Never ending wake up call

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Bamboo
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 1:11 pm

Never ending wake up call

Post by Bamboo »

I am trying to let go but it’s so hard, my sons addiction has permanently damaged his bladder and he has pee into a bag on his leg.. no stopping. Then last year the bomb , he has been diagnosed With heart failure and needs a heart transplant. You would thing this would stop him , no still continues.
He had to go into hospital this weekend due to heart condition, he now has had 2 covd tests first positive second negative. He was discharged today but couldn’t wait for discharge paperwork.. he said he was desperate for a Mac Donald’s!
I contacted the hospital to clarify what was needed due to a positive the negative covd test. They said he should isolate for 14 days to be safe, but his gone out.
I have sent away for home testing for the rest of my family. How do we isolate from him? When will he stop or what will make him stop.
Sorry this is my first time at admitting his addiction after 5 years of trying to take control, defend him and believe him.. it’s so hard to cut my ties as he lives with us.
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Never ending wake up call

Post by LM66 »

Hi Bamboo
I so wish I could give you some magic advice to make this go away.
How do we get them to stop? Simple answer is, we can't. They won't stop until they are ready to - if that ever happens. Like many others, Ive flogged myself into the ground trying to "fix" my son - to no avail. We only end up making ourselves ill and skint.
We can't make anyone change, or prevent what they do. However, we can prevent them doing it in our home. Addiction will affect everyone else in the home, so you have to protect them and yourself.
Due to your son being unwell, I can imagine it makes it more difficult for some decisions.
Your son doesn't seem ready for change Bamboo, so you will have to. Get as much support for you, as you can. You can't support your son whilst he is actively using. Having support makes it less isolating, and somehow, I found that comforting. Read old posts - they helped me no end - and keep coming back here. Lots of us parents around.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Never ending wake up call

Post by Poetry »

Bamboo, I endorse what LM has said. Nothing you can do. It's good that you are admitting you need support, and sometimes that comes through knowing that everyone on here understands everything. As best you can, protect yourself and the other non addicts in your family. I have been on here two years and more now. It has got me through many a desperate day. Love, P.
Bamboo
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 1:11 pm

Re: Never ending wake up call

Post by Bamboo »

I thank you for your ears, that has been the hardest for me, I am constantly being judge and given me In realistic simple advice such as kick him out. With medical conditions that’s a not option.
I have taken decision to leave all the trying to make it better for him and now trying to stay focused on me. Reading through the 12 steps and attending my first online meeting this week, and this forum , reading others experiences makes me feel I’m not alone .
Because it does feel a lonely place to watch someone you love not love you back. Feel the clouds are lifting for me. 🌛 Bamboo x
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Never ending wake up call

Post by Poetry »

Bamboo, so pleased to hear that you are getting support. My son does not live near us and does not keep in contact, so it is quite peaceful (though it has been HELL). I do count myself lucky in that respect, but whatever our situation, we have lost our children. I tend to be on an even keel until I get news of the addict. My youngest tries to support him, so we ask him from time to time, and we see all manner of mad posts on Instagram put there by the addict, so we know how dire it is.

Yesterday we asked for an update, to be told that the paranoia (AGAIN!) is in control and the addict was going to take himself off to the hospital and ask them to take him seriously for once! Youngest son is brilliant but will not accept that he is doing his brother no favours by not telling him the paranoia is drug induced. He also gives him money. He's "vulnerable."

We don't interfere. He knows our stance.

Even the news about the exchange of emails between them made me feel low and threatened. Meanwhile, my middle son was policing the demonstrations in London and having missiles thrown at him. You can't win. even when one of them grows up to make you proud!!

Love to everyone on here. P.
Bamboo
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 1:11 pm

Re: Never ending wake up call

Post by Bamboo »

Dear Poetry
The chaos of the addiction ripples .. no matter where they are. It’s like you don’t want to know but keep wanting to know. Even though it distrupts our calmness. This is because we always hope. Your younger son is doing what’s right for him right now.
Now your middle son is Proudly demonstrating for a change in the treatment of people regardless of colour/race .. Even if it means putting himself in harms way .. seems like this is what your younger son is doing.. Poetry your boys are a credit to you in their way they are trying to make changes that will benefit us all.
Take care
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Never ending wake up call

Post by Poetry »

Bamboo, thank you for that ringing endorsement when I felt low. P. x
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