Just when you thought you're ok

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Tired
Posts: 210
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 4:19 pm

Just when you thought you're ok

Post by Tired »

Afternoon all

Those who have read my posts since last September know I have been getting stronger and stronger since I ceased enabling my addict. I stopped ringing him, changed my number etc, but I am completely honest on here, broke my promise to myself and texted him the last 2 months for my money back..... I know why I'm obsessing about this money as I feel a fool for lending it over the years, and as months go by anger and determination have replaced other emotions. I was sent £30 on 6th, as I said I would to contact his family .

He's still owing me money, but I would like your take on this message he sent me.

"my mama she gone, no more"...... Would you have taken that as she had passed?

Well, I did, and offered my condolences, and followed it up asking how he was (stupidly) he replied saying he was OK and his mum waiting for an operation and in hospital.!!!!

So, he lied. when I asked for clarification is she dead, he said in hospital. I know what I read and kept his original message.

Why did I fall for this, as he probably wanted me to enable him again whilst off his face wanting money for more.


That message is sick if it meant me to believe she had passed away.

I'll move on for sure, but can't believe I relapsed for a bit. I know I have to forget about this money now and accept I'll never have the rest back.
lesleerose
Posts: 1249
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Re: Just when you thought you're ok

Post by lesleerose »

Dearest tired
This is a very cunning baffling powerful illness you are dealing with and unfortunately any relationship which is drug fuelled is always going to leave you with unanswered questions.... you moved on once but it has drawn you back because you at one point thought you loved him so much .... Do not blame yourself you know it wasn’t about the money you are probably like me grieving what could have been and then to suddenly realise it was all lies .....
You are one of the strong ones believe me many stay in this relationship pattern for a lifetime and they never wake up ...
Be strong and just say to yourself “ I won’t do that again “ and then let go with love also pray for him for 7 nights and he will leave your mind .....
Don’t crucify yourself for someone else’s stuff
Yours in fellowship
Lesleyrose
Ps keep posting it’s all in the sharing we need each other I can’t we can
lost77
Posts: 159
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2018 12:54 am

Re: Just when you thought you're ok

Post by lost77 »

Hi Tired,

I love what Lesley has said. Its defiantly cunning baffling and powerful. From my experience am afraid mine lies constantly and thats even to those who are still in the loop so to speak. God only knows what mine tells others . I have on occasion been caught out when someone removed from it has informed me of how he is struggling (almost as if we have done nothing to help). My guess at the time was that he had asked them for money claiming we never help him.

I have been caught out on many many occasions being pulled back in when money repayments never materialised/ promises of various descriptions never come to fruition . The only way I can manage it these is literally to expect nothing....... any money that has ever been repaid only opened the door for asking for it back at some point and the cycle continues.

Try not to beat yourself up and chalk it up to experience and look after yourself. Resentment only ruins my day and anger hasn't changed my addict. Nothing has changed my addict sadly.
Just my experiences of this. Others may have a different take.
Take care
Lost77
Tired
Posts: 210
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 4:19 pm

Re: Just when you thought you're ok

Post by Tired »

Thank you both for your wise advice.

Xxx
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Just when you thought you're ok

Post by Poetry »

Totally agree with the others. Let the money go. It's better to sacrifice that than to get drawn back into their sickness.

Feeling resentment is natural. It passes. Just let it sit there, and eventually it will go, but don't feed it or fuel it. The longer it is since we tried to rescue our addict, the more it is obvious how we had become entangled in something profoundly mad, and to my mind, Evil. To begin with, we are trapped because we think we are helping, and so we get in deeper and our lives begin to be unliveable. No more.

I ended up wanting my life back from the person who was stealing it, and I so I gave up enabling and my life came back. Once, in the thick of it, I said to my husband, "We are walking through Hell, but we do not belong here and we need to come out the other side. " We did; it hurts but that's inevitable. Our son has betrayed us utterly but if he or his addiction thinks it's going to ruin me he and his addiction have another think coming. Shoe off.

That message from your ex about his mum is abhorrent. Get clear. P.
muvver
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:39 pm
Location: Devon

Re: Just when you thought you're ok

Post by muvver »

Hi Tired

My situation with my daughter is gotten so bad. I really want to break ties with her, but i find that impossible.

I have spoken to her on the phone tonight and given her my side of her addiction. Did she take it all in? Doubt it.
I am so depressed and un-motivated that my life is ridiculous and sad.
Something has to happen. I even find myself hoping she will overdose and i can get on with my life. That’s awful of me to think
She gets paid one day and its gone the next. So me- muggings keeps her for the rest of the month.
I have made it clear tonight that i am stopping with the money. As she wont get better whilst I’m enabling her. Although, I don’t mean to be doing that.

I need to speak with my doctor and get help for me.

I do hope you life is happy again real soon

Keep safe
Muvver
Tired
Posts: 210
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 4:19 pm

Re: Just when you thought you're ok

Post by Tired »

Bless you all

You don't know how much it means, you all get it, and,
You are all correct in your advice . I feel different today already, so it shows I have come a long way since September.

Agree, what ex said is abhorrent, and the lowest of the low.

I had a 3 hour chat with my friend who I've not seen in over a year. She is living through it daily, as her son is addicted to alcohol, and, is truly horrible to my friend. Thank goodness she joined Al, anon since November.

My emotions will continue no doubt, but what he did confirms what he is prepared to say to manipulate me and anyone else who has been nothing but kind.

Xxxx
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