I've lost count of the times I've finished with my crack-using boyfriend. The last time I proudly told my friend I hadn't seen him for 10 days now. 'Look at you, counting the days like an addict in recovery. He is YOUR drug.' And she is right. And she should know. She had a heroin addicted father, an aunt who died of drugs-related problems, and a former crack addicted boyfriend. She didn't just have the t-shirt - she had the wardrobe.
I would cut him off, and he would come back to me. And I'd take him back. The lovely man I fell in love with would be there for a few days, then he'd disappear for a day or so... and Mr Hyde would turn up at my flat. Morose, depressed, penniless. The mood swings, the rudeness, the short temper. The abuse.
I told my friend 'It's the drugs.' Her reply? 'No, it's not. It's him.'
Why are we being so kind to people that are being so cruel to us? Why do we suffer such abuse? Why do we prioritise their needs when their only concern is getting their junk - and getting high. Would we put up with this from anyone else?
I've blocked my boyfriend now and I pray I have the strength to break away from him. Because he is slowly killing me - mentally, physically and spiritually. He has endangered my safety now as I found out. He gets high and lets all and sundry access his phone. I was getting nuisance calls. When I confronted him, he minimised the issue and denied it was anything to do with him. 'Well, change your f***ing number!' This, from a man who is supposed to love and protect me?
Today I am strong enough. I hope I can maintain this. I pray for anyone currently trying to support an addict. But if you can, get out.