Methadone and questions

Have your say
Post Reply
gold_7
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:23 am

Methadone and questions

Post by gold_7 »

Hi there. I posted this as a response to another poster, but I wanted to make it my own topic as well, as I could really use thoughts and support.

My husband has been an addict since he was about 15 I think. I new him as a teenager but we went our separate ways and got together in 2012 after my first marriage broke up. He was using crack and heroin at the time (I didn't know or understand it) but was diagnosed with MH problems in early 2013 and started medication and recovery, but through no program. I new he lapsed maybe x2 a year, but to my knowledge he was clean. His mental health was mostly stable but did go up and down, looking back.
In 2018, he relapsed completed on cocaine and alcohol; I didn't realise for ages as we didn't live together. I found out he was cheating on me with someone he used with. It was hell in so many ways. By December 2018 he had ended it and said he wanted to be clean. But he never did, he just used behind my back. We broke up in 2019 and he started using heroin again (smoking) but I started seeing him again when he got help and is now on methadone - a close family member of his was ill and I felt sorry for him.

He is adamant that apart form methadone, he is clean. But he falls asleep (comatose) for hours - can methadone really do that? I have spent time with him and I genuinely can't see how he can have used anything else - although if I am honest, I don't believe he is clean. He has attended some NA meetings, does the daily readings but does not have a sponsor or really started the 12 steps. It got to the point this weekend where I told him I can't go on like this. We spoke for ages, and again I felt sorry for him. Then yesterday evening, he popped out for an hour, came back sweating, paranoid and with white powder round his nose. And still denied he has used. I can't go on like this, and it hurts to let it all go after so much love, but he is no longer the person I loved, although I do see him in patches.

Am I abandoning him during his recovery? Can methadone make someone 'gouch' for hours? How can he have used when I am in the house with him all the time and he hasn't gone out? How could he have done it? I'd really appreciate some help with these blind spots, I think it will give me clarity and strength. I don't want to be with a using addict but I feel like there is no hope now.
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Methadone and questions

Post by LM66 »

Hi Gold

You're not abandoning him - you're taking care of yourself. This is what we have to do, or we get dragged under. He knows what he has to do, and only he can do it - for himself. He has to want the change. Difficult though it may be. There's no easy way or quick fix around recovery.
You will feel the sadness, and you'll feel guilty - don't let that allow you to be sucked back into the madness.

Take good care of you.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
gold_7
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:23 am

Re: Methadone and questions

Post by gold_7 »

Thank you - I haven't heard from him since yesterday and I am worried, but I feel like by not re-engaging, I am stepping out of his way. It's hard, but it's right. :cry:
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Methadone and questions

Post by Poetry »

Gold-7, you are doing the right thing! P

PS short and sweet message which sums it up. Carry on.
dramaqueen
Posts: 385
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Methadone and questions

Post by dramaqueen »

Gold

you are doing the right thing.

Addicts love their addiction more than they can love anyone else but they are very skilled at turning on the charm and drawing you in.

Sending you strength.

DQ
gold_7
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:23 am

Re: Methadone and questions

Post by gold_7 »

Thank you so much for the replies, it helps to have the support of people who truly understand.

It’s my birthday today and I know he’s expecting to spend time with me. He’s messaged (when he feels like it) but I haven’t responded yet. I haven’t seen him since last Sunday or spoken to him since Monday and I am going to maintain it. I’m being a ‘grey rock’ at the moment and it seems to work.
dramaqueen
Posts: 385
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Methadone and questions

Post by dramaqueen »

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GOLD!!!

You deserve so much better than him. I read a book which helped me recently - the Unexpected Joy of Being Single.

I hope you were able to celebrate your birthday.

Best wishes and big hugs

DQ
Post Reply