Don't know what to about my son

[leeangus]

Hi,
I am a bit lost. My son smokes weed, has done for about 5 years, he is 20. He has anger issues now, and if a small inconvenience happens he explodes, its getting worse, he smashes up his room and things, hits himself, cries, screams, I get verbal abuse, so now I leave him until he calms down. He doesn't work and refuses to sign on again, he got take off uc due to not going to appointments. I know in enabling him by giving him money, £20 ish a day and whatever he has on tic at the end of the week. I can't take the anger when he has nothing to smoke. I love my son but hate who he has become, I am so depressed about this, I've used some of my future pension money in the past to pay his tic.
My partner and friends think I should put him out, but I can't do that. What help is there out there. I've made an appointment with the doctor for him at the end of this month to see what they can do for him.
Thank you for reading.

[lesleerose]

Dearest Lea
What you have here is “ king Baby “ and baby can’t always get what baby wants no matter how many tantrums he has ..
I can only give you my experience I had a “ king baby “ banging on her high chair … eventually I woke with her with an axe above my head …
It’s time for you to cut the umbilical cord and let go … I tried every like most of us on here to save her and I couldn’t … mentally psychically spiritually and financially I was beat … the hamster wheel just keeps going round and round believe me it gets worse ..your son is on a downward spiral to hell please don’t go there you will loose everything… My addict daughter would have stepped over my dead body to get to her drug of choice…
I had to get the police to put her out … she started early teens now she is 40 and as far as I know still using I haven’t seen her for a very long time
Nothing changes if nothing changes
Please don't become an enabler
Yours in the finest fellowship ( with the highest entrance fee ) in the world famanon
Lesleerose
Hopefully your son will engage with the CAT team to wean him of the weed if he doesn’t want the help there is very little you can do but put him out to grow up ..

[leeangus]

Hi Lesleerose,
thank you for your reply
You a so right in what you have said
What is CAT?
Honestly I am so scared, scared he gets worse, scared for his future, scared for my future
But I know it will get worse. Even trying to have a conversation with him about it results in anger. I'm so exhausted.
Reading on here I recognise so many of the symptoms of the result of him smoking, this makes me feel I am not alone.

[LM66]

Hi Lee
My son is also the addict in my life. Unfortunately, I had to evict him and make him homeless when he was 20. He wasn't prepared to accept advice or seek help. His behaviour had deteriorated, much the same as your son, so he had to go. The stress of living with someone in active addiction is horrendous.
The CAT Lesleerose mentions is, Community Addiction Team. There are such teams in most areas. Your GP can refer your son - IF he is willing. If he isn't willing to engage, there's nothing you can do.
You really do have to protect yourself, your home, your finances, as your son will leave you penniless. He's heading down a slippery slope, and will attempt to take you with him.
It's heartbreaking, I know. None of us imagined our sons/daughters, partners, would go down this route. We all understand how difficult this is.
Stick around the forum for your own support Lee.
Much Love
L x

[lesleerose]

Hi again Lea
If you can get along to a live Famanon meeting or a zoom meeting there you will meet people exactly the same as you and me …
The fear you feel is so real it’s unbearable we have been where you are … you are no longer alone Lea … we are all at different stages if you stay with us you will get stronger…and the emotional pain will ease … with time …
At the moment you’re not helping your son your enabling him …
You are no longer talking to your son your talking to the drugs ..
Someone recently said on here that her son had been replaced with an imposter I know exactly what she meant …
I hope you find the strength to put your boy out if he doesn’t engage with the CAT team … take care of number one and let your son be responsible for his actions it’s the only way in my experience..
Please keep posting
Lesleerose

[leeangus]

Thank you for your replies, it means so much.
Yesterday was a good day, he was like a "normal" son ( for want of a better phrase), I helped him fix his skateboard and we had a laugh together and it was great. He asked me for money and I said I didn't have any and he was OK with that, a first. But he went out and got some smoke on tic, so my feeling that we could be "normal" was short lived, but it made me happy for a while.
I will look to see where meetings are, it would be great to meet people and get advice
I will be staying on here , I'm so glad I found this forum with fantastic people.

[lesleerose]

Brilliantly lee
Every journey starts with the first step and you have told him no ..
Set boundaries LM is very good with this …
Ie no using in the family home
Get strong loved the story about the skate board
Let us know how you get on at the meeting
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose

[Concernedmum]

hi Lee and welcome,

Your story is like so many here and painful for each of us. None of us could ever have imagined the pain that addiction has brought into our homes. My addict is my daughter and I am so upset with her ....her choices have limited her potential.

She had to leave the family home in her late teens and hid a lot of the addiction from me. Looking back i have enabled her for years.....money, flats a car etc. I now know where it has all been going and I have stopped.

We have good weeks and bad weeks, and she hates me for a while. It was so very hard to say No to her, but I have learnt to, and from that action I have found peace.

I have leant that I can't change her, but I have changed me.

We all understand the pain and disbelief you feel at the moment, but saying NO to money today was a great first step. Well done

Keep posting.

cM x

[Poetry]

Hello and welcome from me, aka Poetry!