Dealing and using

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Coming2terms
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2019 11:13 pm

Dealing and using

Post by Coming2terms »

Hi this is my first post my AS 21 years old has been smoking weed since he was 15 , he’s moved onto Valium and nitrous oxide which I’ve only just discovered . He lives with us but spends many nights away with friends . My big concern is he is doing drug delivery all night . I’m worried he’ll be caught by police and end up in prison but that might actually be a relief. He’s not going to work seeing MH team when he turns up for the appointments. I’ve spoken to my GP who is great but advises me to look after myself and let him fall. It’s hard when you love someone to let that happen and as I said I’ve only just discovered the extent of the problem. Tried hard to set boundaries ie be home at reasonable time but he just ignores it all . I’ve thrown him out before but he comes back says he’s ok snd seems ok for a few days or weeks then it all starts up again. I scared he will drive high and either kills himself or someone else . I feel I should report him to the police but I’m terrified of the consequences. If any has any advice I’d be grateful
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Dealing and using

Post by gloria1953 »

I am so sorry to hear this. Like you it is my son who is the addict whose recovery is occasionally plagued by relapses.

My son started much like yours did - many kids that age grow out of it but mine didn't. I wish I would have seen the warning signs as early as you have. He lived outside the home during his university years and back and forth in the years since. They will do drugs wherever they are and when they are in the grip of the madness all of the boundaries in the world won't work. They seriously don't think they are doing anything wrong and that they don't have a problem.

Your GP is absolutely right and much more helpful than mine ever was. However, his advice runs against everything we were brought up to believe was our duty as a mother. However, we are doing them much more harm by doing that. How I wish I would have confronted my son head on and make him leave my home much earlier than I did. When they have 'three hots and a cot' why would they want to change their behaviour? That is not to say that by leaving home their behaviour will automatically change but at least it won't be under your roof.

If your son is not dealing Class A drugs it is highly unlikely that he will do any prison time - they might even make him attend rehab - however, unless they are ready to do rehab it won't work. How I wish that I let my son fall way back when - I might not be in this dreadful position so far down the road. I come from a generation and worked in a business where recreational drugs were the norm so I wasn't horrified when I found out he was doing drugs - little did I know that he would become a full blown addict. For much of this time he was functioning - graduated university with a very good degree etc. It was only when he started on heroin the depth of his addiction affected every aspect of his life and ours.

While he has been clean from heroin for 4 years he continued to 'dabble in ketamine and cocaine. Because he was an addict snorting was not enough and he began injecting. He wound up in hospital for 7 weeks this summer and yet last Saturday he risked his life again by snorting ketamine. This is after swearing he would never take another drug! So my heartache continues.

I wish I could give you a pat answer but I can't. I can only tell you my experiences. The only thing I will say is nip it in the bud. Let him fall, don't be like me and continue to prop him up because in doing that I did him and myself a huge disservice.

It is early days for you I know so please avail yourself of all the support that you can including the literature on this site. Your son might be one of the lucky ones who grows out of it or wind up like my son for whom it is a lifelong every day battle.

G
Coming2terms
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2019 11:13 pm

Re: Dealing and using

Post by Coming2terms »

Thanks for your reply it’s really helpful having other people know what your going through although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone . My husband is great but he has his own way of dealing with the stress and it doesn’t include talking about it . My AS came home reasonably early last night and didn’t seem under the influence of any substance. Hope he can see we love him and want to help but he needs to want to help himself . I think we’ve got a struggle ahead but we’ve vowed to stay strong and refuse to give him money or enable him in any way . I have some relatives in far flung destinations who have said to send him there but I don’t know if that’s the answer . It would get him out of our home city and away from the dodgy people he’s been hanging with but worried he would just start doing the same in a different place. Difficult decisions ahead
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