Should we write him out of our will?

[Lizziedripping]

I can’t find any information on this one but I’m sure lots of people must have had to make a decision on whether or not to write their drug addict loved one out of their will?

My son is addicted to ketamine and has very nearly died a couple of times. It’s been several years now and his health has suffered enormously, but he seems to be doing well at the minute. He’s back in regular work and has a decent place to live and is now clear of the Courts (for the moment!)

My husband and I are in the process of updating our wills and we’re not sure what to do about leaving money to our son. We also have an adult daughter and ideally would like to leave them half each, but the thought of leaving quite a considerable sum to a drug addict terrifies me. I obviously wouldn’t want him to kill himself having access to as many drugs as he could buy, and I don’t much like the idea that we’ve worked hard and done without over the years only for him, possibly, to squander it all (if experience is anything to go by).

I’ve looked into trusts and things but in UK law there’s apparently nothing that can be set up for a man of his age (30). I definitely don’t want to put the onus on my daughter to manage any money left for him as I think that would just cause bitterness, but I also don’t want my daughter to be in the position of having been left the lion’s share and the inevitable resentment that would cause. And importantly, I would hate for my son to think that leaving him less meant that we loved him less.

I’ve no idea what to do but know we have to do something! Have any of you lovely people been in the same situation and if so what did you do?

Many thanks in advance...

[gloria1953]

Hi Lizzie

I am sorry for your difficulty. Outside of heroin I hate ketamine the most - my son was addicted to them both. Although he has been clean of heroin for almost 4 years he still occasionally does ketamine. It is a vile, dangerous poison. I am glad your son is doing better and I hope he will continue to make progress.

It is probably best if you consult a lawyer on this. I am sure this is something that lawyers have come across before.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

G

[Lizziedripping]

Hi Gloria

Thanks for the reply. It is indeed a vile drug!

Would you believe I've asked a will specialist with 40 years' experience and he said he's never come across it. He made me feel very small and seedy if I'm honest!

It's such a dilemma. I can't stand the thought of him killing himself because he can buy as many drugs as he wants!

[Joyce2018]

Dear Lizzie

It is quite a dilemma and I do understand as we have had to do the same.

To make things even with our 2 children, we have decided how much to give our daughter based on the amounts we have given our son and she will receive that one off amount.
Then what is left will be split 50/50 between them both, but we have put in place a trust stating that my son must prove he is drug free before he can inherit and there will be 2 trustees that he will have to prove this too. He will receive a small one off payment as well but the residue will be held in trust until he can prove he has been drug free for some time.
I know this sounds like controlling things however I cannot bear to think of him inheriting and money and then waste it all or even worse.
He has shown no inclination to stop using cocaine unless he is trying to hoodwink us!

Drastic steps I know and I question it all the time.
I also don’t want there to more bitterness than there already is between my children but I have tried to be fair.
My solicitor was extremely helpful and as I don’t know where you live I couldn’t recommend her or anyone else.
However if you wish to send me a private message I would be happy to help.

As a mother I never thought I would have to take these steps but I do need to protect my daughter from his addiction.

I hope this helps

Joyce x

[Joyce2018]

I never thought I would have to take these steps towards my beloved son. I still love him dearly regardless but having had first hand experience of what unfair distribution of inheritance can to do a family made me realise that I must be fair to my children.

Joyce

[Lizziedripping]

Thanks so much for your comments Joyce. What you’ve done sounds very much what I was thinking about. I fully expected the wills expert to come up with a solution. I will certainly pm you.

Many thanks

[HAL2000]

Excluding a child from your will is a tough choice and I feel for you. When I divorced, my adult daughter cut me out of her life. My adult son came with me and is a good friend to me now. I have chosen to leave everything to my son. In my view, Inheritance is not a right, it’s a reward for a lifetime of friendship and relationship. My daughter chose her path.

Steve