I’m still here

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Liverpool6
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2020 8:22 pm

I’m still here

Post by Liverpool6 »

Hi everyone ,I hope everything is improving for you all. It’s been a long time since I logged in here , just felt I’ve been stuck in a low low place and just passing it on here. I know no-one here is going to say I should keep it to myself as you are all far too considerate of other people and their troubles. I’m no different , I will listen to anything anyone wants / needs to say . I just feel mine is done now , no amount of complaining / talking / worrying about any of it is going to give me peace or a new life.
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: I’m still here

Post by LM66 »

Hi Liv
Good to hear from you! I've often wondered how you are.
Even though you feel life will not change for you, it still does a person good ( I think) to "get it off your chest".
We might not be able to change the addict in our life, but we can (I believe) learn ways to put some things/people on the back foot, and make life somewhat happier for ourselves. If you feel you can't leave, to get out of the situation, then finding ways to improve your quality of life can only help, surely? Even having a rant, to folks who understand, can help.
So, pull up a chair, and shove the kettle on Liv. We're all here, all in different situation, and can get support from each other to keep going.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Poetry
Posts: 1348
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: I’m still here

Post by Poetry »

Hello Liv. Good advice. I always say stay on here, whatever your situation is. There's no "typical" famanon person- we are all dealing with it as best we can or in the way in which our circumstances permit. Try to seek out as much as you can which is positive. This will probably mean for you, getting out of the house. Things will start to loosen up soon, we hope but even at the moment it's possible to take short walks, and even if your area is built up, there are other folk out and sometimes the sun. P
Liverpool6
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2020 8:22 pm

Re: I’m still here

Post by Liverpool6 »

Hi Poetry , LM66,
Thank you for your posts. I’m really at a stage now where I really don’t want to mention or discuss the addict any longer. She’s probably not used any of her pills for a long time now but I believe the damage is done in her mind already and beyond repair. I don’t know or want to know what the medical people would say is long enough off the stuff as to me it’s a ticking bomb that may or may not explode. Ive wasted so much of m life,it’s hard to explain how I feel as I really don’t know.
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: I’m still here

Post by LM66 »

I can relate to that Liv. I got to a point with my son where I didnt give a rats arse would happened to him. I have to admit, that I still do feel that way, but not in an angry way. Apathetic most likely.
I went through phases where I felt that I ciuld go up like a rocket, with sheer rage. One of my friends at work said " you don't share about "son" anymore". Why would I want to? Why would I want to have thoughts of him and all his crap at the front of my mind". He got put in a box, and there he stays.
Ain't nothing wrong with that! And you don't need to talk about your wife, you can talk about you. Start a " general chit chat" thread. I think that would give folks an opportunity to talk about anything other than addiction. Could ve refreshing, and a wee break in the cloud during these times.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Liverpool6
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2020 8:22 pm

Re: I’m still here

Post by Liverpool6 »

LM66,
Thanks for that , I too can relate to what you say and I do understand and agree about “idle chit chat” . Maybe I take things too seriously , that’s how I am .
Also like you said I couldn’t give a rats arse and that is fact , but what I do is out of a sense of duty , responsibility, accountability for my children’s mother. It’s easy for people to say things like “you have no responsibility, or obligation etc and you should not feel guilty if you walk away”. What’s the point in me helping others in any small way if I can’t provide the basics for her. It sort of makes little of the help I give others which may not be much but it’s a little .

Just reading your bit about how you don’t share about your son anymore. I don’t share any more either because I’ve gone past that as I feel my story is just looking for sympathy when I speak to anyone. I don’t want or need sympathy , I’ve lost so much but feel I’m through the worst parts of the whole process .
One more thing I think you might like. You say why would you want to talk about him or have thoughts about him. Someone who was very helpful for me during my worst times gave one piece of advice which I’ve never forgotten . She simply said that person you think about and worry about endlessly is “ renting space in your head which they’re not paying for”. Thanks to her my head is now vacant. I now think and worry / care about my children only.
Poetry
Posts: 1348
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: I’m still here

Post by Poetry »

It's good to hear that we are caring for the innocent and not wasting time on those who have rejected our efforts. My other sons are adults, but I think they still need mothering and thank goodness I am able to support these two good men in their endeavours and with their relationships. Not sure how old yours are, Liv, but totally endorse your prioritising them. Like LM, I tend not to mention my addict son to others as increasingly he is irrelevant. There is a deep well of sorrow in me, but I can live without falling into that. I remember years ago, t shirts with the slogan, "Choose Life. " I do. P
lesleerose
Posts: 1247
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Re: I’m still here

Post by lesleerose »

We are the innocents on here and like yourselves in the words of the song am all cried out ... I choose to love me now and keep myself mentally physically and spiritually well to the best of my ability .. I refuse to allow this toxic poison in my life anymore and I won’t let anyone live in my head rent free ... If anything it’s my little granddaughter she is 8 that I will focus on now ... I also believe I am over the worst of my addict there is nothing left for her to hurt me with been through every emotion in the book .... In reality she died many years ago when all the addictions started from aerosols age 13 to heroin and everything in between like all on here I had and did try everything to make her see the light so to speak ... So I go to sleep every night with peace for like the rest of us there is nothing more I can do ..
my gran used to say what the eye doesn’t see the heart doesn’t grieve over in my case that’s true I never want to see or speak to whoever or wherever she is now ...
I am 62 now and I intend living my latter or golden years to the full and I ain’t taking anybody’s shit with me ..
Lesleyrose
Last edited by lesleerose on Sun Mar 07, 2021 3:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: I’m still here

Post by LM66 »

Bang on, Lesleyrose! x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
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