Social services involved

[V2021]

I just had a distressing call from social services.

My husband decided to stop heroin, he did it cold turkey.
He had his last dose on Monday morning, and he went through really bad withdrawals the past few days. On Tuesday he was worried and I was worried so we called his nhs key worker and explained that he stopped but he was feeling really bad, worse than other times when he tried to stop. She advised us to call his GP or the hospital because “she is not a crisis helpline and that he already has an appointment to see a doctor next week and they can’t do anything for him to jump in the queue”; so we did (by this time he wasn’t eating or drinking and I was genuinely concerned). Eventually after speaking to 111 he went to a&e they did blood test and urine test and kept him overnight in the psychiatric ward. The withdrawals were so bad he just wanted to die... ( I think he must if talked more about it with the hospital staff) and even though he explained to the doctors and his key worker that there was no way he will inject heroin again in his life, they still tried to tell him to go back to it until somebody can prescribe him with substitutes.

He was in hospital Tuesday night and came back home on Wednesday afternoon. Today the withdrawal symptoms are fading and he is feeling much better, but I got a call from social services saying the hospital referred his case to them. She was asking me if my son is there when he is using, and more... she wasn’t threatening me but I instantly went on survival mode. Not only this puts in danger the custody of my son but also the custody of his half sister, I don’t know how much social services can do and we are still in an early stage but I am completely terrified. Has anybody dealt with social services because someone (parent/brother) is addicted in their household? What should I expect now? My husband really stopped and I think this will put him over the edge, guilt and the pressure not just from possibly losing his son but also his mum ( who depend on us to help her care for her 11 year old) might lose custody of her daughter. He feels now that when he actually asked for help because he couldn’t do it on his own, it is all backfiring on him and us. I know social services are only making sure the kids are safe, but I AM SO SCARED. And if he now tries to stay clean because of this and not for himself the risk of relapsing is even higher

Anybody thoughts on this?
Thank you.
V

[Poetry]

V, I've read this a couple of times, and thought hard about my response. In all honesty, my response is no different from the one I gave you the other day, when you posted for the first time. I think we would all wish to avoid being overly dramatic on here, but I will say that you sound and as if you are in a bad way emotionally, the result of so much harm, and, frankly, abuse.

I know that you don't want to hear this, perhaps are not ready to hear it, because you love your husband, and that is fine. We do sometimes love the people who are hurting us.

I do not mean to diminish your husband's attempt on Monday to go cold turkey. I can in part imagine how horrific the withdrawal symptoms were for him, but the medical team are definitely going to advise him to come off the drug slowly, as from what I know, withdrawing suddenly can be dangerous. In some ways it might have been a brave thing that your husband did, but perhaps not the best thing from the medical point of view, and the medics will be using their expertise. Your husband is in an emotional state, as you are, and when we feel like this, sometimes we think that the world is against us.

You say that social Services are now involved and that you feel terrified. I can understand that. However, when we feel like this, we immediately catastrophise. What I would emphasise to you very firmly is how the question was about whether your little boy was around when your husband was using. As you say, social services have the welfare of the child first and foremost.

You are worried about custody. I don't have the experience that some on here will have with regard to the social services, but common sense tells me that if you seek a place of safety, with your parents, as I think someone else has pointed out to you, you are permitted to do during a pandemic because of your situation, then custody of your little boy is much more within your control.

I'm sorry to say this, and I don't think that you will agree with me, but your husband will have to manage. The little boy is absolutely paramount. Take no risks with him whatsoever. As well as my addict son, I have two other grown up sons who are the light of my life, and thank God that I was lucky that there was no addiction in the family when I was bringing them up, but if there had been, I have to tell you, I would have fled with my children and kept them safe.

I can only be honest with you V.. Big hugs, and please don't think that I don't understand how truly awful it is for you.. P

[LM66]

Hi V

Social services (SS) have 1 thing in mind, the safety and well-being of children. You are not the person with the addiction, however, you are the person who is responsible for keeping your little boy safe. From this view point, SS, may suggest that you live seperately until your husband can provide solid, sustainable evidence of his sobriety, over a period of time. Or they may decide to monitor the situation closely, request random drug testing. Your husband has already sought an appointment  with his Dr, and thisnis positive. The outcome will depend on the results of any assessments they carry out.
Addicts can be very unpredictable in there behaviour, and it is very earlier days for your husband. Unfortuately, there are no guarantees with recovery. This is not a personal jibe at your husband, from SS. It's an automatic referral to SS by medical staff, police etc due to children veing in the home. If your husband is committed to wanting to change his life around, he has to do what it takes, and you need to step back, and let him do that. He can prove that he is willing to do whatever  it takes to get clean. Action, not words, will come out on top.
Yes you love your husband, and want to support him, but the children come before that and SS want to know if they are safe and cared for, or are they at risk.
I truly wish your husband the best on his journey, which will be long and hard.
Keep posting and reaching out for support as this will benefit you.

Much Love
L x

[Nikkic84]

Hello....I am a Children and Families Social Worker and i mostly work within Child Protection. Firstly let me assure you at this stage social services will absolutely not be looking to take your children from you, in fact social worker's do not have the power to do so only the court or the police have the power to remove the children.

When your husband visited A&E the system will have notified staff he has children and due to the nature of his visit this will automatically trigger a referral to children's services as they have a duty of care to the children and would need to ensure that the parental substance misuse is not A putting the children at risk and B they are not suffering any significant harm due to the substance misuse.
I am unsure of what the social worker has already discussed with you but there will likely be one of two outcomes:
1 social services will be happy with what you told them and close the case (this will be dependent on various factors such as your family history with social services/current use etc)
2 They may wish to gather more information to properly ascertain your family situation and see if they are able to offer yourselves and the children any further support. This will normally be done under the Child and Family Assessment - The social worker will visit speak to you and to the children, she will undertake some health checks with the GP and the children's schools/nurseries. This assessment would usually have a time frame of 20 days to be completed.
The social worker will decide on completion of the assessment if and what support your family need to ensure the children are minimally impacted by your current situation.

Social Work has moved on rather a lot over the years and the idea is to support families with their difficulties to result in better outcomes for the children so as their emotional/physical and mental well-being is not impacted by a result of the various difficulties families come to face.

If your husband is working to get clean, this will be viewed in a very good light, the social worker may wish to do some safety planning with the children and yourself in the form of a "what if....." plan ie: what your plan is if your partner returns to using and how you will manage this ensuring the children are not negatively impacted.

For social workers to feel it necessary for children to be removed there would need to be substantial evidence stating the children are experiencing or likely to experience significant harm, the goal of today's social worker is to do everything possible to ensure families remain together safely.

I hope that has helped to put you at ease, if you have any questions at all please do message me i am more than happy to answer them for you