£500 in 5 days!!!

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Cbushy
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 29, 2021 8:56 am

£500 in 5 days!!!

Post by Cbushy »

Hi all!
Things with my son are awful again :-/
In 5 days he spent £500 on drugs. I am disgusted in him & at myself for believing the lies he spun about going to rehab etc.
he has two younger siblings (10&13) and the awful things they hear and see appall me.

I have crohns & not well yet even when i was in hospital Friday he was asking me for money! Ive gone back to work full time now (as a nurse so its hard going) and all he says is “come on plssss mom ur working now”! Wth i stand on my feet for 12 hours a day loving up those about to die and here you are wasting your healthy body! God help me ifs making me hate him. I have never said that out loud but oh i feel it.

He has drained every ounce of love i had for him…. Its gone. I only speak/text/call/see him because “im meant too” i really dont want too!!

His court was postponed til May sadly as i was hoping he would do jail time.

Im appalled at myself for wishing jail on him but its either that or he will end up dead , he's buying cocaine and cooking up crack? Well i think thats what you do!

Thanks guys and sending love to you all xxx c xxx
Coriander
Posts: 26
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2021 7:21 pm

Re: £500 in 5 days!!!

Post by Coriander »

Hey Cbushy.
I’m so sorry to read what you are going through right now. It must be so stressful for you and your younger children. I don’t have the experience you have with a son being an addict but I feel for you going through this difficult time. I really feel like you have to start putting in firm boundaries with him and not accepting his behaviour or using you in the way he seems to be. You must look after yourself also. I suffer with ibs and as and I know how much the stress can affect my health so I know how that will be affecting you.
I can’t offer much advice however please please keep eyes on this group and the advice you get !!!! These people on this group have helped me so much I don’t post often but I read a lot and everyone genuinely cares.
I really hope you can get some advice.
Wishing you all the best.
God bless xxx
LM66
Posts: 1666
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: £500 in 5 days!!!

Post by LM66 »

Hi cbushy

Sorry to read that things are tough again. Unfortunately, it will likely continue along this path, until your son is ready to stop. He certainly doesn't seem to be near that mindset at the moment.
I experienced the same with my own son. No matter what I did, or said, it had no effect. The lies come easily, about anything and everything. Addicts are great manipulators, and yes, I too believed what my son told me in earlier times. He told me what I desperately wanted to hear.
I have felt exactly the same as you do, towards my son, and to be honest, I still have those feelings, as he continues to use. I don't meet with him, and haven't seen him for over a year. I no longer want to see him out of it, and more importantly, I don't know who he is associating with, or who could come to his flat when Im there. I txt and chat on the phone, when he is appropriate and civil. If he isn't, I hang up and block him. I've explained to him my reasons for my choices. I will not, have a front row seat any longer. It was not an easy decision to make, but a very necessary one, for my own health and sanity. Like you, I have a chronic condition, which was trigged by the stress of it all.
We truly do have to make ourselves a priority, and take care of ourselves, as addiction will take down, not just the user, but us too.
The relentless txts or calls for money I dealt with by blocking him. Any threats, whether by phone/txt, I logged it with the police. If he happened to turn up at my home, I called the police. Never in my wildest dreams, did I imagine having to do any of that, with my own son, but, when they are in the depth of addiction, you cannot rationalise with them.
You also have 2 younger children to consider. They need protected too.
I relate to ALL of what you have said cbushy, and it's heartbreaking, I know.
My son has been in prison 4 times, the last time I didn't visit, due to covid restrictions. Each time, he has involved himself in shady behaviours in there, so even being incarcerated did nothing to change his mindset.
I am actually sick to the back teeth of his lifestyle choice, "the drug talk", gangster attiude - and I will not engage with it. I accept he has a right to choose whatever path he wants, but, I have that choice too!
Much Love
L x
" The heaviest burdens we carry, are the thoughts in our head"
Poetry
Posts: 822
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: £500 in 5 days!!!

Post by Poetry »

So sorry to hear about what is going on at the minute, and about how bad you feel and how hard you have to work. I know what it's like because I too worked with a health problem which made some days really difficult to get through. Like you, I was in a caring profession and so my students had to come first.

This is bad enough, without, in your case, being abused by your son. The others who have replied have give you advice which is spot on. You know that you can't keep managing this way, so you have to now put those boundaries in place, and protect yourself and your two other children.

I have wished far worse on my son then you have on yours. Sometimes my anger has known no bounds. I can cope with what he's done to me, but some days I can't cope with what he's done to his father, two brothers, his sister-in-law, nieces and his friends, not to mention two ex wives whom he behaved abusively towards. Is it any wonder we have these thoughts. Please do forgive yourself. Although you don't need forgiving. P.
Cbushy
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 29, 2021 8:56 am

Re: £500 in 5 days!!!

Post by Cbushy »

Thank you all so much!

Finished 3 gruelling days at work and had an onslaught of texts begging for money as pee usual. I have blocked him for tonight.

Luckily or maybe not he is always sweetness and light & isnt abusive etc but i know thats to come!
I could shake him.

To know I'm not alone makes me sad but relieved also, as no one really understands until they face this.

He is currently homeless and being housed in a hotel full of other drugs users which isn't helping matters , i barely see him now as i wont take the kids there ans wont have him at our home as he has stolen from me before.

I have told sister today at work what i am facing so work can support me too, she was very understanding and i decided i had nothing to be ashamed of as this is not my fault!!

Sending much love to you all xx
LM66
Posts: 1666
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: £500 in 5 days!!!

Post by LM66 »

Hi Cbushy

A good idea to let your work know what's going on. I did that too! When the police attended my home FREQUENTLY, I had this thought in my head, that " what if they burst the door in, thinking there is a stash of drugs in the house". I had visions of being arrested and bunged in a cell, so I thought it best to inform my manager. They were very supportive, not that there was much they could do, but it was helpful for them to know if I had days when I wasn't firing on all cylinders.
If people don't know, they can't help.

Much Love
L xx
" The heaviest burdens we carry, are the thoughts in our head"
lesleerose
Posts: 458
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Re: £500 in 5 days!!!

Post by lesleerose »

Dearest CBushy
I here you I wished far more on my heroin any drugs probably now no contact for well over a year her behaviour absolutely appalled
Me was disgusting her mouth came out with language I couldn’t repeat everything was lies but as a mother I believed her at first then discovered all she did was lie
I have like many parents on here spent thousands of pounds in rehabs treatment centres approximately 8 now some I paid for some the council paid for
It’s horrendous in every level ....
I seriously believe the only reason she hasn’t been in touch is because she knows she will not get one penny more from me ...
I hope she is in prison as far as I am aware she hasn’t been there yet ...
And to be honest at least I would know she would be safe though a days work would probably kill her ...
Please keep posting we are all the same on here famanon has saved my sanity as you rightly said it’s not your fault
Yours in fellowship
Lesleyrose
muvver
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:39 pm
Location: Devon

Re: £500 in 5 days!!!

Post by muvver »

Hi
I can relate to your post. My daughter spends every penny she gets on drugs. Meaning she cant buy food or even sanitary products. She seems to think its my job- even though she is 28, to buy her necessities.
I too am tired and warn out. Ive recently rang the local NHS mental health team. She needs more than i can give her

She really could do with someone who isn’t as close to her. I’m praying they can send around a council support worker and take the stress from me. I hope you get some rest bite and stay strong


Muvver
lesleerose
Posts: 458
Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm

Re: £500 in 5 days!!!

Post by lesleerose »

Hi muvver lovely to here from you yes at 28 she should be able to manage but as long as you enable her she will just keep taking my addict daughter was the same told me she couldn’t look after herself which was true she borrowed stole begged prostituted herself anything to get money for drugs previously I got her shopping paid her bills allowed her to borrow money from me which I new I would never get back so fast forward I have let go haven’t spoken or heard from her in over a year she is now 38 she is surviving don’t know how but she is
Missed you muvver
Keep posting we’re all the same on here
Yours in fellowship
Lesleerose
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