Hi All.
Just wondering if anyone has felt completely broken and left behind by their herion addit husband.
12 weeks ago I asked him to leave as I couldn't take it anymore. I don't know what he has been doing or where he has been, the only contact we have had is when he wants money, sometimes I gave in and gave it to him as I didn't want him coming home and upsetting the kids.
Last week he begged his mum to help him get clean, he has been staying with her and hasn't been out for 5 days. He was a daily user so this is amazing.
But for me this week has been hell...(To be honest the last 2byears have been hell) I have had police round my house looking for him as there has been a threat made against his life, because of this a police car has been parked outside for a deterrent, even thou he is not here they still did it. I have also had people calling me up to ask if we have split up as his name is all round town as being with another woman.
He called last night saying he's ok now and wants to know whats happening with us....Im just completely shocked he thinks now that he is fine, really its been 5 days, he just thinks everything can go back to normal, he has completely broken us, there is no trust, I do love him but don't think I can be with him as I don't think im ever going to get over all the pain he has brought upon me and the kids and I have so many questions that just can't be answered.
I guess my question is.....has anyone managed to save a relationship after years of drug abuse,
Thanks for listening x
Left Behind
Re: Left Behind
I'm so sorry. My addict is my son. My answer would be, it's not up to us to save the relationship, but up to the user to get clean and save the relationship. We are all exhausted doing more than is humanly possible, but unless they want to change, we are not going to succeed. I hope you can get a bit of peace. Sorry this is not more positive. Give yourself break. Love, P.
Re: Left Behind
How are you doing mumofboys? do you have any support network for you at this difficult time?
Thinking of you
Thinking of you
Re: Left Behind
Sjo
Thank you for asking, i posted this on another post today...
My husband has also given into his addiction, he spent weeks and weeks saying hes going to get clean and every thing will be fine, I told him getting clean is brilliant but our life isn't just going to go back to normal as TOO much has happened and so much hurt has been caused
With this he decided whats the point then and has gone back to using, hes staying in the house, literally just sleeps here, he has gone to work for the last 2 weeks and has spent all the money on his addiction, he hasn't given anything towards the bills or our 4 children, Im in the process of trying to find another place and sell our house as he's so selfish and I can't afford the mortgage anymore. It hurts so much knowing he has money but choose to spend it on drugs knowing there is no food in the house for his kids, he just doesn't seem to care
Im absolutely heart broken that he has just chosen to give up on me and his family but I know that I can't change him, I wish we were enough for him but we are not and im gradually coming to terms with this. I never thought my life would end up like this and becoming a single mum. I get so mad with him that he has messed up my life and doesn't seem bothered at all.
I have good family and friends that are being amazing but its a long hard rollercoster of emotions, I absolutely HATE drugs and how they rip families apart.
This site really helps and Im glad I found it, as I feel us non drug users are left behind and there is not a huge amount of support out there.
Xx
Thank you for asking, i posted this on another post today...
My husband has also given into his addiction, he spent weeks and weeks saying hes going to get clean and every thing will be fine, I told him getting clean is brilliant but our life isn't just going to go back to normal as TOO much has happened and so much hurt has been caused
With this he decided whats the point then and has gone back to using, hes staying in the house, literally just sleeps here, he has gone to work for the last 2 weeks and has spent all the money on his addiction, he hasn't given anything towards the bills or our 4 children, Im in the process of trying to find another place and sell our house as he's so selfish and I can't afford the mortgage anymore. It hurts so much knowing he has money but choose to spend it on drugs knowing there is no food in the house for his kids, he just doesn't seem to care
Im absolutely heart broken that he has just chosen to give up on me and his family but I know that I can't change him, I wish we were enough for him but we are not and im gradually coming to terms with this. I never thought my life would end up like this and becoming a single mum. I get so mad with him that he has messed up my life and doesn't seem bothered at all.
I have good family and friends that are being amazing but its a long hard rollercoster of emotions, I absolutely HATE drugs and how they rip families apart.
This site really helps and Im glad I found it, as I feel us non drug users are left behind and there is not a huge amount of support out there.
Xx
Re: Left Behind
You echoed something I just wrote in support of another member. I agree that it is all about the drug user. That's fine, IF the person makes any effort. So much seems to be expended, in money terms and in terms of other types of support, I sometimes think that we who also suffer are overlooked. I am capable of being quite "moral" about this. We have all had our problems and did not resort to drink and drugs, or if we did, we got through it.
Stay on here. I do. P.
Stay on here. I do. P.
-
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2020 7:37 pm
Re: Left Behind
I'm going through the same. Get rid. If drugs come before your kids, get rid now. Speak to citizens advice. Speak to a solicitor. U can get legal aid if he has fleeced you and you have to apply for U.C
Re: Left Behind
I haven't seen him in nearly 2 weeks now....apart from him calling from Wales last week saying he had broken down and needed money for the AA.....I didn't give him any and didn't answer any calls...
He's nearly 40 and going to raves.....JOKE....
He stood infront of me awhile back and said im clean now....I said no your not, look at your arms....they are covered in needle marks, how can they just said there and bear face lie.
Its been hard being a single Mum but as each day passes Im getting better at dealing with it. Just feel sorry for my kids as they haven't seen him for weeks now.
He's nearly 40 and going to raves.....JOKE....
He stood infront of me awhile back and said im clean now....I said no your not, look at your arms....they are covered in needle marks, how can they just said there and bear face lie.
Its been hard being a single Mum but as each day passes Im getting better at dealing with it. Just feel sorry for my kids as they haven't seen him for weeks now.
-
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2020 7:37 pm
Re: Left Behind
Kids are so resilient tho. As long as ur there for them. Ur their constant. Why don't u do video calls with him if they're asking for him or ask him will he come and see them for an hour or take them out with a trusted person present too? That's what I do.
They are complete liars. I am so happy since my pinocchio has gone.
They are complete liars. I am so happy since my pinocchio has gone.
-
- Posts: 393
- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm
Re: Left Behind
Hi Mum of boys
My heart goes out to you. I have read in your post that you have 4 children? I have 3 and I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be with 4 and their dad using drugs and attending raves like a teenager. So glad to hear that you are getting support. I hope you get some time to yourself and to practice self care - you deserve a little pampering in between, you will need it to keep going. I have always neglected that in the past but am better at making time for it now and it makes a real difference to your ability to weather the inevitable storms. Keep asking for help and stay on this forum - you are doing amazingly well. Be kind to yourself and proud of how you are coping with extreme circumstances.
Sending a big virtual hug
DQ
My heart goes out to you. I have read in your post that you have 4 children? I have 3 and I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be with 4 and their dad using drugs and attending raves like a teenager. So glad to hear that you are getting support. I hope you get some time to yourself and to practice self care - you deserve a little pampering in between, you will need it to keep going. I have always neglected that in the past but am better at making time for it now and it makes a real difference to your ability to weather the inevitable storms. Keep asking for help and stay on this forum - you are doing amazingly well. Be kind to yourself and proud of how you are coping with extreme circumstances.
Sending a big virtual hug
DQ