Helppppp
Helppppp
Hey... This is my first post I have only been reading these posts a little while but my partner whom is also the dad of my three children has been a cokeane addict for 6 or so years. My whole relationship has been just lie after lie and so much manipulation. Every time I leave him he threatens to kill himself and tell my family lots of horrible things about myself like that I'm a cheat ect.....I do love him so much so I forgive his words and our relationship gets better, he admitted that he had a problem started the meetings but is now still in the meetings and keeps slipping up and lieing to people in the meetings about being clean just like he does to me. I find it so hard to leave him as well as all he does is takes money and then threatens me if I don't let him back in the house. I can't leave my house either my name is on the tenancy and I will not take my children away from their school or friends.
Last edited by Jazie123 on Thu May 27, 2021 7:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Helppppp
Hi Jazie
Sorry to read of your troubles.
Addiction contaminates every aspect of life. It is my son who is the addict in my life, but the same destruction and hesrtache is crested.
I asked my son to leave the family home nearly 8 years ago. I would bever have him live here again.
I cant tell you what to do, but, I would urge you to put yourself and your kids first. Your partner can deal with himself, or not, as the case may be. You and your kids will not have a gappy life whilst a person in active addiction is in the household.
Be brave, be strong, and ask him to leave. To hell with the lies he may tell. Call the police if he threatens you - let him know there are consequences to this type of behaviour.
Sometimes, enough, just has to be, enough.
Wishing you the best
Much Love
L x
Sorry to read of your troubles.
Addiction contaminates every aspect of life. It is my son who is the addict in my life, but the same destruction and hesrtache is crested.
I asked my son to leave the family home nearly 8 years ago. I would bever have him live here again.
I cant tell you what to do, but, I would urge you to put yourself and your kids first. Your partner can deal with himself, or not, as the case may be. You and your kids will not have a gappy life whilst a person in active addiction is in the household.
Be brave, be strong, and ask him to leave. To hell with the lies he may tell. Call the police if he threatens you - let him know there are consequences to this type of behaviour.
Sometimes, enough, just has to be, enough.
Wishing you the best
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1277
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Helppppp
Hi jazzie
You have to free yourself from this nightmare he will NOT change he will get worse .... I am so glad the house is in your name ... Tell him to leave and not come back unless he is off of everything... There is hope if he is going to meetings but this isn’t about him it’s about you don’t enable him to remain sick your children will suffer too .. Please call women’s aid they really are fantastic they will and can help you
Keep posting we love you unconditionally on here because we all have issues with addiction within our family
Bless you
Lesleerose
You have to free yourself from this nightmare he will NOT change he will get worse .... I am so glad the house is in your name ... Tell him to leave and not come back unless he is off of everything... There is hope if he is going to meetings but this isn’t about him it’s about you don’t enable him to remain sick your children will suffer too .. Please call women’s aid they really are fantastic they will and can help you
Keep posting we love you unconditionally on here because we all have issues with addiction within our family
Bless you
Lesleerose
Re: Helppppp
Thank you!! I think I've just been in denial so long praying and hoping he would get better, but your right it's just got worse over the years!!I'm going to try my best to get him to leave next week but even that he'll use as An excuse to spend any money I give to him and turn back up with no where to go. I'm more hopeful this time as I don't think I'll believe his lies when the time comes that he does leave. Thank you so much for replying it's such a relief to be able to tell others Xxx
Last edited by Jazie123 on Thu May 27, 2021 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1277
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Helppppp
Hi again Jazie keep posting on here that’s the secret for you and the children to get peace and remember the answer NO is a full sentence lol keep smiling we’re all with you ... and remember it’s not your fault xx
Re: Helppppp
Jazie
How are things, sending you strength and hope you are OK.
How are things, sending you strength and hope you are OK.
Re: Helppppp
Hey things are fine, I am still finding it so hard to move on and actually Kick him out as my kids have such a great bond with him And I have noone else.. I don't know what's worse him saying if he goes he will never come back or dealing with a slip up every time he gets money...
Last edited by Jazie123 on Thu May 27, 2021 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1277
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Helppppp
Jazie how brave you are no matter what keep posting it’s only when you can’t do this anymore you will make him leave for good ... you are not weak but it’s the reverse there aren’t many who could up with this life and as for being depressed who wouldn’t be going through the horror of addiction...
A friend in recovery told me it’s like a game of snakes and ladders when there on the ladders it’s terrific but when the downward the snakes come then as they go on there are more snakes than ladders .... if you keep posting on here you will find the strength try and contact admin on here they are in exactly the same place as us there are no bosses and we’re anonymous first name only
You have taken the first step admitting your powerless over your addict and you are bravely asking for help keep going Jazie you and the children need to this is life or death
Bless you in fellowship
Lesleerose
A friend in recovery told me it’s like a game of snakes and ladders when there on the ladders it’s terrific but when the downward the snakes come then as they go on there are more snakes than ladders .... if you keep posting on here you will find the strength try and contact admin on here they are in exactly the same place as us there are no bosses and we’re anonymous first name only
You have taken the first step admitting your powerless over your addict and you are bravely asking for help keep going Jazie you and the children need to this is life or death
Bless you in fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: Helppppp
Hi Jazie
I replied earlier, during my lunch break , and the bloomin thing disappeared!
I know when you love someone, it's hard to take a tough stance. It hurts our heart. But, your partner is not in a place to think of the impact his behaviours are having on you and the children. He will drag you all down to the depths of despair. If he is using your address to apply for loans, he may tar your address also.
Think if this was someone else writing your post - what would you say to them?
You don't have to make a decision today, or tomorrow - you make it when you feel ready. Meanwhile, protect every penny you have! Give him nothing! You need that money for you and your kids. He would leave you penniless, and not think diddly squat about it. This is what addiction does. Its sad, its awful - but self preservation must kick in, or you go down!
Much Love
L x
I replied earlier, during my lunch break , and the bloomin thing disappeared!
I know when you love someone, it's hard to take a tough stance. It hurts our heart. But, your partner is not in a place to think of the impact his behaviours are having on you and the children. He will drag you all down to the depths of despair. If he is using your address to apply for loans, he may tar your address also.
Think if this was someone else writing your post - what would you say to them?
You don't have to make a decision today, or tomorrow - you make it when you feel ready. Meanwhile, protect every penny you have! Give him nothing! You need that money for you and your kids. He would leave you penniless, and not think diddly squat about it. This is what addiction does. Its sad, its awful - but self preservation must kick in, or you go down!
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Re: Helppppp
Hiya I managed to finally get him to leave a couple of days ago.. I feel so lost!! :/ I feel like I have the addiction to him!!He admitted he had the problem and was attending meetings BUT Only after he lost his job and all his money... And that seems to be a re occuring pattern.... He looses his job... Spends all his money.... Wants change.... Goes to meetings..... (But still does a sly bit here and there)...... Gets a good job.... Gets money....then looses it all again.. he goes for months and then he's back where he started.... He said to me that meetings was just to shut me up... So basically he was using the meetings to enable him to stay 
.....
The children miss him terribly and for once in our whole relationship he hasn't bothered to contact so much.
I love him so much but at the same time, being with him made me so depressed as well. I hope to god I start feeling normal again and that I've done the right thing and not made things worse... One of my children has major anxiety and for his dad to go for ages would just make it worse, the other is 13 years old and has only ever had dad around all the time... I want him to be in our life's but just to be able to take care of himself and money without me helping him and us having time apart could hopefully do this..
Jas
.....The children miss him terribly and for once in our whole relationship he hasn't bothered to contact so much.
I love him so much but at the same time, being with him made me so depressed as well. I hope to god I start feeling normal again and that I've done the right thing and not made things worse... One of my children has major anxiety and for his dad to go for ages would just make it worse, the other is 13 years old and has only ever had dad around all the time... I want him to be in our life's but just to be able to take care of himself and money without me helping him and us having time apart could hopefully do this..
Jas
Last edited by Jazie123 on Thu May 27, 2021 7:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1277
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Helppppp
Hi jas
You have done the right thing and you are very brave to do so .... He will hopefully get back to his meetings when there is no where left to go ....My daughter who is the addict has called me a couple of time ( I had to put her out when she was 16 that was very sore ) now over 20 years later and 7 rehabs she does sound ok but I know not to bring her into my world as she could change and probably will in a heartbeat and not look back at the destruction she has caused it nearly killed me ....
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and I promise your life will get better try and see if their are any zoom or live meetings in your area you have taken that first vital step by letting him go and you are right you are addicted to him ....
Don’t believe any more lies addicts are master manipulators ....
Keep posting on here and you will find peace with your higher power and your new friends you are meeting through famanon we are all doing the same as you
Bless you in fellowship
Lesleerose
You have done the right thing and you are very brave to do so .... He will hopefully get back to his meetings when there is no where left to go ....My daughter who is the addict has called me a couple of time ( I had to put her out when she was 16 that was very sore ) now over 20 years later and 7 rehabs she does sound ok but I know not to bring her into my world as she could change and probably will in a heartbeat and not look back at the destruction she has caused it nearly killed me ....
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and I promise your life will get better try and see if their are any zoom or live meetings in your area you have taken that first vital step by letting him go and you are right you are addicted to him ....
Don’t believe any more lies addicts are master manipulators ....
Keep posting on here and you will find peace with your higher power and your new friends you are meeting through famanon we are all doing the same as you
Bless you in fellowship
Lesleerose