I listened to a podcast last night and thought others may be interested; about a dad and his son and their journey through the son's cocaine addiction. They have both written a book about this experience and it's been made into a film using John Lennon's music "beautiful boy".
the link is: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p02s5r ... /downloads. Scroll down to the Outlook podcast date - 7 January 2019
Also the official trailer of the film, and reading the comments below makes harrowing reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y23HyopQxEg
Don't know if we need more of a reality check, but it's a powerful film, and there is a positive outcome.
"Beautiful Boy"
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gloria1953
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Re: "Beautiful Boy"
Thank you, Primrose. Just even thinking of that John Lennon song makes me want to cry let alone associating it with drug addiction.
I am so glad there was a positive outcome. They are indeed possible but not achieved without much heartache and dashed hopes. Still, we must soldier on.
I am so glad there was a positive outcome. They are indeed possible but not achieved without much heartache and dashed hopes. Still, we must soldier on.
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gloria1953
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Re: "Beautiful Boy"
I just watched the trailer - I am in bits. The film looks beautiful but way too close too home right now. My heart is actually physically hurting from it.
Re: "Beautiful Boy"
It's too raw I agree Gloria. The podcast is a little less harrowing and it was the advice given to the Dad from the rehab team - to step back and allow his son to make that recovery journey alone, that struck home, but so hard to do from a parent perspective. There's sometimes far too many conflicting emotions at play. x
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gloria1953
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Re: "Beautiful Boy"
Dear Primrose
It really hit home when the son said that anxiety and depression were overriding factors in his life since he was a boy - my son told me the same. I have fought the same in my life but I don't have a predilection towards drugs and my son did. The son also said that he spent years chasing that first high. Again, my son told me that too. None of the subsequent highs could ever match the first one but they were going keep trying to recapture it or die trying. My son also mentioned the self loathing he had every time he did heroin but again, it was not powerful enough to stop him from doing it again.
Even though my son is doing relatively well in recovery I am still not strong enough to watch the movie or indeed read the book as much as I am drawn to it. The only comfort is knowing that we are not alone in this - nobody is immune to this evil - neither money, class or privilege make you immune to it.
G
It really hit home when the son said that anxiety and depression were overriding factors in his life since he was a boy - my son told me the same. I have fought the same in my life but I don't have a predilection towards drugs and my son did. The son also said that he spent years chasing that first high. Again, my son told me that too. None of the subsequent highs could ever match the first one but they were going keep trying to recapture it or die trying. My son also mentioned the self loathing he had every time he did heroin but again, it was not powerful enough to stop him from doing it again.
Even though my son is doing relatively well in recovery I am still not strong enough to watch the movie or indeed read the book as much as I am drawn to it. The only comfort is knowing that we are not alone in this - nobody is immune to this evil - neither money, class or privilege make you immune to it.
G
Re: "Beautiful Boy"
Thank you. I have noted this but will not watch at the moment, as my son is somewhere out there using and not in touch, which as I have said before, is peaceful but painful, but I take heart from all recovery stories, knowing in my soul that it is possible, with superhuman effort, to get through, but as I have said before, the addict has to want it with a passion. I'm not averse to watching recovery stories whilst my son is still using, just that at present I'm trying to rid myself of the trauma which I endured over the summer.
I'm also feeling, strongly, that if our son does ever reach that elusive rock bottom, our involvement should be minimal. My parents left money, so if he asked for it he could have rehab and we would certainly give him that last chance; the sum covers rehab.
When his present money, from a property sale, runs out, he will be totally destitute, so any chance of engaging with a community base rehab programme will be nil. He has had two chances at this before, both chucked away.
But in the main, I wanted to say that I'm sure recovery is possible, and these stories assure us of that, but in my son's case, it will not be achieved, if it ever is, with all the support which has been given up till recently. That was to no avail. I suspect a "new" person is in the formation in recovery, who has to forge his/her bonds anew.
I never had the bond with my son which my husband did, and whilst we both mourn our "beautiful boy", I do feel that for his father, the pain is of a different timbre.
Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" moves me each and every time. After Conor's funeral, Clapton was alone in his house. He did not drink or use; he made music. Poetry
I'm also feeling, strongly, that if our son does ever reach that elusive rock bottom, our involvement should be minimal. My parents left money, so if he asked for it he could have rehab and we would certainly give him that last chance; the sum covers rehab.
When his present money, from a property sale, runs out, he will be totally destitute, so any chance of engaging with a community base rehab programme will be nil. He has had two chances at this before, both chucked away.
But in the main, I wanted to say that I'm sure recovery is possible, and these stories assure us of that, but in my son's case, it will not be achieved, if it ever is, with all the support which has been given up till recently. That was to no avail. I suspect a "new" person is in the formation in recovery, who has to forge his/her bonds anew.
I never had the bond with my son which my husband did, and whilst we both mourn our "beautiful boy", I do feel that for his father, the pain is of a different timbre.
Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" moves me each and every time. After Conor's funeral, Clapton was alone in his house. He did not drink or use; he made music. Poetry
Re: "Beautiful Boy"
I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't 't have shared this. It's too "real" in a lot of respects and would be difficult to watch for that alone. Also because my son's addiction is cannabis in the main, it sometimes seems such a benign substance when compared to cocaine. The descent is slower and the impact less dramatic and heart wrenching. But the patterns of behaviour are similar in many ways, i.e. abusive attitude, inability to have a 'normal' conversation, anxiety, depression, etc. etc. Gloria, Poetry, you're both incredibly brave but generous in sharing your thoughts and situations with others. When I lived further north before retirement I knew a single lady who eventually told me she had a daughter whom she hadn't seen for many years and when she did see her she only wanted money to feed an addiction. I remember thinking at the time, how could any mother not stay in touch with her child! How naive I was then! She never spoke about it again, but that stayed with me. We don't know each other except through the forum, but ponder often on the whys and wherefores, and the how and when! Love and strength to you both. xx
Re: "Beautiful Boy"
Thank you Primrose. The origin and nature of the addiction does not matter. It's still a grief which no-one could imagine who has not experienced it. I used to be the same. Love Poetry.
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gloria1953
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Re: "Beautiful Boy"
Dear Primrose
Please don't worry about it - we cannot cut ourselves off from all mentions of drugs - it is everywhere. I wish I did have the strength right now to see the movie as it looks incredible and I think it will do a lot to give comfort and encouragement to other families. One of the overriding feelings you get when you find out your son is on heroin is deep shame. When I was growing up is it was a 'ghetto drug'. Oh sure you had the occasional jazz musician and rock musician who did it but it was not the epidemic it is now. To see a film where the parents were much like ourselves would have to help lessen the shame.
In my work I have encountered parents whose sons developed deep psychosis from smoking skunk - they were all middle class, well heeled parents. None of us are immune these days.
The thing that is so scary with heroin is that it could kill you in an instant - especially these days with much of it cut with fentanyl. But that is the only difference between that and any other drug abuse. It is also so random. Some people can smoke every day and not suffer ill effects. Some people can do a line or two of coke and move on. Other people grow out of taking drugs. Nobody knows just how it will affect them - it is the luck of the draw.
I am thankful that I am still here to tell the tale and that my son is in a fairly stable recovery despite the coke lapse the other week. But the fear that it will all go wrong again will never leave me. Once the scales fall from your eyes it is impossible not to see.
G
Please don't worry about it - we cannot cut ourselves off from all mentions of drugs - it is everywhere. I wish I did have the strength right now to see the movie as it looks incredible and I think it will do a lot to give comfort and encouragement to other families. One of the overriding feelings you get when you find out your son is on heroin is deep shame. When I was growing up is it was a 'ghetto drug'. Oh sure you had the occasional jazz musician and rock musician who did it but it was not the epidemic it is now. To see a film where the parents were much like ourselves would have to help lessen the shame.
In my work I have encountered parents whose sons developed deep psychosis from smoking skunk - they were all middle class, well heeled parents. None of us are immune these days.
The thing that is so scary with heroin is that it could kill you in an instant - especially these days with much of it cut with fentanyl. But that is the only difference between that and any other drug abuse. It is also so random. Some people can smoke every day and not suffer ill effects. Some people can do a line or two of coke and move on. Other people grow out of taking drugs. Nobody knows just how it will affect them - it is the luck of the draw.
I am thankful that I am still here to tell the tale and that my son is in a fairly stable recovery despite the coke lapse the other week. But the fear that it will all go wrong again will never leave me. Once the scales fall from your eyes it is impossible not to see.
G