I Need some advice on how I’m supposed to reacted

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twstevens.uk
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2019 8:27 pm

I Need some advice on how I’m supposed to reacted

Post by twstevens.uk »

I Need some advice on how I’m supposed to reacted

My house mate/girl friend is an addict she has admitted to having a problem with alcohol and weed but denies doing cociane.

She has gone 2 weeks with our alchol and was in full withdrawal

She has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression with bouts oh phayscosis she has been registered sign swansell as the mental health team will only see her their. she Self harms and Self Medicates

TO fund her habits she has resorted to Doing “arrangements” and to my Shame I was one of them and thats how i met her nearly 3 years ago, at the start i honestly believe she was started doing them to help get a better life for herself and her Son, and used Drink and drugs as a way to Cope.

After knowing her a few months she told me that she wasnt in a good place, and could we take things slowly i liked her a lot and was intrested in more so agreed, and spent until the end of 2017 getting to know each other where i would take her shopping/or drop it round talk to her and help out where i could, in return i got to know a really nice person and started to Fallin love with her over cups or tea.

I later found out Her son was taken in to the care of her sister over 2 years ago and last year she lost her house and moved into a hostel, after a few months she was kicked out owing them over £2K she was allowed back into the hostel and was told she had 8 weeks to find £800 a week later she was kicked out again for not staying their

When i Found out i picked her and took her home and made sure she had a bath, some food and a good nights sleep.

She has been staying with me and my mum ever since

I made sure she Claimed her UC and pays my mum rent each month.

I would help out where o could and would lend her money now and then, for petrol/Food, for her to see her son and Drugs/Alchol Sometimes she would pay me back, by cleaning my room/Car Etc

Then in May this year she odd £150 to a Drug Dealer for what she told me was weed and could she borrow the money as she could find an Arrangement in time i said no as i was feed up of beeing used all the time and had plans that week, she suggested that she would do an arrangement with me if i gave her the money, and i said yes.

I was Amazing for me, yes i Like sex who doesnt but it was more than that for me

then in june she siggested the same thing again and we had another arrangement and again it was amazing, she even said as much and i felt like we both wanted more.

Then She Disappeared in mid june whilst on an arrangement, and i had to pick her up from the middle of nowhere after she had a night of Sex, Cociane and Drink with someone else.

I picked her and after we saw a doctor the mental health team said she needed to be registed with swansell.

at the end of augusted she got arrested after i Snopped on her phone and found out that she had an arrangement at home whilst me and my mum away and promosed she would never do that, and the following week she lied and had an arrangement again doing cocaine instead of spending the weekend with me looking for cars (i said i would sought her a car out and only asked for her to stop drink and smoking weed for 2 weeks)+

After i Picked her up we agreed she wouldnt do any more arrangements and would stop calling/text a drug dealer or sells her cociane and will drop it off to her as well.

2 days later she called him again and again she promised me she would stop

Since then she has promised me nearly half a dozen times she would stop and we have agreed she would only call him for Drugs but she still calls him

her reason have been, she checking if he is ok, asking for a lift as he is her friend

I have now Said he is not her friend and needs to stop, if he is her friend she cares about him more than me

Everytime i bring these up she denies it and doesnt want to talk about her Past relastionships have been physical abuseive so i understand she might want to avoid conflict.

Her son had been dianosed woth ADHD and after speak to a psychiatrist who said with her symptons its sounds like she had boredline Personailitry Disorder

I even think she may not even remember half of the stuff she does.

How do i Cope with the Constant lies?

I think i can cope with the Addictions and her doing arrangements but i cant stand and hate all the lies not knowing if she is beeing honest with me
gloria1953
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am

Re: I Need some advice on how I’m supposed to reacted

Post by gloria1953 »

Hi

We don't advise as such but it is very clear that she is an addict and it is a lot more sinister than weed. Your kindness is being abused and you and your mother may be in danger from her associates and she may be stealing from you and your mom. Or worse. She brought a trick to your home.

Arrangements? She is turning tricks pure and simple and she is treating you like a trick. What kind of hostels charge??? I am sorry to have to be so brutal but she has a bad habit and like all addicts lie, lie and lie some more. She will never stop lying as long as she is addicted. She is obviously taking advantage of your kind nature and I am very sorry about that.

Only you can decide if you can deal with this chaos in your life and in your mother's life. It is not easy I know.

Take care.

G
Paulette
Posts: 208
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2019 9:29 am

Re: I Need some advice on how I’m supposed to reacted

Post by Paulette »

Hello

So sorry at what you are going through. When I read your post I could see that you are feeling lost in the chaos. But to me, an outsider, it's horribly clear. She is an addict. She is lying, stealing, turning tricks, manipulating - anything to get her drugs - and it sounds like much more than weed. She will only change if and when she wants to. Nothing you do can change that. But if you keep giving her money you may well be enabling her continued drug use. We have all done that. At some stage we have to stop - when we can. You've taken a big step by posting here so it sounds like you are working up to stopping enabling her.

You (and your mother) have been generous, kind, good hearted. But you may well be in danger from her associates (as Gloria says). Only you can decide when you have had enough.

Good luck

Px
twstevens.uk
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2019 8:27 pm

Re: I Need some advice on how I’m supposed to reacted

Post by twstevens.uk »

Thanks,

yeah my life is full of Chaos ATM,

I have stopped giving her money period now ans asked her mum to do the same.

she has already stolen Cash from me and my mum over the last 6 months or so, at first we weren't sure but now we know

Friday i asked if she had called the Drug dealer she said yeah on the same day she got her UC again 2 days later she had nothing left.

as mentioned she has had at least one Trick back here that i know of, she still denies this and says its in my hed even tho pictures on her phone clearly stat otherwise.

She said she called him for a lift and now i have said if she calls him again that will be it we will be done and she will have to leave

as for her associates, I did contact the police about him and nothing has been done yet even gave them a appx time and location on where he would be but nothing

@gloria
yeah i would say she is an addict, Alchol, Weed and Cocaine
Hostel - was housing association hostel
Arrangements - yeah its prety much escorting, one difference is the Money, you pay per meet rather than per hour and instead of at the begining of the night its at the end or a Monthly Allowance

I do think she wants to stop but is scared that she will fail, and when she sees what she has lost she climbs back into the bottle, she resent me sometimes for helpping her and says she wants control back and that no one trusts her

Everytime she acts Strange or i suspect something i make a note of it now, and have checked and pretty much right she has call drug dealer, everytime i test something in her room it tests postive for Cocaine but its when i get a chance should i do this more oftern and in front of her from now on?
twstevens.uk
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2019 8:27 pm

Re: I Need some advice on how I’m supposed to reacted

Post by twstevens.uk »

and rather she is addicted to Cocaine, think so but it maybe she does it for the strengh to get out of bed ie self medicating on a drug where every article i have read says it has know medical use, unlike weed where it does have some #(cbd not thc)
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: I Need some advice on how I’m supposed to reacted

Post by Poetry »

I agree with Gloria and Paulette. You sound like a good person who just wants some normal things in life-a relationship and family. You aren't going to get it with this girl, as it sounds as if the chaos in her life is increasingly being visited on yours. Perhaps you have done enough to now know you can do no more. It's up to her. If she wants to get clean and sober, the brutal truth is that she will do this without you.

We all have thought in our time that we can help our addicted love ones. Probably we can, with moral support and love, AFTER THEY DECIDE THAT THEY WANT TO BE CLEAN AND SOBER, and want it passionately.

Your mum must love you a lot, and I think it might be good to prioritise her, and make sure she is protected. You are not an addict, and she is lucky to have you. So many mums on here have been betrayed by their addicted children.

Do put yourself first. You are just one of this girl's clients. It sounds as if you deserve far better. All the best. P.
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