New here-BF smokes cannabis

[2goodshoes]

Morning all

I’m new here. Looking for some advice/help/support regards to my bf of 5 years.
His smoked cannabis since his teens-his 31 now 32 late summer. I’m nearly 37.
I’ve only discovered the past 2 years he smoked it-he hid it from me. He had mention through our relationship he smoked it as a teen but not he was using it through our relationship.
I only confronted him a year ago on it-too scared to mention it Incase he flew into a rage. I discovered it as 1 day I suddenly got a strong stench of it when he came home from work.
Then noticed a pattern a merging. I then found joint butts on our pebbled drive.
I just kept quiet and hoped this usage would just stop. It didn’t.
We had a major issue this time last year in our relationship I kicked him out and also told him in the heat of the row I knew he smoked weed.

Allowed him back home after a few days and spoke about the weed, he kept going on about his mental health how he was depressed/anxious etc I said it’s down to the smoking-he was in complete denial and defensive over the weed-harmless!!! Not a bad drug, helps cancer patients etc-tryin to sell me the ‘goodness’ of this rubbish! I managed to get him to go to the doctors and went with him.
He asked the doctor questions does it really mess you up etc and she confirmed it does-he seemed surprised. She referred to him a drugs unit support group. He turned up but he left as soon as he got there saying it was all smack heads and his not like them or got a problem like them. The damage is now done to his mental health now anyway!!! I said to him you may of damaged it but why keep adding to it?!!? he knows how anti drugs I am. I’ve never touched it in my life. I had it drummed into me from an early age the dangers and addiction it can lead too and it basically scared the life out of me.
I always told myself I would never be with someone who took drugs-this just goes against all my morals and beliefs.
Since then we went doctors in May 2019. It’s been all swept under the carpet like every issue we have in our relationship-he can get very hot headed in rows and he knows I hate rows/confrontation and get scared when he goes 0-100 in rows.
Earlier this year-a heated row happened and again I threw up I knew he was still smoking weed I had enough of it etc.
He claimed he wasn’t!! Although I kept smelling it on him and told him the most dangerous liars are the ones who believe there own lies and it seemed to trigger something in him-he confessed he was still smoking it. Wanted to stop, was going to later this year. He doesn’t enjoy it anymore, he feels guilty when making it/smoking it. Doesn’t like the sneaking around behind my back or waiting for a window of opportunity if I’ve popped to the supermarket to make one.
He said he was coming off it. Went on holiday in Feb he kept saying all holiday that’s it when we get back-be out of my system as I won’t of had it for a week-how I’ve got to make sure I don’t leave his side-if I need to pop to shops I have to drag him with me even if he doesn’t want too!! He kept saying it will be hard but his going to do it. I can check his van any time I want to do checks on him.
He knows my character and knows I wouldn’t check his van on the spot-reason being as mention before the confrontation would lead to a row of him getting angry and defensive.
So I left it-2 weeks after being back I could smell it again. Upset, angry, why the hell am I putting up with this? Was what I said to myself. I told myself I can’t be bothered anymore if his going to do it his going to do it. I’m past caring.
Another heated row happened last week and I went to town on him-we’ve had issues in our relationship where his lied to me over big things-cheating, how he got his drink driving ban 3 years ago, gets verbally aggressive in rows calls me all names under the sun, threatens to smash up the house etc and each time the door Matt that I am I forgive. He breaks me down with all the I love you’s etc. Last week I thought sod all this, he had pushed me to my limit-I told him it was over I knew he was still smoking that rubbish etc.
Again, telling me how he wants to stop, now smoking lighter cannabis-hash I think it is?
I’ve now told him I’m sick to death of it along with other things, I’m constantly burying and suppressing my feelings for an ‘easier life’ so he doesn’t kick off etc.
I’ve told him if he hasn’t kicked it by 16th May this year we are done for good.

His told me his going to do it but for me not to police him up till then. He believes me now when I say it’s done if his not kicked it.
He said he will still smoke it till then and gradually come off it.
I keep smelling it on him since I said it last week. Just feel his taking the p out of me now coming in clearly smelling of it. I’ve told him he’d get arrested for being stoned or Having it on him if the police stopped him-he laughed at me saying they wouldn’t they would just give him a fine.
I’ve told him they will know when they stop you your a drink driver from checking your police record plus his got a record for numerous fights etc from his 20’s.
He thinks his invincible, law doesn’t apply to him, there not interest him there looking for the drug pushers/top dogs.
It’s a form of arrogance he has surrounding it all and he knows I don’t as I’m so straight laced.

His usage of it in his words are his a user more often than not, makes one will have a few puffs put it out. Goes back later for a few more puffs puts out again.
He claims his not smoking 2,3,4 a day his not a ‘pot head sitting around being a bum smoking it all day long’ and I believe his got this mentally it’s not a problem as his not like that.

I saw a lady on here under the name Butterfly or Butterfies who was posting round this time last year and in 2018 is she still here?? I really connected with her story it felt like mine in ways, I was hoping to speak with her if she is still on here.

We have no children together. He has a 9 year old from a previous relationship.

[Poetry]

I think your best bet is to read lots of old posts on here. Our stories are all the same story. I have just replied to another post so do read that. The short answer is-if you have picked up a problem with drugs, it will get worse unless the problem user acknowledges the problem, AND STOPS.

Once you have made clear that you will not tolerate it, put a time limit on it and then get free.

Protect yourself.

I do recall the name Butterfly, but think maybe she hasn't posted in while.....Altho we do sometimes on here identify with one particular poster, it's the general trend which is important. We are here really to make sure we come through. You are young-the age of my second son (the addict is my oldest) and have so much to look forward to when you decide enough is enough. Love, Poetry.