened as it would only get worse especially if he loses his job but i never got to see the real depths that some people have seen so i suppose i am lucky really, i have no doubt it would have ended up that way.

For the last few weeks he was constantly saying i should leave him, he would drag me down and i didnt deserve that, maybe it was his way of being able to be free to do what he wanted but who knows.

Whatever his reasons he has done what i could not do and left, i just wanted him to say so i could FIX it, i now know that i may as well try and find rocking horse poo as that would never have happened.


I also think that it was me that kept him here because even though he was doing what he was doing i depended on him more than i care to admit, i made him my life over the last 12 years so that is why i am finding it so difficult.


Eveytime he has left he has not wanted to come back (this is not me trying to make him out to be better than he is) but i have begged and phone and txt and all the things that go with that and each time he has said the same thing, run away from me, i have become everything you hate etc but i kept trying to make it better.

I think he knew before me that it was wrong.

Maybe he will turn up in a few weeks and all the above i have said is incorrect and he will beg and phone etc but i am hoping by that time i will have started to withdraw from my addiction to him.

Thanks All and Happy New Year.x
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Haven't posted since June 2017...update

Post by LM66 »

Hi Wishful,

Your post brought a big smile to my face. I'm so very happy for you.
Your post will hopefully give the ladies who are the wives/partners of addicts, courage and strength, to make change for themselves.
May your future be filled with love, luck and happiness.

Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
wishfulthinking
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2015 8:00 pm

Re: Haven't posted since June 2017...update

Post by wishfulthinking »

Cally,

I empathise with you completely and at one point in time I was the same as you, would long for him to come back, ring and txt begging after weeks of him disappearing off the face of the planet. Eventually I found the only person who could save me was me, it got easier and easier every time he left and I eventually just found I was ok but most importantly it was still ok not to be ok! You can punish yourself endlessly worrying about what they may or may not be doing but in the end you are not responsible for his life, his feelings, his actions, only your own. You deserve to be happy and his addiction will rule your life aslong as you let it.

Everytime I see or hear anything of my ex it just solidates the decision I made more. Over the past few days I've seen him begging outside shops, then saw a post on the local Facebook group that whilst begging he was attempting to rob old ladies by hugging them and putting his hands in there pockets. Shameful really.

Whether he can fund his own habit or not there will come a time when he can't and this will be his future. Don't let it be yours.

Lots of love and prayers

Wishful
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