Let go, let God

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gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Let go, let God

Post by gloria1953 »

I am increasingly concerned by my son's occasional 'recreational use' of cocaine. I am actually more concerned at his attitude towards it. My son seems to think that because he is not using heroin that it is okay to have an occasional snort of coke. It is not. To me, you cannot be a little sober any more than you can be a little pregnant. Either you are or you are not.

I am aware that many can use it much as they use a cocktail - indeed in my music business days I did indulge on occasion - I did not become an addict any more than I became an alcoholic because I like an aperitif. However, I am not an addict and he is - that is the difference.

I have told my son that I cannot and will not go through addiction again and the minute that his even occasional use of any mind altering substance which includes alcohol affects my life in any way he must go. I cannot control what he does but I can control my reaction to it and how I allow it or not to affect my life.

So, this morning has very much been in exercise in letting go and letting God regarding my son and more important, working on changing my reaction. I am also working on not catastrophising which is what people with addicts in their lives do. Actually, I always catastrophised - way before his addiction - addiction has made it worse. I have been doing a mindfulness course at work and I have found that helpful. Whenever I find myself going off the deep end I breathe and concentrate on my breaths. I then practice my mantra - let Go, let God. I find it very helpful to be conscious and mindful of my reactions - not only in regard to addiction but in every area of my life.

If anybody finds this helpful please feel free to take it on board.

Hugs to you all.

G
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Let go, let God

Post by Poetry »

Thanks, Gloria. You are right. I'm so sorry that your son has decided he is able to indulge again, even if only the "occasional" dip in and out. It's not acceptable or advisable and to my mind it's morally repugnant.

I agree with you that addicts have to accept their status and abjure the substances forever. That is humility and acceptance. I'm sure many of us, even if our past mistakes did not involve substance abuse, are able to look back at times in our lives when we put ourselves in danger, and feel an overwhelming desire not to be in "that place" again. Addicts have to grasp this too, otherwise they put the peace of mind of those who love them in jeopardy again.

I'm so sorry that you feel that your son is treading dangerous waters, but it's so good to hear you sounding determined and able to give him clear boundaries.

It's only now that 2018 is over that I realise the horror which I went through last year. I'm convinced that if it started up again, (my son is out of contact) it would kill me. I was able to endure it once but never again, so I know how you feel. The mindfulness is something which I can identify with, as I suppose I do my own version of it now that I have more peace, even though a lot of sorrow.

The damage addicts do to us is sometimes quite astonishing. Last night, the dreadful dreams about my son were back. I took two paracets at seven and had a cup of tea, thinking I had escaped, then slept till half eight, during which time the dreams were even worse!

Let Go and Let God works at all stages of our loved ones's addictions. I really CANNOT do this alone. it is stronger than I am-the evil that has been done. I'm giving it to God.

God bless, Gloria. Love Poetry
Primrose
Posts: 76
Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:28 am

Re: Let go, let God

Post by Primrose »

Hi Gloria
It's such a draining journey for you. You've shown great strength however, and am sure you can again set the boundaries of what you can or cannot tolerate. With the history of addiction your son has had, he can in no way dabble infrequently or otherwise in drug use. His vision is still clouded but hopefully when he knows the boundaries you've set, he'll realise what he has to lose. Makes me feel angry and upset that he cannot see how this affects you. Let go and let go God is powerful and healing, repeated as often as necessary. You're doing all the right things. Love Primrose xx
Joyce2018
Posts: 117
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:46 pm

Re: Let go, let God

Post by Joyce2018 »

Dear Gloria

You are an inspiration to us all. Always ready with the right amount of caring and common sense and I am sorry this is happening to you.

How I agree with the ‘ catastrophising ‘. I do it all the time. Seeing the problem and trying to solve it before the event.

I am working hard on letting go and letting God.

Much love and peace to you

Joyce xxx
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Let go, let God

Post by gloria1953 »

Thank you all, ladies. As always your warmth and support mean the world to me.

My son is well aware of my feelings about it and I will say no more to him unless of course it impacts directly on me. If advising them and telling them what we thought did any good none of us would be here in the first place. What I won't do is rescue him from any situation that is caused by it or reward him for bad behaviour.

He will have to come to the conclusion whether the stinking comedown and the people talking rubbish while on it, not to mention the huge waste of money, is worth it. I have said it before on here and I will say it again - the biggest problem with cocaine it that it has become socially acceptable so that those who indulge don't think that they have a problem.

All we can do is continue to work hard on letting go and letting God.

Onwards, ladies!
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Let go, let God

Post by LM66 »

Hi G

It's that horrible, knawing feeling, in the pit of your stomach.
You've made your feelings clear, so the ball is in his court.
My son has spells of using, then stops. I am thankful that he continues to abstain from heroin. The saving grace for me is that he doesn't live under our roof, so we don't see it. What you don't see, doesn't hurt you.
You're doing the right thing by refreshing his memory on your boundaries - stuff going through all that sh*t again.

Keep on, keeping on!

Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Bluebelle57
Posts: 42
Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 7:56 pm

Re: Let go, let God

Post by Bluebelle57 »

Hi Gloria
Just reading through posts as not been on the site for long time
Sorry to hear about your son, my son is the same. It’s been a year since he last took heroin or crack cocaine but he is in with a younger crowd who do cocaine and other “party” drugs.
It’s so annoying and frustrating that they will not accept the damage that any of these drugs do and all the while risking their mental health even more.
I’m glad your doing a mindfulness course, you need all the support you can get. I had 6 weeks counselling late nov/dec 16 then in 2017 did a wellness course then the mindfulness one, during which admittedly I sometimes fell asleep.
Just wanted to also say a Big Thankyou for all your positive and caring comments to me and all the other ladies on this site over the years that have helped get us through our difficulties with our alo’s.
Keep strong ! We are all in this together and Thank God for this forum

Love Bluebelle57
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Let go, let God

Post by gloria1953 »

So nice to hear from you Bluebelle and that your son is doing so much better bar the ridiculous predilection he shares with my son re 'party drugs'. I know that they want to feel like everybody else but they are NOT everybody else - they are addicts!

My son now has the opportunity to resurrect the career that he threw away 5 years ago and it is more important than ever that he stays on the straight and narrow. Not everybody gets the second chance that he is getting.

BTW I also fall asleep during mindfulness exercises lol!

G
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