My co-dependency

[Joyce2018]

It has been some time since I have posted.
My son is still addicted and because he had money over the Christmas and new year period he was funding himself.

On Sunday he came here and broke down, said he wanted help and he needed to talk to someone. I now realise that because I just threw money at him to keep him ‘ safe ‘ I was doing the opposite.
He says that he has a meeting today with drug addiction clinic but I see he was up late in the night and so the fear sets in

But I am not contacting him until he contacts me and I will not answer immediately as I know I am trying to control him and I am dependent and addicted to him!

It’s taken me a long time to get to this point and I would welcome any tips on how to not be his co-dependant.
Hopefully it’s not too late

Thank you
Joyce

[gloria1953]

Dear Joyce

Five words - One Step At A Time!

We cannot control them - we can only control our reaction and actions towards them.

Once we really know that with every fibre of our being, the rest follows.

Take courage!

G

[Poetry]

I could not have put it better. We are helpless, in a fruitful way, as our very helplessness in the face of their addictions is the best place to be. The impetus to recover can only come from them.

My husband and I have exhausted ourselves for all of 2018, trying to cure our son. It's the only battle I have ever lost, but by losing this battle, it might enable my son, eventually, to win.....

I cannot do anything for my son. I will know when/if I can because he will, if he ever wants to, approach me in ways which do not fill me with fear and ways which speak of love, not exploitation. If that day ever comes, i will know.

Sending you love, Joyce. Let go. Let God. Poetry.

[Primrose]

Hi Joyce
It's so hard not to "try and help", especially when they ask. We're still parents and always will be so there's no absolute cut-off, but just a controlled attempt to get them to face up to their journey on a destructive path. Exhausting! As Poetry and Gloria have said - one day at a time and stay strong.
Primrose x

[Joyce2018]

Thank you all for your replies.

I have not heard from him all day and I won’t contact first and open up the conversation as I am scared. Not of him but what the conversation might lead too and how I could weaken.
So to protect myself I have turned off my phone. That will stop me checking what time he is on WhatsApp. He can of course contact me on my husbands phone. I have to keep it on as he has so many health professionals contacting us.

This is so exhausting being on this roundabout. I just want to get off! Please god he is okay.

Thanks for being there. I feel I can offload here

Hugs to all

Joyce

[Poetry]

It's definitely a lifeline, Joyce, this forum. It's good to hear from you again. Let's all of us continue to keep facing the future together. Love, P.

[Marelli2]

Joyce, I've been wondering about you and hoping you've been OK.
I know I'm co-dependent, too. During the week, while my son's at work, I can feel quite settled. At weekends, it's a different matter, though, and it's something I'm trying so hard to shake off. Before, I would maybe text him about something or other, but really just to know he was OK. I wouldn't get a reply, which resulted in me imagining all sorts of awful things - some of which could've well been happening. I don't text or phone now. It doesn't stop me being relieved when he contacts me, but it does help stop a bit of the fretting.
After so many years of having this co-dependency 'addiction', it's hard to break away from it, Joyce. However, bit by bit we're getting there, and always being so thankful for this Forum. Xx

[LM66]

Hi Joyce

I think we are all guilty, of what we now know to bed co-dependent behaviours. Being a mum (or Dad) to an addict, isn't easy. Our instinct is to protect them.
We learn as we travel this journey of ours. One day at a time is the way to go.

Big hugs and much love
L x