cocaine and drinking after heroin

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storm88
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:32 am

cocaine and drinking after heroin

Post by storm88 »

Hi have ot posted for a long time on here but have recently found out my daughter has used cocaine and been drinking . She is on a methadone programme for heroin and down to 6mg. This battle has been 5 years sine her daughter and son were 3 and 9. I have done everything I can to keep them safe. Had them living with me. taken the kids away from her for a few nights. Totally in with all school issues.
They are now back on targeted support and kids not been at school very much.
I guess I am writing this down so its said and to ask if anyone lese has experienced this.
Targeted support know about the cocaine taking.
hey know my grandson only been to school 44% of the time this year.
My problem is when do youwalk away from all this, Cam I ever give up on grandchildren No so how do I deal with it all ?
No one has those answers.
No one can tell me how its done.
I knpw it has to come from me.
I am sat here trying to work with tears streaming down my face just widhing I had a magic wand
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: cocaine and drinking after heroin

Post by gloria1953 »

Dear Storm

I am so sorry to hear this. You must be at your wits end.

My son has also done the same. For some reason he seems to think that as long as he is not doing heroin that everything is okay. I simply can't understand it. A drug is a drug is a drug. Some people can do the occasional recreational and it doesn't affect them badly but my opinion is that if you are an addict you should steer clear of everything. But my son won't hear it.

Of course you can't give up on your grandchildren. A friend of mine who has the same problem with her son and his children has gone to court and now has custody of his children. He has since had another one with somebody else and now his brother has custody of the new baby as my friend is in her late 50's, works full time and cannot take on an infant.

They just don't seem to care about what they do to the rest of us such is the selfishness of addiction.

Take care of yourself.

G
storm88
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:32 am

Re: cocaine and drinking after heroin

Post by storm88 »

its vicious circle that is slowly destroying me. No one has answers. I have not given up on my grandchildren but because of their upbringing are very hard to manage . I am at the end of what I can do . She is so hateful one minute and sugary sweet the next. I got into debt for her and her partner as they fooled me completely and its happening again or she is trying to.
If I had not bought presents a birthdays kids would have nothing.
She got a council house and spent the rent so lent money to stop them evicting her and the kids. So am now struggling myself.
She has been evicted fro private rents and they lived with me for over a year.
I actually think I am going to be mentally destroyed by her again
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: cocaine and drinking after heroin

Post by gloria1953 »

Storm

Can you do anything to get even temporary custody? This is absolutely untenable. The children deserve more than this as do you.

It she wants to f..k herself up fine but she should not be taking everybody else with her. They know how to be sweet when they want something.

Could you have a word with Children's Services about what she is doing to your grandchildren - perhaps they can help you take steps. What a nightmare.

G
storm88
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:32 am

Re: cocaine and drinking after heroin

Post by storm88 »

I did that last year and the year before. They don't back me as they say she has a roof over her head. I could go for custody but I would have to do it myself and without their backing. I have been told by top man at childrens services last year that it is not bad enough for the children to be taken away. Even when on child protection. I can jst keep bringing them here for respite at the moment. The boy has ADHD and is very unpredictable.
Everything we have to do as parents of addicts goes aginst anything that being a Mum stands for .
I am living in hope once again and am being honest with the authorities involved

Thank you so much for your support. I am gong to go back to my locl self help group that meets once a month
Paulette
Posts: 208
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2019 9:29 am

Re: cocaine and drinking after heroin

Post by Paulette »

Hello Storm
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I have been there too, with my granddaughter. Providing respite is a great thing to do. It gives the children a break, safety with you, and develops your relationship. It will help them to know that you love them and are there for them. I hope you can enjoy your time with them. I found it was often spoilt by my constant anxiety about what was happening at home.
You may want to keep a log of the times and dates that especially concern you. If you review it regularly it might help you decide if you need to do more to insist on more intervention from children services, and would also be evidence to push them. I used to attend case conferences and review meetings when my granddaughter was on the cp register, and I had to say things about what was going on that were v hard to say, and more than once wrote to senior people to get them to provide more support to mum (the ex of my son). It was exhausting and horrible and I wish I could tell you it all worked out fine, but it hasn't. And I don't regret it. Helping children who have no choice about what is happening to them is very different to enabling our adult children.

My heart goes out to you. There are no easy answers and mostly it's heartbreaking.
Take care of yourself
Px
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: cocaine and drinking after heroin

Post by Poetry »

Storm, I was so sad to read this. Gloria and Paulette have both said wise things, something of which might strike a chord, but your anguish is so very obvious it is hard to know what to write in response. Easier said than done, but I agree the bit of respite will be something which might lift the children out of the trap they are in, and give them a sky light to open on a bit of peace, but for goodness' sake, do not take on too much. My addict son does not have children, but I have two (about to be three) grandchildren from my second son. I can well imagine how seeing these innocents suffer tears you up. I am SO sorry. I agree with Gloria-they should not be taking anything. My son seems dedicated to his addict's lifestyle, though atm I don't know if he's alive or dead, I assume alive. I can't imagine him giving up all substances, such is his arrogance. Abhorrent. He talks about types of drugs as if they are music and literature-life affirming, instead of death dealing. How did this person emerge from me I ask myself. I love him, but he fills me with horror. Keep posting, Storm. Poetry.
storm88
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:32 am

Re: cocaine and drinking after heroin

Post by storm88 »

Dear all

Thank you for your kind words and support. Since my post last week we have had a small improvement as Targeted support have stepped up and my daughter has been in er council house for a year so can now look to move or swap. Her neighbours are all drinkers or drug takers so the influence surrounding her is not good.
Friday morning her female neightbour who dhe has been friendly with , decided that after lots of drinking she would attack my daughter from behind and punched her face.
All authorities have been informed and we have a very quiet daughter now.
I as a parent and grandparent find this so hard to comprehend as she was egged on by her own mother to do and in front of her own kids.
But she is not mixing with neighbours now so things will be calm while she stays away.
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