what is rock bottom?!!

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suncloud
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2020 11:13 am

what is rock bottom?!!

Post by suncloud »

My daughter who has been using drugs since she was 14 yrs old and is now 30 has had her children put into foster care. I m losing my beautiful grandchildren, even tho I am fighting to look after them as I am 70 and single they could end up being adopted. I thought this might be her rock bottom and a chance to look at her life but no, she is getting more involved with drugs, and dealers, was beaten up recently and all her stuff stolen, She is so vulnerable but continues making the wrong choices. I feel overwhelmed by sadness and grief. Maybe there is no rock bottom for her. :cry:
Angelwings
Posts: 95
Joined: Tue May 03, 2016 5:27 am

Re: what is rock bottom?!!

Post by Angelwings »

Oh suncloud I so feel your pain ๐Ÿ˜ญ I am at present looking after my 2.5 year old grandaughter whilst her mum continues on her journey with drugs. It really is heart breaking for you and the grandchildren. I fear what would happen to my wee GD should I get sick ๐Ÿ˜ญ they say everyone has a rock bottom you can only hope and pray that day will come for your daughter ๐Ÿ™„ meanwhile all you can do is look after yourself and continue fighting for the little ones, it is such a horrible scenario especially when there is little innocent kids involved. That is what breaks my heart ๐Ÿ’” what age are the kids and do you get to see them ๐Ÿค”
suncloud
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2020 11:13 am

Re: what is rock bottom?!!

Post by suncloud »

Thanks for your support, the Los are 2 yrs and 6 yrs old. At the moment I can see them one day per fortnight but after court hearing in November I might not be able to see them again if they are adopted. Cant bear the thought of losing them as i am slowly losing my daughter too. :cry:
Paulette
Posts: 208
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2019 9:29 am

Re: what is rock bottom?!!

Post by Paulette »

This is so horribly sad for you. I'm so sorry. I suspect you are right that you won't be given care of the grandchildren but it is worth fighting to maintain contact with them. Their connection with their birth family is important for them whatever happens next. And if you fight for that, at least you will know you have fought for them. The charity Family Rights Group has a lot of information on their website about kinship care as well as discussion boards. I've found their information really helpful in the past.

I spent years waiting for my son to hit rock bottom. I have no idea where that is anymore and I've given up trying. 3 spells in prison. No front teeth. Beaten up numerous times by people he owed money to. Totally paranoid and psychotic many times. Told that the next time he is paranoid he may never regain his sanity. None of it was enough to bring him to rock bottom. Now, in prison, with covid, he is furious because all of us are liaising with each other every time he demands money from one of us - we are all refusing and helping each other stay firm. He thinks this is disloyal to him. I kid you not. I suppose I am saying give up on your daughter hard as that is, and concentrate on the grandchildren and on yourself.

It is incredibly painful. And we all understand on here. Keep posting.

Pxx
Angelwings
Posts: 95
Joined: Tue May 03, 2016 5:27 am

Re: what is rock bottom?!!

Post by Angelwings »

Suncloud I am with Paulette on this one, fight to maintain contact with your wee grandkids, they need you in their life ๐Ÿ˜ I could not bare the thought of not seeing my wee grandaughter, it's hard bloody work looking after her, I am 58 and not what I expected to be doing at my age ๐Ÿ™„ I am trying not to think too far down the line ๐Ÿค”

It would be extremely unfair if a court suggested they are not allowed to keep in touch with you ๐Ÿ˜ญ let's hope that doesn't happen ๐Ÿ˜

I understand how hard it is to let your daughter go also, your head tells you one thing but your heart tells another, as no matter what they do we will always love them ๐Ÿ’– I don't particularly like my daughter right now but my love will always remain ๐Ÿ’–

Stay strong Suncloud ๐Ÿ’–
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: what is rock bottom?!!

Post by Poetry »

Suncloud, it's good that you came on here. Angelwings is very much able to share your experience, which is big help to both of you. We all understand, even if the ways in which addiction impacts on our lives is a little different owing to different life circumstances. I am lucky in that my granddaughters are not the children of the addict, and I in no way am unaware ohf how the taking care of them will be sapping the strength of those of you with those duties,, BUT you might well be ultimately saving them.

I do understand what you are saying about the heartbreak of eventual adoption, but try to keep in mind how some little aspect of your care of them might be a spur to their futures. It was my grandpa who was the saving of me (been through a couple of very rough patches in my increasingly long life) because he gave me self belief, which my parents did not.

YES. Fight for access.

Rock bottom-I agree that for some it does not exist. It exists for those who are going to recover anyway, whose self disgust at some point overrides their addiction. It's best to accept that for many, it will not come. I do not think my son will now recover.

Paulette, how sad that your son has Covid, and at a time when your family would want to rally round and try to look after him, albeit at distance, you have to stand firm. We all understand this particular anguish. I keep having the mad thought that I will send my son a Christmas card. You know, I'd try to choose something arty and intellectual (he used to be like that) BUT he would just see it as manipulation. What foul choices they have made, when a mum cannot even send her lad a Christmas card.

For heavens' sake, lets stay on here and talk to others who understand. P xx
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