I am lost

[Julie Jones]

My husbands as been in recovery for 6 months and all has been going well before Christmas he had a lot of stress with his mum going into a care home and also other stresses but I was very supportive towards him and tried to take the stresses away from him then 2half weeks ago he started to be offish with me saying certain remarks to me so I pulled him up on his behaviour and he said that he was feeling lost and didn’t care about anything. He said that he would go back to our family home while I stayed at his mums home to get his head straight. We was due to go to Venice that week but he didn’t come and I went with our children. When I returned from Venice I went back to our family home to get more clothes he didn’t know I was turning up I walked in on him crying and watching horse racing ( his a addict to gambling drinking and drugs) I asked if had been gambling and he said no I was watching it to make me feel better I then asked him what was wrong and he said I want to do this journey on my own my heart was broken and I was still upset with him that he didn’t come to Venice I told him so home truths and asked him to leave me alone and not contact me. He kept ringing me I answered the phone we talked I said that you have been neglecting your recovery and not attending meetings I also said I can only help you if you stopped pushing me away. We didn’t speak for a day and half then he called my sons phone to talk to me I got upset and asked him to leave me alone. Later that night he texted me basically ending our marriage but he had no reason why he was doing it. After that I asked him to only to contact me about our children and not to make small talk. I sure him at the weekend and he was flirty with me then on Sunday evening he called me and said he had relapsed and gambled thousands of pounds away I said to him again you know what you need to do and go back to meetings and find a sponsor.He is going to a meeting this evening and said he is going to look for a sponsor. I am heartbroken I have done nothing but support him through his recovery for him to be this cold and shut me off. Thank you reading my rant. Xx

[LM66]

Hi Julie
Seems like your husband has been caught up in his addictions behind your back.
I've no doubt it would have been stressful and upsetting, his Mum having to go into a care home, however, that does not excuse his behaviour.
If he has been using drugs too, the come downs can be horrendous, low mood, suicidal ideation, anhedonia - he feels nothing, not joy, not sadness, just an emptiness.
Clearly he can't do this on his own, and you have done all you can. You're right to suggest he gets back to meetings. Addiction makes people selfish, and often cold and uncaring. It's like a kick in the teeth!
Protect yourself and your kids. Your husband knows what he has to do to get back on track. If I can be so bold as to suggest that he lives in his mothers house, and you and the kids live in your own home, where you have all your comforts around you.
Stick around the forum Julie.
Much Love
L x

[Julie Jones]

Thank you for your reply. Yes the come down from drugs is horrendous for them and also us being on the receiving end of it. I really thought I was going to get my happy marriage but I really was being so naive my children deserve the best and will continue to protect them . He is attending a meeting tonight and he also bumped into his. Therapist today aswell which was a good sign.

Take care xx

[Poetry]

Welcome to the forum, Julie. Do keep posting and also read posts on here, as you will find that your story is a very familiar one.

LM has said everything which I would have said to you. It sounds as if things have got very serious for your husband, and, to be honest with you, there's nothing else you can do. As you so wisely say, you need to protect the children, and on here, we would all say that you need to protect yourself.

You should not have had to leave the family home.

Plenty of us have been responsible for finding care homes for our elderly parents, and then making sure that they were provided for and well-cared for. It is all part of life's rich pattern, and no excuse whatsoever for someone taking drugs, drinking and gambling. Addicts are always looking for excuses.

In your circumstances, you need to think about finances, too, as massive amounts of money can disappear when someone has a gambling addiction.

If you stay on here, with us, we will support you every step of the way. We were all supported when we first came onto the forum, and we still support one another, whatever stage we are at dealing with a loved one's addiction. P.

[lesleerose]

Hi Julie and a big welcome to the famanon forum which is a life saver …They say the addict slips in their mind before the actual slip itself lets be really honest when an addict slips it’s not a slip it’s a disaster because anything could happen …
Though it’s not unusual… your husband has a few addictions he has to pick the one that is most fatal to him am assuming C/A or NA you have supported him beyond what any other wife/parent would do … you are right not to speak to him very wise lady ..
This forum is for you these people have saved my sanity and my life ..your husband is back to basics 90 meetings in 90 days and you don’t want to speak to him until he does that .. as the others say he knows what he has to do … protect yourself and your children
Bless you in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose

[Julie Jones]

Thank you everyone I am just going to first meeting this evening for families who are in the same boat thank you so much for you support already.

Xxx

[lesleerose]

Well done julie right into the middle of the bed … best way to do it …. Please keep us posted … your husband is a very lucky man
Hopefully you can make that trip to Venice as a family next time
Please keep posting
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose

[Julie Jones]

Thank you your support means so much

[Sajb]

Sorry to hear this.It really sounds like you have been through it. I am in a similar position. I have just left our family home with my 3 daughters as I couldn’t expose them to anymore chaos.
Trying to focus on myself and the children. I don’t see how I’ll ever trust him again.
Sending you strength, you’re not alone.

[dramaqueen]

Hi Julie and Sajb

Welcome to the forum.

You both sound like strong women who have said “enough is enough” and have voted with your feet.

Great also to hear how your focus is on protecting your children from the chaos of the addict. Julie, I particularly like how you are signposting your husband to recovery meetings, placing responsibility where it lies, namely with him.

I hope in all this there is also a little time for self care because you deserve a break too.

DQ