Hi, I just need to talk and at present there's none I want to speak to about this. Earlier, about an hour ago, just before 7am our 18 yr old daughter rushes out of the house and jumps in a car waiting for her, which screeched off. Although early, I am clearly up, so she wasn't avoiding disturbing me. I call her and continue to ring till she picks up. She's on her way to a&e and tells me not to worry. I ask her if she's taken something, of course she denies it, but I'd be a fool to think otherwise, given the tone of her voice and her agitation. She's clearly vomited in her bedside bin. I feel so angry, so frustrated with her, her situation, that we keep coming round to something like this every few months, and my initial reaction, is that she can just get on with it. But obviously inside I'm worried sick.
....and so a new year begins!!
Worried mum!! Another crisis!
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
I am sure we all know, on this forum, this feeling of intermittent dread and also disgust. It strikes me that your daughter had the common sense to get herself to A and E, instead of sleeping it off. Maybe there is some hope there that she will have frightened herself. As you imply, a day of fear for you, and when we are afraid, not much gets done.
My situation is different in that my son is forty and does not live with us, for which I am thankful, but then he is a man and your daughter is still so young. We will always fear for them and wish we could get them better. I won't get into what has been happening with my son recently, but my husband has gone off to meet him, by train as he lives elsewhere, as a meeting has been requested by son! I am sure we are going to be tapped for money by some devious means, but husband, full of unquenchable hope, is armed with an article about addiction for him. I remain sure that if he is to recover, that impetus will come without any interventions from us as we have spent two years trying to help, to no avail.
We all understand, then, about how you feel, Sadmum. It's a whole painful game we play. Our lives are "normal" and we get on with each day, doing what we have to do, with this affliction on our backs. I have noticed how only very close friends, really sensitive people, ask about my son now. Everyone else ignores him, and does not even ask how we are doing. It is as if he had died and the period during which we are allowed to mourn has passed.
People have no imagination. It's like my situation as an ME sufferer. I have had ME for 28 years. No-one gets that you can be ill for that long and not have recovered. They have their "cut off " point. I've stated to tell people how painful this attitude is.
Let me know later how it goes when you have more details about your daughter. Thanks for posting. It obvs led to me getting a few things off my chest. P
My situation is different in that my son is forty and does not live with us, for which I am thankful, but then he is a man and your daughter is still so young. We will always fear for them and wish we could get them better. I won't get into what has been happening with my son recently, but my husband has gone off to meet him, by train as he lives elsewhere, as a meeting has been requested by son! I am sure we are going to be tapped for money by some devious means, but husband, full of unquenchable hope, is armed with an article about addiction for him. I remain sure that if he is to recover, that impetus will come without any interventions from us as we have spent two years trying to help, to no avail.
We all understand, then, about how you feel, Sadmum. It's a whole painful game we play. Our lives are "normal" and we get on with each day, doing what we have to do, with this affliction on our backs. I have noticed how only very close friends, really sensitive people, ask about my son now. Everyone else ignores him, and does not even ask how we are doing. It is as if he had died and the period during which we are allowed to mourn has passed.
People have no imagination. It's like my situation as an ME sufferer. I have had ME for 28 years. No-one gets that you can be ill for that long and not have recovered. They have their "cut off " point. I've stated to tell people how painful this attitude is.
Let me know later how it goes when you have more details about your daughter. Thanks for posting. It obvs led to me getting a few things off my chest. P
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gloria1953
- Posts: 865
- Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:47 am
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
Dear Sadmum
I can so understand your worry although as Poetry said it was good that she had the common sense to get off to A&E.
Unfortunately, one cannot fathom the mind of an addict. Although my son is seeing a therapist who specialises in addiction he had a lapse at my home the other night. After having being hospitalised for 8 weeks after shooting cocaine intravenously he only goes and skin pops ketamine! Although it is not the same as IV it could still subject him to danger. I am aware that the road to recovery does unfortunately include relapses my son is 30, highly intelligent and should know better but the urge to get high obliterated any common sense.
If she vomited and was still conscious and able to explain it would indicate that she is not in any imminent danger but of course you will worry.
Like you I am sick and tired of having to deal with this every few months on a regular basis. I share your despair and frustration more than you can know. Please keep us posted.
G
I can so understand your worry although as Poetry said it was good that she had the common sense to get off to A&E.
Unfortunately, one cannot fathom the mind of an addict. Although my son is seeing a therapist who specialises in addiction he had a lapse at my home the other night. After having being hospitalised for 8 weeks after shooting cocaine intravenously he only goes and skin pops ketamine! Although it is not the same as IV it could still subject him to danger. I am aware that the road to recovery does unfortunately include relapses my son is 30, highly intelligent and should know better but the urge to get high obliterated any common sense.
If she vomited and was still conscious and able to explain it would indicate that she is not in any imminent danger but of course you will worry.
Like you I am sick and tired of having to deal with this every few months on a regular basis. I share your despair and frustration more than you can know. Please keep us posted.
G
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
Hi Poetry....thank you for your kind reply. I have read your posts since finding this forum, and my heart goes out to all of you that have travelled this journey for so much longer than the couple of years we have had to endure. I feel so inexperienced, but read replies and gain any insight and advice I can take from it.
I've been going over and over the possibilities of our daughter contacting a friend to pick her up at an incredibly early time for her, ( she hardly gets up before lunchtime, unless she has to work earlier), and rush her to a&e. From my short phone conversations with her, it was clear she didn't want me involved or tell me anything. She was clearly well enough to get herself out of the house, so I guess I really am jumping to conclusions. But they are based on past experience. Her using started with self medicating to ease anxiety, and soon got out of control. In the past she has attempted numerous O/D's on a cocktail of drugs/alcohol, and we have been tipped off by a friend she has confided in, then we find her unconscious and needing hosp treatment. My other thought this morning is that the "voices" in her head , obviously due to her drug taking has made her seek medical help, who knows. After the last time seeing her in hospital, once again not recognising this person lying there, who's our daughter, yet not the girl we remember and how utterly painful it was to see, I vowed in future if she got onto that state again, she's on her own. So I havent rushed to the hospital this morning. My husband left early today for a work trip, and not back till Friday, I haven't told him, as he had to cut his traveling back as it is because of our daughter, and the amount of times he's had to rush back in the past. The hospital have my number, no doubt they will call me to collect her. Sounds harsh, I know, but that's where I'm at now. She has been trying to get help, and has been seeing a counsellor, and also the GP has been working with her again recently as she seemed to be getting clean. I was feeling a little hopeful and supportive, but at the same time I've been aware that this is a long and difficult journey.
Anyway, pleased this has given you opportunity to chat about your day, your current issues.....sharing so helps! Thankfully I'm not working today, so have time to come on here, So feel free to chat about your day too. Just to add, it's our daughter's 19th birthday day after tomorrow, last night I sent out a message to family to pop over Saturday to help celebrate, and now I dont feel like it, she wont be in any fit state, and trying to pretend all is fine when it clearly isnt, will be a nightmare. So will cancel. It's all so sad, and how did we ever get to this place!!! Thinking of you, we're not alone.
I've been going over and over the possibilities of our daughter contacting a friend to pick her up at an incredibly early time for her, ( she hardly gets up before lunchtime, unless she has to work earlier), and rush her to a&e. From my short phone conversations with her, it was clear she didn't want me involved or tell me anything. She was clearly well enough to get herself out of the house, so I guess I really am jumping to conclusions. But they are based on past experience. Her using started with self medicating to ease anxiety, and soon got out of control. In the past she has attempted numerous O/D's on a cocktail of drugs/alcohol, and we have been tipped off by a friend she has confided in, then we find her unconscious and needing hosp treatment. My other thought this morning is that the "voices" in her head , obviously due to her drug taking has made her seek medical help, who knows. After the last time seeing her in hospital, once again not recognising this person lying there, who's our daughter, yet not the girl we remember and how utterly painful it was to see, I vowed in future if she got onto that state again, she's on her own. So I havent rushed to the hospital this morning. My husband left early today for a work trip, and not back till Friday, I haven't told him, as he had to cut his traveling back as it is because of our daughter, and the amount of times he's had to rush back in the past. The hospital have my number, no doubt they will call me to collect her. Sounds harsh, I know, but that's where I'm at now. She has been trying to get help, and has been seeing a counsellor, and also the GP has been working with her again recently as she seemed to be getting clean. I was feeling a little hopeful and supportive, but at the same time I've been aware that this is a long and difficult journey.
Anyway, pleased this has given you opportunity to chat about your day, your current issues.....sharing so helps! Thankfully I'm not working today, so have time to come on here, So feel free to chat about your day too. Just to add, it's our daughter's 19th birthday day after tomorrow, last night I sent out a message to family to pop over Saturday to help celebrate, and now I dont feel like it, she wont be in any fit state, and trying to pretend all is fine when it clearly isnt, will be a nightmare. So will cancel. It's all so sad, and how did we ever get to this place!!! Thinking of you, we're not alone.
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
Thank you Gloria....as I just said to Poetry, I do read the posts on here, and have read your sad updates on your situation, and appreciate the advice and experience that those of you that have been on this journey for that much longer can share. You're right, I cant fathom how our daughter's mind works when using, and realise i have jumped to conclusions based on past experiences with our daughter. But even if this is not directly drug related, because of her chosen lifestyle she is not well, abs I can see her damaging herself more and more.
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
Hello Sadmum
Like everyone else, the overwhelming sense I have is weariness. But also admiration. Every time my son has ended up in hospital I've rushed in, tried to get him the help he needs even when he's rejecting it, lost any pride I might have had left begging them to help him and begging him to take the help. You have such strength - I am sure you are right not to go. She went alone and didn't want you there. And there's also another positive in that she has taken responsibility for whatever state she got herself into. She's young - which means she has plenty of time to change if she wants to.
And it's horrible especially with the birthday coming up. I have found my son's birthdays almost unbearable, because I remember his birth, my optimism and joy and what has happened to that. I'm sure you are right to cancel.
Sending hugs
Px
Like everyone else, the overwhelming sense I have is weariness. But also admiration. Every time my son has ended up in hospital I've rushed in, tried to get him the help he needs even when he's rejecting it, lost any pride I might have had left begging them to help him and begging him to take the help. You have such strength - I am sure you are right not to go. She went alone and didn't want you there. And there's also another positive in that she has taken responsibility for whatever state she got herself into. She's young - which means she has plenty of time to change if she wants to.
And it's horrible especially with the birthday coming up. I have found my son's birthdays almost unbearable, because I remember his birth, my optimism and joy and what has happened to that. I'm sure you are right to cancel.
Sending hugs
Px
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
Sadmum, Thank you for your reply., and to all who have commented. Some days the only thing giving us any hope is the ability to communicate with one another. Things are absolutely desperate with my son, my husband tells me, so I am waiting till he gets back home to discuss.
I felt so alone and vulnerable this aft that I phoned the Samaritans. It was helpful. The guy was clearly a ex alcoholic or addict and confirmed everything I know about the hopelessness of trying to help addicts. They need to rescue themselves, but meanwhile, our pain is unendurable. I was glad that I saw how bad I was feeling, because tomorrow I am phoning my doctor, and I have contacted the counsellor I saw after my mum died. I'm sure she'll have me back.
We HAVE to take care of ourselves. Sadmum, what a day for you, but thank God we have this place to communicate with one another.
The MOST difficult aspect is knowing we can do so little. I have a strong feeling that i have to survive this pain, but yes, agree about the utter weariness, and for recovering addicts, Gloria, the shock of their relapses.
Sending so much love to all of you. P
I felt so alone and vulnerable this aft that I phoned the Samaritans. It was helpful. The guy was clearly a ex alcoholic or addict and confirmed everything I know about the hopelessness of trying to help addicts. They need to rescue themselves, but meanwhile, our pain is unendurable. I was glad that I saw how bad I was feeling, because tomorrow I am phoning my doctor, and I have contacted the counsellor I saw after my mum died. I'm sure she'll have me back.
We HAVE to take care of ourselves. Sadmum, what a day for you, but thank God we have this place to communicate with one another.
The MOST difficult aspect is knowing we can do so little. I have a strong feeling that i have to survive this pain, but yes, agree about the utter weariness, and for recovering addicts, Gloria, the shock of their relapses.
Sending so much love to all of you. P
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
And sending love and hugs to you Poetry
Px
Px
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
Sadmum,
Sorry to read of your daughters latest crisis. It seems neverending at times. The impact on other family members is awful. You feel in limbo. Hanging about, going through the motions of day to day life.
I remember feeling as if someone had pinched my joie de vivre. I still have that feeling at times. It's very unfair.
For the most part, I live my life and stay on my side of the street, to avoid being sucked into the sheer madness of it all.
My son doesn't live with me. He's in prison at the moment also.
Take 1 day at a time - it doesn't seem as overwhelming then.
Much Love
L x
Sorry to read of your daughters latest crisis. It seems neverending at times. The impact on other family members is awful. You feel in limbo. Hanging about, going through the motions of day to day life.
I remember feeling as if someone had pinched my joie de vivre. I still have that feeling at times. It's very unfair.
For the most part, I live my life and stay on my side of the street, to avoid being sucked into the sheer madness of it all.
My son doesn't live with me. He's in prison at the moment also.
Take 1 day at a time - it doesn't seem as overwhelming then.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Re: Worried mum!! Another crisis!
Hi all, I do appreciate your care and putting in the time to reply, the support so helps in many ways.
I've only just this morning been able to catch up with our daughter, she got in too late last night for me to talk with her. She stayed with a friend after being discharged from hospital, though she did text to say she was alright.
Anyway the reason for her taking herself, or calling a friend to take her to a&e was not directly drug related, though to me it's obvious her lifestyle has, and is taking a toll on her health. She was so unwell, very worried, which actually I am pleased about because she needs shaking up to the reality of what she's doing to herself. The upshot is she has a urine infection, probably had it for some time, also gastritis. So while she was feeling a bit more accepting of my care and concern this morning, I was able to get a bit more out of her. Apparently her Gp is concerned that the Ketamine has had lasting effects, and has an appt with urology in april. That is a concern as she was already under the care of a consultant from a baby to the age of 16 for a scarred kidney. I asked what she's taking/using, and says "Just weed". I hate that, when they say "just" weed as if it's of no consequence, but I know to be grateful for small mercies. When I questioned her on how long since harder drugs, she said a couple of weeks, so really no time at all!!! I hear in her voice that she wants to get clean, but as you all know, she has to put the effort and in, and REALLY want it. She looks so frail and pale, hardly 7 stone, physically scarred from years of self harming, it's so so tough. Anyway I know sadly there are so many of you that can relate to how this makes us feel. Thank you for your care
I've only just this morning been able to catch up with our daughter, she got in too late last night for me to talk with her. She stayed with a friend after being discharged from hospital, though she did text to say she was alright.
Anyway the reason for her taking herself, or calling a friend to take her to a&e was not directly drug related, though to me it's obvious her lifestyle has, and is taking a toll on her health. She was so unwell, very worried, which actually I am pleased about because she needs shaking up to the reality of what she's doing to herself. The upshot is she has a urine infection, probably had it for some time, also gastritis. So while she was feeling a bit more accepting of my care and concern this morning, I was able to get a bit more out of her. Apparently her Gp is concerned that the Ketamine has had lasting effects, and has an appt with urology in april. That is a concern as she was already under the care of a consultant from a baby to the age of 16 for a scarred kidney. I asked what she's taking/using, and says "Just weed". I hate that, when they say "just" weed as if it's of no consequence, but I know to be grateful for small mercies. When I questioned her on how long since harder drugs, she said a couple of weeks, so really no time at all!!! I hear in her voice that she wants to get clean, but as you all know, she has to put the effort and in, and REALLY want it. She looks so frail and pale, hardly 7 stone, physically scarred from years of self harming, it's so so tough. Anyway I know sadly there are so many of you that can relate to how this makes us feel. Thank you for your care