Hitting a new low

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lesleerose
Posts: 1249
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Hitting a new low

Post by lesleerose »

I know today Mother’s Day isn’t the best day for us but I am feeling especially low this week at 62 not much to do ... I try not to dwell but I have now lost 2 families and I am alone not lonely but alone ..... trying not to feel sorry for myself as I know this is wrong but despairing and spending to much time in bed ...I just feel if I didn’t wake up no one would notice .... After nearly a year of recovery my daughter is straight back out there in the middle of addiction... Isn’t it very sad that i hope that she goes to prison so I know she will be safe .... And my other daughter just doesn’t want to know for over 10 years now .... This pandemic obviously has a lot to do with it all my soon to be ex husband who is also a recovering alcoholic became very ill again ( dry drunk ) someone who stops drinking but doesn’t change he became very manipulative and started to become violent physically and mentally I can’t live like that but at the moment am so very down ... But tomorrow is another day and when all of this lifts I will find a job in a charity shop
Thank goodness for the fellowship and listening
Lesleyrose
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Hitting a new low

Post by LM66 »

Hi Lesleyrose

I think we're allowed to reflect and have sad moments. We 're only human, with feelings and needs and dreams. So feel what you feel, then drag your butt up!
You have been through so much, and are starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Keep pushing forwards, even if you take a wee step back now and then.
Don't put the key to your happiness in someone elses pocket ( your daughters). You keep your hand tightly wrapped around that key, and put your foot right up their a*ses! ( in your mind)
You share your experience with others on here, and I'm sure in your other groups, and that is invaluable.
Would you be missed? Damn right you would be. By the people who matter, care for and respect you.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
dramaqueen
Posts: 385
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Hitting a new low

Post by dramaqueen »

Lesleyrose,

I hear you. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's relapse. I remember reading about her having a good spell and hoping that she would stay clean. So heart breaking for you that she has relapsed again. No surprise that you are finding it hard to get out of bed. Mother's Day doesn't help at all. A job in a charity shop post lockdown sounds nice - bring you some company and distraction.

Sending you a big virtual hug.

All the best

DQ
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Hitting a new low

Post by Poetry »

Lesleerose, sending you love. Yes. Mother's Day. I dread but we get through. You are an inspiration, Leslee, having come through so much, and so just accept how awful you feel. It will pass. We all know those days which get up and smack us in the face from time to time. Keep surviving. We have one another.P.
lesleerose
Posts: 1249
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Re: Hitting a new low

Post by lesleerose »

Thank you all and I absolutely mean that from my heart and soul I will keep that key safe and yes you are right I am only human I will be so glad when this divorce comes through I am not a victim any longer and I refuse to let anyone hit me ....
My 2 daughters have gone now it’s my little granddaughter....
Love her so much but because of health and my age I cannot bring her up alone hopefully my best option will be a foster mum she needs other children around and I can be her gran at the weekends that is my focus just for today
Was at an AA zoom meeting in Ireland it helped me with my sobriety and you lovely people keep me sane about my daughters heroin addiction I m no longer alone
I don’t know how I am going to explain to the wee one about her mum she honestly doesn’t know but she keeps asking for her and she can’t understand why her friends mums are there and hers isn’t it’s heartbreaking ... tomorrow is another day and am going out to hang around Mother Nature who knows I may hug a tree 🌲
Lesleyrose
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