Hi
I am new to this forum. My son is addicted to ketamine. He has been using this horrible substance for 6 years. He now sits in his room using it and cries when I find it and flush it down the loo. He will chase me and grab me trying to get it off me. He went to rehab for a month and came home and started taking it same evening. He gets out of his bedroom window and jumps over fence so that we don’t see him go out the front door. He is in and out of work (mostly out). He is in a lot of debt with credit cards and payday loans and not made payments on his car. Every day another debt letter will arrive. He promises me that he has had enough and is going to stop and that he will get help. I’ve said that I will go to NA meetings with him or take him and sit outside in car and wait for him. I’ve tried to get him to talk to a therapist. He says no I can do it myself but then just does more ketamine. I had euros for my grandchildren’s holiday and he even stole them for drugs. His older siblings all have good life and jobs and never had drug problems and neither do myself or husband. We all try to help him and I lay awake most nights thinking what can I do. I wish he had an illness that was treatable by a doctor and we could think once he has had surgery he will be fine but there isn’t anything we or anyone can do for him. There seems like no hope and I dread going to his bedroom to see if he is still alive every morning because sometimes in the middle of the night I will wake up thinking he’s dead and have to go to his bedroom to check he is breathing. When he is on ketamine he can’t walk and slurs his speech and he can’t open his eyes fully. Then he goes into such a deep sleep I have to sit in his room to check his chest is going up and down. This is causing all kinds of arguments within the family as my older children can see how ill he is making me and his dad. However I can see how downhill he is going. When we have said enough is enough you will have to move out he says he will kill him self because he has nowhere to go. Is there any recovering ketamine addicts or parents that can give me any hope?
Ketamine Addiction
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Dear Dennis,
My heart goes out to you .. I completely understand and empathise with your pain. My son also went to rehab and stayed off crack for a for a brief period. He has now relapsed. In terms of hope, I suppose all I can really say, is that there always is , until there is not, but until your son chooses life over self destruction there is little you can do. It has to come from him, no matter how much love and support you give. I have been battling with this for many years, thousands of pounds and many tears later, I now have to accept this bitter truth. Of course only you can make the decision as to when enough is enough in terms of your support and I absolutely understand the fear you are experiencing in terms of his life, so only you can decide this..I also live with this fear but still there nothing I can do to make my son want to recover and heal.
Addiction is a cruel illness that wrecks not only the addicts life but those of their ones. My son has now chosen to leave the safety net and support of his family and I do not know where he is. My heart is broken and I fear the worst too. All I can do now is
focus on my grandson and my own mental health as this is something I do have some control over. As painful as it is.
Love and best wishes ANAID xxx
My heart goes out to you .. I completely understand and empathise with your pain. My son also went to rehab and stayed off crack for a for a brief period. He has now relapsed. In terms of hope, I suppose all I can really say, is that there always is , until there is not, but until your son chooses life over self destruction there is little you can do. It has to come from him, no matter how much love and support you give. I have been battling with this for many years, thousands of pounds and many tears later, I now have to accept this bitter truth. Of course only you can make the decision as to when enough is enough in terms of your support and I absolutely understand the fear you are experiencing in terms of his life, so only you can decide this..I also live with this fear but still there nothing I can do to make my son want to recover and heal.
Addiction is a cruel illness that wrecks not only the addicts life but those of their ones. My son has now chosen to leave the safety net and support of his family and I do not know where he is. My heart is broken and I fear the worst too. All I can do now is
focus on my grandson and my own mental health as this is something I do have some control over. As painful as it is.
Love and best wishes ANAID xxx
Re: Ketamine Addiction
I don't believe that addiction is an illness. I believe that it is a choice which eventually makes people ill, and of course, I totally empathise with how very difficult it is, once addicted, to come through, but speaking about choice, they HAVE a choice to COME THROUGH that illness, which, frankly, some people with devastating, life threatening illnesses, do not. Many people die, having become ill, opted for treatment, and found that it has not been successful.
If addicts choose recovery, then they have plenty of support. There are AA and NA meetings, which are marvellous, there is family support, sometimes support in big cities in community hubs, and help which the GP can offer with drugs which will stabilise withdrawal.
Many people with illnesses which resist treatment would be envious of that.
What is very true is that the choices which addicts make to continue their habits make the rest of the family ill. I have certainly been made ill on occasion by my son's dedication to the choices he has made despite his being offered every support possible, as I have just described on another post.
I can't live like that, Dennis, and neither can you live like that much longer. I once had to go into my son's flat, having had to traipse halfway across London to get a spare key from someone (long story), and fully expected to find him dead, as he was meant to be meeting us, and had not replied to any text messages. I told my husband to stay in the front room, and went through to the bedroom, deciding that, as his mother, it was I who should find him dead. He wasn't dead, just in a semi stupor after whatever it was he had taken the night before. I did that once. Once was enough.
In your case, I would tell your son he has to go. Yes, there are emotional and practical consequences to that, but you can no longer live like this. Please rescue yourself, your marriage and your family. P.
If addicts choose recovery, then they have plenty of support. There are AA and NA meetings, which are marvellous, there is family support, sometimes support in big cities in community hubs, and help which the GP can offer with drugs which will stabilise withdrawal.
Many people with illnesses which resist treatment would be envious of that.
What is very true is that the choices which addicts make to continue their habits make the rest of the family ill. I have certainly been made ill on occasion by my son's dedication to the choices he has made despite his being offered every support possible, as I have just described on another post.
I can't live like that, Dennis, and neither can you live like that much longer. I once had to go into my son's flat, having had to traipse halfway across London to get a spare key from someone (long story), and fully expected to find him dead, as he was meant to be meeting us, and had not replied to any text messages. I told my husband to stay in the front room, and went through to the bedroom, deciding that, as his mother, it was I who should find him dead. He wasn't dead, just in a semi stupor after whatever it was he had taken the night before. I did that once. Once was enough.
In your case, I would tell your son he has to go. Yes, there are emotional and practical consequences to that, but you can no longer live like this. Please rescue yourself, your marriage and your family. P.
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Hi Dennis
My son is a ket addict and has been for many years now. It’s not a drug you hear of as much as maybe coke and heroin but as someone said, the drug doesn’t necessarily matter, it’s the addiction that is the root. My son will sometimes also use coke or MDMA and often drinks, that is when he has little
Money as drink is cheaper. He mixes drink and ket which can be dangerous and I don’t know how many times he has been to A and E - some I know about and many I don’t. I wish I could tell you a happy ending but he is currently not doing well. Over the years he has been in rehab three times, twice I paid for it and the third was nhs. I wouldn’t pay again - they have to want it and work for it and even then my son didn’t stay.
I’ve had to try and learn how to cope and this forum has helped me loads plus I’ve started some online meetings which also help. It’s a journey and I’m learning every day. Sending you love and hope - there’s always hope.
My son is a ket addict and has been for many years now. It’s not a drug you hear of as much as maybe coke and heroin but as someone said, the drug doesn’t necessarily matter, it’s the addiction that is the root. My son will sometimes also use coke or MDMA and often drinks, that is when he has little
Money as drink is cheaper. He mixes drink and ket which can be dangerous and I don’t know how many times he has been to A and E - some I know about and many I don’t. I wish I could tell you a happy ending but he is currently not doing well. Over the years he has been in rehab three times, twice I paid for it and the third was nhs. I wouldn’t pay again - they have to want it and work for it and even then my son didn’t stay.
I’ve had to try and learn how to cope and this forum has helped me loads plus I’ve started some online meetings which also help. It’s a journey and I’m learning every day. Sending you love and hope - there’s always hope.
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Having a front row ticket to your sons behaviours certainly wont be helping your stress levels. It's impossible to live with someone in active addiction, and will make you poorly,. Relationships with others will be affected too.
Our addict sons are very manipative and they know how to spark fear into us when they threaten to kill themself. Truth is, it could happen with him under your roof. Each tine he uses, he's playing russian roulette. No guarantees!
What is guaranteed is that he will become worse, and life will become unbearable for you and others.
Much Love
L x
Our addict sons are very manipative and they know how to spark fear into us when they threaten to kill themself. Truth is, it could happen with him under your roof. Each tine he uses, he's playing russian roulette. No guarantees!
What is guaranteed is that he will become worse, and life will become unbearable for you and others.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Thank you everyone. I know I need to take control of my own life. My husband keeps saying enough is enough and we need to throw him out but he literally has nowhere to go. His older siblings have children and would not let him live with them - rightly so and he has lost all his mates. I just don’t think I could throw him out onto the streets. I would not sleep but I don’t sleep while he is in his room doing drugs, either way it is bad but on the occasions when he has gone missing for whole weekends whilst on a rampage of drugs I have been going out of my mind with worry. Our life is totally controlled by him and whether he is on drugs. We do not have any relationship with him as he lies and manipulates me continuously. He promises to stop and then I find money missing, even though I hide it, and he has managed to get more. We argue and shout and I tell him that I hate him and he says he can’t stand me etc etc. Such an unhealthy environment. I know I need him to leave but if he kills himself after I throw him out I can’t take this back. This evening he is laying in his room in pain as he has done too much ket and saying he needs hot water bottle. I have hid the water bottle because I want him to suffer and be in as much pain as possible so that he comes to his senses and stops but he won’t. We have been here before several times. Where do addicts go if they are thrown out of their homes. There isn’t much help out there. Having a drug addict for a son is the most painful thing I have ever had to deal with. The worse thing about it is that I cannot ever see an end to it until he dies or we die. Really struggling with all the stress of his addiction and the continuous debt letters coming through the door every day. How he can get these payday loans so easy I don’t know. I am the sort of person that can deal with everything and solve any issues. However this is off the scale and I am going round in circles. I thought I would be relaxing and enjoying my grandchildren in my 60s not living a life of hell
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Dearest Dennis
I answered your post somewhere else on one of the recent topics you replied too
I am also in my late sixties and yes I didn’t know I was going to be living in the hell of my daughters addiction.. ..it is truly horrific I also paid for some rehabs others were paid for by the local councils 7 or 8 … and like you I would not pay for anymore my addict daughter is now 40 and still using whatever I don’t know I blocked and deleted her 2 years ago … you ask where they go mostly they sofa surf going from place to place there are homeless shelters which if they get a bed for the night ..they do survive well my daughter did … she started in her teens it’s been one almighty nightmare ..
Your son could die in his room as much as if outside ..
What would I do if I were you … I would wait until he is lucid and in pain and tell him if he doesn’t get the help he needs ( he will need to be detoxed he must make the call ) then 90 NA or CA meetings in 90 days if he doesn’t make that call then he has to leave … my own physical mental and spiritual health was suffering badly as well as financially I woke up with an axe
above my head so I put her out for my own sanity … if your son has made the choice not to seek help now you have to make the choice of what’s best for you … At the moment you are enabling your son letting him use in your home with everything that comes with it stealing etc would you let anyone else do that in your home
I had to use intellect over emotion because I certainly wouldn’t have allowed anyone to do that to me …
Nothing changes if nothing changes find the strength you may have to call the police to put him out I did .. contact admin for some literature find out what you’re dealing with …how can you know the answer if you don’t know the problem …
Stay with us here on famanon and you will find peace we are all in this together
Bless you in Famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
I answered your post somewhere else on one of the recent topics you replied too
I am also in my late sixties and yes I didn’t know I was going to be living in the hell of my daughters addiction.. ..it is truly horrific I also paid for some rehabs others were paid for by the local councils 7 or 8 … and like you I would not pay for anymore my addict daughter is now 40 and still using whatever I don’t know I blocked and deleted her 2 years ago … you ask where they go mostly they sofa surf going from place to place there are homeless shelters which if they get a bed for the night ..they do survive well my daughter did … she started in her teens it’s been one almighty nightmare ..
Your son could die in his room as much as if outside ..
What would I do if I were you … I would wait until he is lucid and in pain and tell him if he doesn’t get the help he needs ( he will need to be detoxed he must make the call ) then 90 NA or CA meetings in 90 days if he doesn’t make that call then he has to leave … my own physical mental and spiritual health was suffering badly as well as financially I woke up with an axe
above my head so I put her out for my own sanity … if your son has made the choice not to seek help now you have to make the choice of what’s best for you … At the moment you are enabling your son letting him use in your home with everything that comes with it stealing etc would you let anyone else do that in your home I had to use intellect over emotion because I certainly wouldn’t have allowed anyone to do that to me …
Nothing changes if nothing changes find the strength you may have to call the police to put him out I did .. contact admin for some literature find out what you’re dealing with …how can you know the answer if you don’t know the problem …
Stay with us here on famanon and you will find peace we are all in this together
Bless you in Famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Hi Dennis, welcome to the forum, I've been on here a relatively short time but find it definitely helps me.
My cocaine addict son is in the process of losing his own home which he bought before addiction took hold. I am absolutely determined not yo have him back living here. Every time I reiterate this to him he gets verbally abusive and threatens suicide. Two weeks ago he left a voice message saying he was going to kill himself and instead of rushing to his home as I usually do I contacted the police to do a welfare check on him. He was really angry with me afterwards and now has blocked all contact, saying he'll never speak to me again.
As awful as it sounds I feel a little relieved as I couldn't cope with his dramas any more (I've tried everything to persuade him to seek help). Of course I feel terribly down and miss him but have to be strong and keep these boundaries as my own mental health is starting to suffer greatly.
Addicts have to want help and unfortunately you have to protect yourself and your family. My heart goes out to you
Much love
Kazza x
My cocaine addict son is in the process of losing his own home which he bought before addiction took hold. I am absolutely determined not yo have him back living here. Every time I reiterate this to him he gets verbally abusive and threatens suicide. Two weeks ago he left a voice message saying he was going to kill himself and instead of rushing to his home as I usually do I contacted the police to do a welfare check on him. He was really angry with me afterwards and now has blocked all contact, saying he'll never speak to me again.
As awful as it sounds I feel a little relieved as I couldn't cope with his dramas any more (I've tried everything to persuade him to seek help). Of course I feel terribly down and miss him but have to be strong and keep these boundaries as my own mental health is starting to suffer greatly.
Addicts have to want help and unfortunately you have to protect yourself and your family. My heart goes out to you
Much love
Kazza x
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Thank you all so much. I’m sorry that you are all going through this. It is horrendous isn’t it. You all seem very strong and I wish I could remove myself from the situation I am in and let somebody else deal with it. Year after year nothing changes so I know I need to be strong and make that decision. I don’t contact friends any more as I feel embarrassed that as a mother I have failed him and not been able to help him. Friends speak about how well their children are and what jobs and settling down etc. I just couldn’t talk about it to them so I have distanced myself from all friends. On this forum we are all in it together and it is nice to know that I am not alone and be able to unload. Thank you all
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FLOSTER1976
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Fri Sep 01, 2023 10:05 pm
Re: Ketamine Addiction
I'm so sorry your going through this, I went through the same thing for years with my son with ketamine, it's a very powerful addictive substance, we paid for rehab for him, he had a good job and lived on his own, he ended up living with me and my younger son who was 9 at the time, over 3 years we had him in and out, his dad had him for a period of time, each time he would get sober then go back to it, I had to protect my youngest and unfortunately after he put my youngest at risk by using I had to say enough is enough, he went to live in a shared house nearer work and university. He was a functional addict and always did well at work though god knows how. 3 weeks later I had the knock at the door, the kind no parents want, he passed away in the shower after a night of taking Ketamine, it wasn't a massive amount he took but think his body had just given up. I felt massive guilt at the time but after months of therapy I realised that this could have easily happened at my house, I couldn't be with him 24 hours a day, it's just not possible. My son struggled massively with his addiction, he hated what he'd become and we cried so many times together but he was never engaged when it came to trying to stop, I had so many resources he could have accessed but he didn't want to. Its been nearly a year now and I miss him every day however I know he's not in pain now and at peace and I am starting to find peace myself, I don't know how much longer I could have gone without my own mental health suffering, I'm a strong person but it can break the strongest of people. Only you can make the decision what to do, it's a hard one to make, you can't control what your son does but you can control your own life. I wish you all the best, I have a WhatsApp group with other families going through what your going through as I'm currently campaigning and getting information out there about ketamine so if you want to private message me I can add you to the group for more support if you need it.
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Oh I am so so sorry. That is so sad and I am having a cry for you and your son. Thank you. I will private message you
Re: Ketamine Addiction
So sorry to read your post Floster and also yours Dennis 
it is such a tragic situation.
My son hasn’t lived with us for a while as he went to uni then worked and rented a flat - more recently he gave up/lost his job and I paid for airbnbs then he went into rehab. After rehab I booked a travelodge but he got kicked out and was homeless for two nights which broke my heart. I was beside myself as I couldn’t contact him properly. He went to a shelter one night at 10pm he is now in air BnBs again and has given me some of his benefit money to help pay for it but it’s still a mess as he breaks things and gets into chaos when he drinks and uses.
I know some would say I am enabling him but I couldn’t beat him being homeless but who knows what will happen - if he gets thrown out of more places I don’t know what I would do.
Love to you all x
it is such a tragic situation. My son hasn’t lived with us for a while as he went to uni then worked and rented a flat - more recently he gave up/lost his job and I paid for airbnbs then he went into rehab. After rehab I booked a travelodge but he got kicked out
and was homeless for two nights which broke my heart. I was beside myself as I couldn’t contact him properly. He went to a shelter one night at 10pm he is now in air BnBs again and has given me some of his benefit money to help pay for it but it’s still a mess as he breaks things and gets into chaos when he drinks and uses.I know some would say I am enabling him but I couldn’t beat him being homeless but who knows what will happen - if he gets thrown out of more places I don’t know what I would do.
Love to you all x
Re: Ketamine Addiction
Thank you, Floster, for posting this, for your generosity of spirit in sharing the news about your son. It is no use pretending that our children might not die of their addictions, because they might. What is coming clear on this thread, though, is that it can happen whether we have them living with us or not.
The reason that I'm on here is because of my oldest son, who is an addict. However, both my younger brother and my father were alcoholics. Of my brother, my mum once said to me, (she was religious) " I pray that God will take him in his sleep one night."
My brother died of a heart attack aged 42, not in his sleep, but in peaceful surroundings and instantaneously.
We do you have to face the fact that they are dicing with mortality. As I said above, pretending is of no use whatsoever. However, we have no control over what an addict is doing, over the recklessness which they show about their own health and prospects, and so all we can do is continue to love them if that is possible, and to protect ourselves, our other relationships and our human lives. P.
The reason that I'm on here is because of my oldest son, who is an addict. However, both my younger brother and my father were alcoholics. Of my brother, my mum once said to me, (she was religious) " I pray that God will take him in his sleep one night."
My brother died of a heart attack aged 42, not in his sleep, but in peaceful surroundings and instantaneously.
We do you have to face the fact that they are dicing with mortality. As I said above, pretending is of no use whatsoever. However, we have no control over what an addict is doing, over the recklessness which they show about their own health and prospects, and so all we can do is continue to love them if that is possible, and to protect ourselves, our other relationships and our human lives. P.