Guidance

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Faith1
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Aug 09, 2019 8:09 am

Guidance

Post by Faith1 »

Hi I haven’t posted for a while, have Been reading my literature and red book today a better way.. also visiting forum to read different topics, to help manage.. my son and his girl uses I’m not sure what... I have kept my distance but lately he’s been in touch asking for money and help with food, bills etc... says he’s getting help but I’m not sure if I believe him, he messaged to say I as a parent should help him even though he chooses the wrong path no matter how many times he fails I should always support, I find it hard as he is always saying it is my fault and my husbands fault that he has issues we were to strict so caused him to be unhappy and turn to drugs at 15, he is now 28 and still blames us, if I’m giving money and gifts he’s fine with me but once I stop helping in this way I back to being the worst mom on the planet!! My head is all over the place as he gets to me every time and makes me feel so guilty, it affects my home life and relationship with my husband as I am so down and depressed over how he makes me feel... any views would help on how to get my self out of this dark cloud...
Alegna
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Aug 19, 2019 12:22 pm

Re: Guidance

Post by Alegna »

Dear Jax52,

I so know what you are going through. My sibling is an addict, and I watch them play my mother and grandmother - (and, yes, me too), all the time! They use the unconditional love of their family against us all the time to get what they need.

It is really important that you do not allow your son to guilt trip you. You have not done anything wrong. My sibling and I were raised in the same household, with the same parents and our lives have turned out so differently. The choices your children make are not your responsibility. We all have choices in life. It's easier to blame other people that face the fact that we are our own worst enemy.
Please believe me when I say to you what I constantly say to my own mother: It is NOT your fault!
Its all too easy to go over everything we've ever done, trying to unlock what we could or should have done differently... but that is both unhealthy and pointless. Because, guess what, if you had been less strict, then he would probably blame you for not giving him enough rules or discipline! You'll never win. And you don't need to - because this is NOT your fault! I hope you are starting to get the picture :)
I really hope you can find some peace in letting go of the guilt and accepting that we cannot control other people. If only we could! And you do not have to accept unacceptable behaviours, which is what asking for unconditional support no matter what they do is. It's emotional blackmail.

Sending you strength and hope for the future,
A
Faith1
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Aug 09, 2019 8:09 am

Re: Guidance

Post by Faith1 »

Thank you Alegna for your reply it helps so much to read the words of a person who is going through It and see it how it really is.. it has helped me feel a lot better this evening and I will try to remember I did not cause this it was a stupid choice that my son Made..
I will continue to Let go and Let God 🙏, and pray it all turns out in the end.. Thank you once again...
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