No one should have you to be terrified of violent outbursts
DQ poetry and LM are right call 999 and have him arrested
Lesleyrose
Guidance needed
-
2splendourangel
- Posts: 155
- Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2021 11:45 am
Re: Guidance needed
Hi AJ,
Sorry to hear that you are going through domestic aggressive behaviour in your home. The addict can become very hostile when in need of more drugs or when they are experiencing the come down of what they have used it is all a vicious circle and frightening and scary for those who are around them.
I see you say that you are both students, perhaps you are at college or university. Have you tried to find any resources of anyone that assists or does counselling for students? most colleges or uni's have these type of people who are there to help with the welfare of students so please ask about that. You have got the chance to study and make something of your life do not let your brother ruin it for you and drag you down with him.
If at any time you feel threatened and in immediate danger you must think of yourself and safety first and dial 999
immediately it is possible when your brother is high on drugs he is not in control over what he does so quite a dangerous situation.
Sorry to hear that you are going through domestic aggressive behaviour in your home. The addict can become very hostile when in need of more drugs or when they are experiencing the come down of what they have used it is all a vicious circle and frightening and scary for those who are around them.
I see you say that you are both students, perhaps you are at college or university. Have you tried to find any resources of anyone that assists or does counselling for students? most colleges or uni's have these type of people who are there to help with the welfare of students so please ask about that. You have got the chance to study and make something of your life do not let your brother ruin it for you and drag you down with him.
If at any time you feel threatened and in immediate danger you must think of yourself and safety first and dial 999
immediately it is possible when your brother is high on drugs he is not in control over what he does so quite a dangerous situation.
Re: Guidance needed
Thank you for the messages. It means a lot.
I am not sure if naming rehab names are allowed here.
1) I am looking for some affordable rehabs preferably in or around london. I would want the cheapest option. My brother is not keen on getting into rehab, but I have asked my family back home to arrange for the funds so I can get him the help that he needs. Are there any suggestions or should I google it.
2) I have become paranoid myself over fear that he might die, and then I will blame myself that I didn't do anything for him. Constantly checking on him is taking a huge toll on my mental health as there is nothing I can do. Today he looked intoxicated. Literally it took him effort to go from his room to the restroom. I am getting increasingly worried, and now nearing breaking point mentally.
I know you guys mean well and give suggestions, and you can only do so much. Main purpose of typing my feelings out here is to get an emotional release.
Thank you
I am not sure if naming rehab names are allowed here.
1) I am looking for some affordable rehabs preferably in or around london. I would want the cheapest option. My brother is not keen on getting into rehab, but I have asked my family back home to arrange for the funds so I can get him the help that he needs. Are there any suggestions or should I google it.
2) I have become paranoid myself over fear that he might die, and then I will blame myself that I didn't do anything for him. Constantly checking on him is taking a huge toll on my mental health as there is nothing I can do. Today he looked intoxicated. Literally it took him effort to go from his room to the restroom. I am getting increasingly worried, and now nearing breaking point mentally.
I know you guys mean well and give suggestions, and you can only do so much. Main purpose of typing my feelings out here is to get an emotional release.
Thank you
-
lesleerose
- Posts: 1277
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Guidance needed
Dear AJ
You have to look after yourself we have all been where you are now don’t enable your brother it doesn’t work no matter what rehab he went to there are no locks on the door your brother has to want to get well and he doesn’t seem ready yet
Unfortunately you will have to call the police if he becomes violent or aggressive this may shock your brother into doing something
You can’t save him this is not your fault
If you could get to some live meetings the help is there for you
You are no longer alone
Please take care of yourself u have to come first
It’s like if your on an aeroplane they always tell you to put your own life jacket first
Bless you in fellowship
Lesleerose
You have to look after yourself we have all been where you are now don’t enable your brother it doesn’t work no matter what rehab he went to there are no locks on the door your brother has to want to get well and he doesn’t seem ready yet
Unfortunately you will have to call the police if he becomes violent or aggressive this may shock your brother into doing something
You can’t save him this is not your fault
If you could get to some live meetings the help is there for you
You are no longer alone
Please take care of yourself u have to come first
It’s like if your on an aeroplane they always tell you to put your own life jacket first
Bless you in fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: Guidance needed
I agree wholeheartedly with Leslee. Sending love and support to you. P.
Re: Guidance needed
Hi AJ ,
I feel you pain and understand those feelings of responsibility, I too used to feel like that. However I decided I could not be responsible for what my addict was chosing to do . I used to sit outside his flat , took funds off him etc etc and he still managed to carry on . It made me mentally very poorly.
I agree wit the previous posts about calling 999 in the face of any aggression . First and foremost we must look after ourselves and get support for us as dealing with an addict can be mentally , emotionally , physically and financially draining. I felt caught in a whirlwind of fear that was skewing alot of my decision making process and making me feel responsible for things I now do not believe I am.
In terms of your brother and the rehab I wonder if thinking about the some of these questions might be of value (fine if not
)
1. How would you get your brother to engage with the re hab ?
2. Are you willing to take the financial loss if he walks out?
Perhaps you could see if he will go to a NA or similar meeting (lots in London) , its only an hour or so out of his day and free. If he is interested in recovery then this could be a good place to start whilst waiting to sort out the rehab options .
I ended up writing a list of helplines , anonymous program numbers , rehab numbers , local council drug services help, samaritans etc and I gave it to him (it made me feel a little better) but it was up to him to use them.
Take care
Lost x
I feel you pain and understand those feelings of responsibility, I too used to feel like that. However I decided I could not be responsible for what my addict was chosing to do . I used to sit outside his flat , took funds off him etc etc and he still managed to carry on . It made me mentally very poorly.
I agree wit the previous posts about calling 999 in the face of any aggression . First and foremost we must look after ourselves and get support for us as dealing with an addict can be mentally , emotionally , physically and financially draining. I felt caught in a whirlwind of fear that was skewing alot of my decision making process and making me feel responsible for things I now do not believe I am.
In terms of your brother and the rehab I wonder if thinking about the some of these questions might be of value (fine if not
) 1. How would you get your brother to engage with the re hab ?
2. Are you willing to take the financial loss if he walks out?
Perhaps you could see if he will go to a NA or similar meeting (lots in London) , its only an hour or so out of his day and free. If he is interested in recovery then this could be a good place to start whilst waiting to sort out the rehab options .
I ended up writing a list of helplines , anonymous program numbers , rehab numbers , local council drug services help, samaritans etc and I gave it to him (it made me feel a little better) but it was up to him to use them.
Take care
Lost x
Re: Guidance needed
I'll echo what others have said - there is little point in getting him into rehab if he doesn't want to be there himself. Even if he does want help, that step may seem too daunting.
I imagine the most realistic and accessible step for you both would be to 1, visit your local GP and ask for a referral to local drug and alcohol services and 2, look for your nearest Narcotics Anonymous and FamAnon meetings.
Local GPs, as all of the NHS, are over stretched and care can unfortunately differ massively depending on which doctor you get to see. Waiting lists are long. But, this will still be the best option and will prove an effort of trying to get help which would help with an NHS rehab referral down the line if it came to it.
NA and FA meetings are free to attend and open to all. Your brother doesn't have to be clean from drugs to attend, and from speaking to recovered addicts, these meetings were a huge help and felt empowering to their wellness. It's also incredibly important that you look after yourself - seeking support and help actively. I know you feel responsible for your brother - but he must make his own choices.
If you're worried about the living situation, do contact the police, or maybe look at reaching out to the charity Shelter. Samaritans on 116123 also offer free, anonymous emotional support, space to talk without judgement, and can signpost to other organisations who can help your specific situation if you want.
Take care x.
I imagine the most realistic and accessible step for you both would be to 1, visit your local GP and ask for a referral to local drug and alcohol services and 2, look for your nearest Narcotics Anonymous and FamAnon meetings.
Local GPs, as all of the NHS, are over stretched and care can unfortunately differ massively depending on which doctor you get to see. Waiting lists are long. But, this will still be the best option and will prove an effort of trying to get help which would help with an NHS rehab referral down the line if it came to it.
NA and FA meetings are free to attend and open to all. Your brother doesn't have to be clean from drugs to attend, and from speaking to recovered addicts, these meetings were a huge help and felt empowering to their wellness. It's also incredibly important that you look after yourself - seeking support and help actively. I know you feel responsible for your brother - but he must make his own choices.
If you're worried about the living situation, do contact the police, or maybe look at reaching out to the charity Shelter. Samaritans on 116123 also offer free, anonymous emotional support, space to talk without judgement, and can signpost to other organisations who can help your specific situation if you want.
Take care x.
Re: Guidance needed
Thank you so much everyone for your guidance and support. You make my situation palatable.
I am coping ODAAT, but definitely I will keep these suggestions in mind. I wonder why the NHS is in shambles. It used to be the best in the world. Covid notwithstanding.I am now thinking what will happen when my brother's visa runs out. Will the home office deport him if he does not leave voluntarily since he doesn't want to leave. Also, one thing I have noticed is the addict lies a lot. My brother sure does all the time.
In my frequent trips to the hospital, I have seen people literally lying on the floor waiting to be seen. GP surgeries, hospitals every other health care institution is overstretched.
I hope the situation gets better. Once again thank you all for your messages of support. Literally, you all have become my strength that keeps me from draining mentally and emotionally.
AJ
I am coping ODAAT, but definitely I will keep these suggestions in mind. I wonder why the NHS is in shambles. It used to be the best in the world. Covid notwithstanding.I am now thinking what will happen when my brother's visa runs out. Will the home office deport him if he does not leave voluntarily since he doesn't want to leave. Also, one thing I have noticed is the addict lies a lot. My brother sure does all the time.
In my frequent trips to the hospital, I have seen people literally lying on the floor waiting to be seen. GP surgeries, hospitals every other health care institution is overstretched.
I hope the situation gets better. Once again thank you all for your messages of support. Literally, you all have become my strength that keeps me from draining mentally and emotionally.
AJ
Re: Guidance needed
We're all with you, AJ. Keep posting. P.