Struggling to cope

[2022SOA]

Hi Everyone,

In My previous post a couple of weeks ago I talked about my battle with my now ex partner as of the end of January and our battle with his cocaine addiction. Over the past couple of weeks he has resorted to begging and threats and pleading for me to take him back. His cocaine addiction has spiralled and he is worse confirmed by his dad who he now lives with. We have two children together. I am feeling extremely overwhelmed at the moment the constant begging messages pleading for another chance and promising he will change and treat me how I deserve. My anxiety has massively escalated and although I am speaking to a counsellor am struggling to level everything up in my head. I work 12 hour days and nights and trying to juggle our children. I blocked him for a number of days due to threatening messages but had to unblock him as it wasn’t fair to communicate through our eldest with regards to childcare. I am not able to communicate through anyone else due to I’ll health of my mum. I am struggling to manage with the begging and promises of change and him saying he doesn’t want to be here anymore. I recognise that this is all manipulation and abuse and I have been strong up until now but I am beginning to feel extremely defeated and deflated.

Looking for any words of wisdom and hope

Much love to everyone x

[lesleerose]

Hi soa
Welcome back big hugs
This is typical of the addict who tries to manipulate in every way and I commend you for getting him out of you and your children’s life
You have come through the hardest part now you need to let go
Block him on your phone set boundaries if the children want to speak to him that is only possible if he is not on any drugs or alcohol
You deserve peace it’s been such a long haul for you
I don’t know if there are any live meetings beside you but that would be good famanon is tailor made for you because your important and on here loved as we are all much the same
I would encourage you to go on the 12 step recovery program it is miraculous your situation may not change but you will change it will set you free to live your life without the addict
Just something I heard and no to be true it’s not cocaine the addicts are taking it’s a legal high called joke which gets them high dangerous as no one knows what’s in it
Please keep posting and block him it gets easier
Yours in fellowship
Lesleerose

[Poetry]

Hello again SOA.

You've done really well haven't you. Don't forget everything that you've achieved with regard to keeping yourself and the children's safe, looking after your mum, trying to hold down your job, and keeping this man at bay.

The only thing which has changed is that he has upped his demands, and is beginning to get to you, so you have to shut all that down.

As you say, you recognise it all for the manipulation which it is. At the same time, you are clearly tired and having a crisis of confidence, so as Lesleerose says, you should stay on this forum.

I'm not sure of course, what your arrangements are with regards to his having access to the children, and you speak about him communicating with the older of your two children, but I'd have no hesitation in making sure that, if he is using heavily, as his father confirms, he doesn't see the children, or at least not alone.

You've come this far, and made the most amazing changes to what was heading towards being a life of he'll. Carry on. Be consistent. Don't waver. Many best wishes. P.

[LM66]

If he wants his family, let him show you! A saying " don't accept promises in place of a working programme". He makes the changes before he is back in the family unit - IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT! If he returns now, you will get more of the same.
Stay strong, keep your boundaries in place. You are doing great! Kick his ass into touch and don't fall for the manipulation.
Much Love
L x

[2022SOA]

Thank you all for your responses, I felt in the time in absolute crisis mode. I have had a counselling session this afternoon and came on here to read your lovely responses as a push to stay strong. It’s so easy to forget that you are an independent person and that we aren’t at fault for their problems but at the same time almost feel guilty when we say no and stand our ground. That is definitely where my weakness is, maybe I’m too much of a nice person ? But who knows. I discussed setting boundaries today with the counsellor and he is only allowed to have the children overnight as he is at his parents house and his parents are present. I think now it comes down to not a knowledge he the begging messages and not entertaining them. Thank you all for your support it definitely helps having others in similar situations to talk to and to reassure you that your doing the right thing xx much love SOA xx

[Silver]

Hi SOA,

I am new to the forum, I posted "Time to walk away", my heart goes out to you, and you are doing so well by taking back control and having clear boundaries in place to protect you and your children.

The manipulation of an addict knows no boundaries, I found this out the hard way and had to accept that I couldn't believe or trust anything my son said anymore. You have hope that things will be different and the realisation when they are not is crushing.

But, you are stronger than you realise and its the fact that he has lost control of you which will be his driving force to get it back - don't let him.

You are an amazing lovely person who is worth so much more, just as we all are, one day at a time and every day is a celebration that you are in control not him.

Much love S xx