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gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

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Post by gloria1953 »

I am now back home after our holiday - having a bit of a staycation before I go back to work.

While we were away there was much to distract me although I did talk to my son almost every day.

He is in hospital until 12 Sept - this is how serious this was. I am still haunted by it as well as his behaviour in the couple of weeks prior to his hospitalisation but if I am being truthful I would say that this was necessary for his recovery as much as I wish there had been no need for it. Six weeks is hospital is a long time to reflect on what you have done and where you are going and this period of reflection seems to have been good for him.

Nevertheless he spoiled his own summer and mine. I will never be able to look back on this summer without a feeling of anguish much like I feel every November when it is the 'anniversary' of the time we found out about his heroin addiction. It has cast a pall on everything.

I am starting to stress out about his room - my cousin who specialises in addiction issues surprised me when he said that it should be sorted before he returns from hospital because he is usually all about the tough love. When I told him there was no way I could face it he said well maybe after your holiday! No, maybe after the 12th of never! When I related this to my son he said that it was his mess and that he had to deal with it. Damn right.

Feeling a bit tearful today - I told my son I miss him and he said that he misses me. How very much I want to believe that this is a new start but the truth is that he will have to fight the battle every day of his life. It is when the complacency sets in that they think they can dip in and out. They can't. It is either total sobriety or nothing. My son was fooling himself and me when he thought he could still indulge in recreationals on occasion because for an addict one is never enough.

Trying to be kind to myself today because I feel so fragile. I need to trust in my own strength and his.
Lavender
Posts: 49
Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2018 8:18 pm

Re: Latest

Post by Lavender »

Hi Gloria,
I hope you managed to relax a bit on holiday. I'm sorry you felt down today, we all feel like that sometimes.it's like a silent battle we do because we can't talk openly to people about our worries. I hope you were kind to yourself today, I think we are probably all guilty of not looking after ourselves and putting ourselves last. It's sometimes just good to indulge in a sofa day and watch some stuff that we want to watch. I've been catching up on peaky blinders.

I sometimes feel like the world tilts, and something changes...it might be that I think differently or maybe (I hope my son starts to think differently ) or maybe it's that I dip in and out of depression. ...I don't know what it is but things do change.
Maybe for you and your son this is one of them moments.
Take care xxxxx
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Latest

Post by gloria1953 »

Thank you so much, Lavender. It has been a beastly summer. It was however, good to get away and have a respite from the horror,

I am cautiously optimistic as his attitude seems to be good but I will be haunted by this forever. It will take me a long time to get over this one.
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