Newbie here - Worried about son

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LLAMA1066
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Aug 14, 2019 3:20 pm
Location: North West England

Newbie here - Worried about son

Post by LLAMA1066 »

Hello all - first poster here - I have read lots of previous posts and a lot of what I am feeling has been said before, with some brilliant advice given that I know I will have to take. My 20 year old son is using drugs - he has admitted to weed but I know it's much more than that. I think it's ketamine but I am so naive I could be wrong - it could be this and much more. The evidence has been a balloon, hair grips and small elastic bands - so am presuming that is nitrous oxide - but I haven't found any silver cannisters. The major evidence however has been himself - stumbling around, speaking slowly, falling into a very deep sleep. When I calmly say what have you taken? he looks at me like I'm mad and flat out denies taking anything. I have taken his car keys off him when he's in this state. He works and has hobbies, but I don't believe him when he says - I'm giving my mate a lift to town, or I'm going to the gym. I will try to talk to him (again) when he's not under the influence - what can I do when he just flat out denies he's using? There is so much more I could write but I'll leave it at this for now - I hate this, I am a big worrier at the best of times - I look at other people with sons of similar age and feel so jealous. Thank you in advance. :cry:
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Newbie here - Worried about son

Post by gloria1953 »

Dear Llama

It sounds like ketamine to me - I call it the idiot drug. May I suggest that you film him next time he is high so that you can show him what an idiot he looks like?

I am afraid that he will lie and lie and lie some more no matter how many times you ask OR he will be defensive and say that there is nothing wrong with doing it, everybody does it etc etc.

Not all people who use 'party drugs' will go on to use harder drugs or indeed become addicted but many will. Unfortunately there is nothing that we as parents can do to stop them. I did ask my son not to use in my home and he repeatedly broke the rules. He has now spent the last 6 weeks in hospital with endocarditis from an infected needle which he used to inject cocaine. it is the best lesson he could have ever learned - he was literally days away from death. Before this he was clean from heroin for four years and is only know realising that sober means sober - NO party drugs at all.

I too feel envy at other people's children who SEEM to be on the straight and narrow but I can assure you that drugs are more far reaching than you can imagine and not is all that it seems.

Do have a look at some of the literature on this site - it is very helpful.

Take care.

G
LLAMA1066
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Aug 14, 2019 3:20 pm
Location: North West England

Re: Newbie here - Worried about son

Post by LLAMA1066 »

Thank you Gloria for replying. My son crashed his car this morning and the way to work. The fella he crashed into said he looked stoned. I thought this might be a turning point, but no he still denied using drugs. Well a quick search of his room and I found a bottle of MDMA purple syrup. It actually has a label on it saying that! I am trying to prepare what and how to talk to him when he gets in from work - I am rubbish at this. I was meant to be going on holiday next week but the thought of leaving him makes me feel physically sick.
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Newbie here - Worried about son

Post by gloria1953 »

Dear L

Twice I was faced with that dilemma - to go or not to go on holiday. I decided for my own sanity to go and it gave me much needed breathing space.

If he is still in denial you won't get far with 'the talk' I am sorry to say. Or they will pacify you and placate you and you will be only to willing to believe it.

I am so sorry that you are having to go though this.

G
LLAMA1066
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Aug 14, 2019 3:20 pm
Location: North West England

Re: Newbie here - Worried about son

Post by LLAMA1066 »

Thank you G. The talk went as you predicted - but I remained very calm and said everything that I wanted to - until he is ready to accept his drug use is a problem, I guess I just have to live with it. :cry:
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Newbie here - Worried about son

Post by gloria1953 »

Sigh. You could say that he is not allowed to get high in your home or he has to leave BUT you will need to stick to it. Very difficult I know.

But really, next time you see him high and stupid, film him and show it to him afterwards.
Sadmum
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2019 7:51 pm

Re: Newbie here - Worried about son

Post by Sadmum »

Hi Llama, I was just re-reading your post. I am quite new here too, with an 18 yr old daughter who takes Ketamine, I found out a couple of weeks ago following a crisis which she ended up in hospital, that she has been taking ketamine almost daily for a year. She occassionlly takes a MDMA when having a tough time too. It had been a way of trying to cope with anxiety and stress, but she has now started a new job and is smoking weed with colleagues occasionally . I feel so out of my depth with it all, and can only see it spiralling downhill from here. She too crashed her car a few months back having taken a mix of drugs, no one else involved but it was serious and is now waiting for a court summons. I get so angry at her stupidity dabbling with drugs to begin with, and hate how it changes her personality. But then I see her desperate and crying out for help for her anxiety, or being kind and helpful towards me again and i feel guilty for judging her so harshly fot using drugs. It's a rollercoaster ride, and I am on edge most of the time, scared of late night phone calls, or wondering when the next crisis/attempted overdose will happen. Sorry I'm waffling on about my situation, when all I wanted to say is that I feel for joy, and share in your worries and pain. Hugs
Sadmum
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2019 7:51 pm

Re: Newbie here - Worried about son

Post by Sadmum »

....that should read " I feel for you", not "joy"!
I also meant to say, I too look at other families and feel so envious of their young adults who seem to be well balanced and making good decisions etc. It makes me so, so sad to think about my daughter and her difficult life. I know i dwell on that far too much. I don't feel I can tell people/friends about what's going on, so have cut myself off from many. It's very isolating.
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