My two teenage sons (15 & 18) are apparently now taking ketamine to help "treat the PTSD" they have self diagnosed themselves with following my divorce from their dad. We have all suffered emotionally from the divorce (their dad and I separated 3.5 years ago). Their dad and I have both offered to facilitate family therapy or individual counselling for them. We have stopped pocket money, so are not financially enabling them. We have set clear boundaries such as no drugs in the house; curfews for returning home and a rota for chores. We have talked to them about the risks and long term side effects of drug use, especially on their developing brains, and have sent them details of drug advice lines for them to call - all have fallen on deaf ears.
I feel entirely confused over where we should go from here although I am trying to read the daily FA readings and take on board the FA lessons. Any suggestions as to what we can do next? It doesn't feel right to "let go" when they are both so young...
DQ
Ketamine as "treatment for PTSD"
Re: Ketamine as "treatment for PTSD"
Hi DQ,
Sounds to me you are offering the right things to date. We both know in our heart of hearts that the Ketamine use is probably not really due to the divorce at all, although of course its an exceptionally tough time for any family.
I feel the use is a choice and an excuse to shift blame from their actions to make it "someone else's fault" and easier to carry on.
Try to keep coming back on here, keep getting strength and support from others where you can. I can't offer any advice but there are some really wonderful people on here who I am sure will share their similar experience.
Big hug
Jo
Sounds to me you are offering the right things to date. We both know in our heart of hearts that the Ketamine use is probably not really due to the divorce at all, although of course its an exceptionally tough time for any family.
I feel the use is a choice and an excuse to shift blame from their actions to make it "someone else's fault" and easier to carry on.
Try to keep coming back on here, keep getting strength and support from others where you can. I can't offer any advice but there are some really wonderful people on here who I am sure will share their similar experience.
Big hug
Jo
Re: Ketamine as "treatment for PTSD"
What a nice reply from Jo! Yes, that are young, but I'm not sure their age make it any easier for you to do any more than you are presently, DQ. You have been so supportive, rational, and thorough, and at the same time maintained your own boundaries in order to survive.
It's a case of being there if your boys do seem (or one of them) to want to turn it around.
It's just so utterly crushing. We have been sorting out the garage and I'm feeling rather low anyway. Seeing my son's old books which we read together, and his Lego brought me to tears and I NEVER cry! We can blame them, and they deserve it, but it still cuts us to the quick. His drug use has been blamed on us, and I imagine had we divorced, that would have been the culprit, but believe me, they will always find a way of passing the blame. Many kids go through much worse than our boys, and turn it to account.
Hugs all round.
It's a case of being there if your boys do seem (or one of them) to want to turn it around.
It's just so utterly crushing. We have been sorting out the garage and I'm feeling rather low anyway. Seeing my son's old books which we read together, and his Lego brought me to tears and I NEVER cry! We can blame them, and they deserve it, but it still cuts us to the quick. His drug use has been blamed on us, and I imagine had we divorced, that would have been the culprit, but believe me, they will always find a way of passing the blame. Many kids go through much worse than our boys, and turn it to account.
Hugs all round.
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Re: Ketamine as "treatment for PTSD"
Dear Jo and Poetry,
Many thanks for your replies. Poetry - it must be so sad to find the Lego blocks and books and to remember those early childhood years.
Thank you both again for your replies.
DQ
Many thanks for your replies. Poetry - it must be so sad to find the Lego blocks and books and to remember those early childhood years.
Thank you both again for your replies.
DQ
Last edited by dramaqueen on Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Ketamine as "treatment for PTSD"
I'm so pleased to hear that you have another child, DQ. Although it does not mitigate the sorrow we feel at the behaviour of the other/others, it does tend to ground us in the certainty that we did everything right and, to reassure us that normal parent/adult child relationships can grow and mature. Your twenty year old is also affected by the behaviour of the younger ones, and you need to keep strengthening those bonds which you have with one another. Going on holiday together sounds exactly what you both need, and planning it will be fun.
It was always obvious to me, when dealing with our addict was at its most stressful and intense, that I must also make sure my support of the other two did not lapse, and two years on, they do recognise how consistent I was. It's just as well, as our attempts to rescue the addict were doomed!
This will be a trying time for you, with your two coming home, but you are clear about your rules. I very much identify with your points about their being sluggish and not engaging in exercise and their things which key us to a healthy lifestyle, physically and mentally. One night when my son phoned my husband, in a state, I asked to speak to him. I told him to go out and have a look at the stars, as it was a clear night, and to take a cup of tea out with him. This is what I do when sleep is difficult. I knew he would ignore it.
Sending you love and support. Keep in touch. I will! P x
It was always obvious to me, when dealing with our addict was at its most stressful and intense, that I must also make sure my support of the other two did not lapse, and two years on, they do recognise how consistent I was. It's just as well, as our attempts to rescue the addict were doomed!
This will be a trying time for you, with your two coming home, but you are clear about your rules. I very much identify with your points about their being sluggish and not engaging in exercise and their things which key us to a healthy lifestyle, physically and mentally. One night when my son phoned my husband, in a state, I asked to speak to him. I told him to go out and have a look at the stars, as it was a clear night, and to take a cup of tea out with him. This is what I do when sleep is difficult. I knew he would ignore it.
Sending you love and support. Keep in touch. I will! P x
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- Posts: 393
- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm
Re: Ketamine as "treatment for PTSD"
Thank you Poetry. I love that idea - going out to look at the stars when sleep is difficult, remembering that we are part of a universe, putting everything in context. Just the idea of doing that will make me sleep well tonight.
Warmest regards
DQ
Warmest regards
DQ