feels never ending

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lost77
Posts: 159
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2018 12:54 am

feels never ending

Post by lost77 »

Just having one of those days where it feels never ending, like a pointless merry go round of talking to a brick wall and family members being treated like a money tree to pay off drugs.

I am wondering if we will all have to remove ourselves from him as the lies, the hope and then utter despair is felt throughout the whole family whilst any of us are supporting/enabling him. If we did then he would be homeless and have nothing. I actually don't know how capable he is at managing any life now....... drugs destroy brain cells clearly.

Today I was contemplating offering rehab but he will say anything to get the pressure off and then never follows through. Then he throws another crisis (usually owing money) and the circle starts again.

I am half bored of it and yet half despairing of it.. Really am reaching a "off you go son and don't come back till your willing and clean" point.
FREE2BME
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Feb 15, 2020 9:15 pm

Re: feels never ending

Post by FREE2BME »

I just wanted to send you a hug to let you know that you are not alone. You sound very wise and insightful and someone who knows their own truth. I am very new to all this, (or at least the realisation of what is really happening), but I am learning to trust my own instincts and that if I go under with it all then I will be no good to anyone. Please trust yourself and look after *you*. Hugs x
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: feels never ending

Post by Poetry »

It's the same story, reiterated so many tragic times. You can do nothing. You want to do EVERYTHING. Believe me, it will not work. I'm so sorry. He will get the message, if he does, regardless of you and the family falling apart in their efforts to rescue him. Save everybody else, yourself in particular. You might like to read what I posted in response to another post just now. Rescue your life. You do not have to stop loving your boy. I THINK I still love mine.... Hmm..... Not too sure some days! Much love, P.
lost77
Posts: 159
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2018 12:54 am

Re: feels never ending

Post by lost77 »

Thank you for the replies and hugs. I does help to feel not so alone as this is a painful path to deal with and sometimes it seems like addiction really does want us to feel isolated and therefore vulnerable and unable to trust your instincts.

Thank you for your honesty Poetry , I have to say I have my doubts these days about my feelings around him which is so alien to me and my personality . Of course I love him in the sense of "him" but unfortunately now he is a shell of what he was and the treatment of others including myself is so unacceptable that at times I dislike him greatly. I can take the verbal abuse I get when I set boundaries but I just can't stand the lies, manipulation and emotional blackmail dished out to myself and family that have done nothing to ask for this.

Why should I have to worry about my and others mental health/safety/finances/valuables because of his choices. Its nothing short of disgraceful , beyond selfish and abuse in my eyes. He just wants drugs and the status quo of getting the money for drugs because if he didn't just want the drugs he would be willing to seek help (of which he has been given numerous opportunities).

I am afraid that I have an addict that is heading for a very very low place of nothing we have done everything we can and are powerless. it really has to be up to him to be willing and do the hard work.

Much love x
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: feels never ending

Post by Poetry »

With you in this, lost77.

We need to keep posting and engaging with one another, sanely and clear sightedly. Their addictions are out to destroy us. I'm not going down. P XX
FREE2BME
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Feb 15, 2020 9:15 pm

Re: feels never ending

Post by FREE2BME »

I love your last post Poetry. I agree it is helpful to be able to post and hear others wisdom.

No other illness or condition impacts on loved ones in quite the way addictions do.

"Their addictions are out to destroy us. I'm not going down"

We must stand strong together as we hold on to this resolve.

You are not alone Lost - we are here to hold each others hand. X
lost77
Posts: 159
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2018 12:54 am

Re: feels never ending

Post by lost77 »

Thank you both and I totally agree, its so important to stick together and keep posting . Sadly mine is a rapidly sinking ship but I am determined to put myself firmly in the life raft grabbing the family in with me. We all can't go down with it xx
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