To all of us mothers here,
Hope you have had a peaceful day whatever the situation you are in today. I faced this day with dread and anxiety and I know that for many of us, things are hard.
Let's all remember that this is not our fault. Our children have been taken by the drugs, some never to return but some will recover and come back to us one day.
I have spent time reflecting on the life I have given to my children with love and stability at the core. We had lots of adventures, holidays and laughter, living in a beautiful county with lots of fun on the doorstep and family close by. I know. I did my best. I worked hard at work and at home and we had a good life. The drugs have taken one child, but the other is well and healthy. I have family and friends and have learnt to look after myself.
This evil can knock at any family's door and sadly it is us on here. We are stronger together and I am grateful I found you all.
So please whatever today has brought for you, tears or joy, please let's remember the good times and know this is not our fault. We are all great mums.
happy mother's day x
cM
Mothers day
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Butterfly1234
- Posts: 77
- Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2023 3:35 pm
Re: Mothers day
Happy Mother’s Day to all Mums here 
we are all doing our best and that is more than enough 
Last year on Mother’s Day I locked myself in the bathroom numerous times throughout the day and cried. Convinced I was not good enough and I was doing something wrong. Because my addict husband was out of his mind and my kids had no guidance I fully felt that we just weren’t celebrating Mother’s Day because I wasn’t a good enough mum. I had no real idea of what was happening to my husband just had suspicions that he may be taking drugs. No clue of the extent of his using and what it was doing to his mind. And then ultimately what it was doing to me. The emotional abuse, manipulation, anger, distance. All of those things I thought were my fault.
I’m glad now that I know what was going on, although have had to go through hell to learn it. Scars are nowhere near healed and I think I may have depression, everyday seems such an effort, I’m so tired and my motivation is nowhere to be found. But every day I get up and I try. I know now that I am doing an amazing job with my 2 boys and all that’s happened is not my fault.
Today I woke up to a Costa, a bunch of flowers and a promise that I will not lift a finger today. I am grateful for my boys and my life. And I can confirm I have not lifted a bloody finger today! I’ve been waited on like a queen
I am more than aware that today will be very different for others on here and those Mums are in my thoughts
we are all doing our best and that is more than enough 
Last year on Mother’s Day I locked myself in the bathroom numerous times throughout the day and cried. Convinced I was not good enough and I was doing something wrong. Because my addict husband was out of his mind and my kids had no guidance I fully felt that we just weren’t celebrating Mother’s Day because I wasn’t a good enough mum. I had no real idea of what was happening to my husband just had suspicions that he may be taking drugs. No clue of the extent of his using and what it was doing to his mind. And then ultimately what it was doing to me. The emotional abuse, manipulation, anger, distance. All of those things I thought were my fault.
I’m glad now that I know what was going on, although have had to go through hell to learn it. Scars are nowhere near healed and I think I may have depression, everyday seems such an effort, I’m so tired and my motivation is nowhere to be found. But every day I get up and I try. I know now that I am doing an amazing job with my 2 boys and all that’s happened is not my fault.
Today I woke up to a Costa, a bunch of flowers and a promise that I will not lift a finger today. I am grateful for my boys and my life. And I can confirm I have not lifted a bloody finger today! I’ve been waited on like a queen
I am more than aware that today will be very different for others on here and those Mums are in my thoughts
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dramaqueen
- Posts: 403
- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm
Re: Mothers day
Thank you CM. Happy Mothers Day to you and all the other mums on here 
I have a good news story. Two years ago I excluded my youngest son from my house because of his drug using and dealing. He admits now that he was obsessed with drugs - his life revolved around them. I always reassured him that I loved him, even in the face of abusive text rants sent when he was going through psychotic episodes.
Mother’s Day last year and today too, all three of my children came to meet me for a roast dinner in a local pub. All three of them are doing well. Although my youngest son is currently unemployed and in receipt of PIP he is mostly sober and has plans to travel and go to university.
For the time being at least my story is taking a happy turn, although making that decision two years ago was the hardest decision I ever made and it took a long time for me to find peace with it. My son has told me many times that it was the best thing I could have done for him
.
However I know there are many on here whose kids are still in active addiction, some still living with them and for whom today is a very bitter sweet day. Having an addicted loved one is one of the most painful experiences imaginable. I’m so grateful to this forum and I am now in my 5th year on here - I don’t know how I would have coped and whether I would have had the same strength without this forum.
Keep coming back - this is a safe and supportive space.
DQ
I have a good news story. Two years ago I excluded my youngest son from my house because of his drug using and dealing. He admits now that he was obsessed with drugs - his life revolved around them. I always reassured him that I loved him, even in the face of abusive text rants sent when he was going through psychotic episodes.
Mother’s Day last year and today too, all three of my children came to meet me for a roast dinner in a local pub. All three of them are doing well. Although my youngest son is currently unemployed and in receipt of PIP he is mostly sober and has plans to travel and go to university.
For the time being at least my story is taking a happy turn, although making that decision two years ago was the hardest decision I ever made and it took a long time for me to find peace with it. My son has told me many times that it was the best thing I could have done for him
.However I know there are many on here whose kids are still in active addiction, some still living with them and for whom today is a very bitter sweet day. Having an addicted loved one is one of the most painful experiences imaginable. I’m so grateful to this forum and I am now in my 5th year on here - I don’t know how I would have coped and whether I would have had the same strength without this forum.
Keep coming back - this is a safe and supportive space.
DQ
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dramaqueen
- Posts: 403
- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm
Re: Mothers day
Just saw this after posting my last post. You so deserved to be pampered Butterfly.Butterfly1234 wrote: ↑Sun Mar 10, 2024 5:44 pm Happy Mother’s Day to all Mums here
Last year on Mother’s Day I locked myself in the bathroom numerous times throughout the day and cried. Convinced I was not good enough and I was doing something wrong. Because my addict husband was out of his mind and my kids had no guidance I fully felt that we just weren’t celebrating Mother’s Day because I wasn’t a good enough mum. I had no real idea of what was happening to my husband just had suspicions that he may be taking drugs. No clue of the extent of his using and what it was doing to his mind. And then ultimately what it was doing to me. The emotional abuse, manipulation, anger, distance. All of those things I thought were my fault.
I’m glad now that I know what was going on, although have had to go through hell to learn it. Scars are nowhere near healed and I think I may have depression, everyday seems such an effort, I’m so tired and my motivation is nowhere to be found. But every day I get up and I try. I know now that I am doing an amazing job with my 2 boys and all that’s happened is not my fault.
Today I woke up to a Costa, a bunch of flowers and a promise that I will not lift a finger today. I am grateful for my boys and my life. And I can confirm I have not lifted a bloody finger today! I’ve been waited on like a queen
I am more than aware that today will be very different for others on here and those Mums are in my thoughts
To be honest, from your posts it sounds like you are juggling a lot - running the house, walking the dog, doing most of the parenting and working full time. While your husband is focusing on his recovery. So it is not surprising you are exhausted. And, after the shocking revelations of your husband’s drug addiction in the past year, it would not be surprising if this frayed your nerves and led to some depression.
Take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of your special day.
Best wishes
DQ
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rocklobster
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2023 8:04 pm
Re: Mothers day
Thank you so much for posting this Concerned Mum.
I haven't logged in for a while here but been reading regularly. DQ - I've followed your story on here - so happy to hear that things have really turned around for your youngest son's recovery, that's brilliant.
And really good to hear the positive changes for you too Butterfly.
We haven't heard from our 17 y o son all day. No text or call. He's really been in the grips of his alcoholism and mainly daily drinking the last couple of weeks, although he did go to a meeting last night. He's been staying with his dad this weekend although due home soon.
My partner and I have tried to avoid the Mothers day thing today best we can, and both just focused on catching up with paid work today, and I was feeling quite distracted, but then looking at some WhatsApp messages of friends with kids of the same age who are spoiling their mums today and being thoughtful...was suddenly upset, and started to question again why this is happening, and if we were really crap mums or did something to mess him up...
Felt calmer logging in and seeing this post CM, and remembering that we're not alone dealing with this. And the three C's of course!
Thanks everyone here for being here xx
I haven't logged in for a while here but been reading regularly. DQ - I've followed your story on here - so happy to hear that things have really turned around for your youngest son's recovery, that's brilliant.
And really good to hear the positive changes for you too Butterfly.
We haven't heard from our 17 y o son all day. No text or call. He's really been in the grips of his alcoholism and mainly daily drinking the last couple of weeks, although he did go to a meeting last night. He's been staying with his dad this weekend although due home soon.
My partner and I have tried to avoid the Mothers day thing today best we can, and both just focused on catching up with paid work today, and I was feeling quite distracted, but then looking at some WhatsApp messages of friends with kids of the same age who are spoiling their mums today and being thoughtful...was suddenly upset, and started to question again why this is happening, and if we were really crap mums or did something to mess him up...
Felt calmer logging in and seeing this post CM, and remembering that we're not alone dealing with this. And the three C's of course!
Thanks everyone here for being here xx
Re: Mothers day
Thank you so much for the original post, CM, and to the other contributors for adding their thoughts.
Coming up to nine years ago, when we were utterly naive and had no idea what our oldest son was getting into, there was a hugely unpleasant incident at my middle granddaughter's christening. The middle granddaughter belongs to my middle son, who is not involved in drugs at all.
Anyway I won't go into details, but something went wrong on that occasion, family wise. Never mind what the addict was up to, but my husband and I came away from that celebration feeling marginalised and let down, which led to problems with my middle son and his wife.
We didn't see them for a few months. When it was all put right, I made a sort of vow to myself that we would never have any problems with them again, because they are a good couple in so many ways, excellent parents to the little girls, and I knew that as the more mature person, I could make a superhuman effort now.
The addict refused to be rescued, despite all of our efforts. However, what was entirely rescuable was that relationship with my middle son and his wife. She and I have done brilliantly over the last eight or so years, building a totally mutually supportive relationship, and I've told her that she is much more of a daughter to me than my oldest son has been a son.
Yesterday she sent me a Best Mother-in-law in the World card. And it meant more than I can say.
Much love to you all on here. I know that for some of you, yesterday would have been a dreadful, and I send you hugs. DQ, that is the loveliest news. Long awaited. P.
Coming up to nine years ago, when we were utterly naive and had no idea what our oldest son was getting into, there was a hugely unpleasant incident at my middle granddaughter's christening. The middle granddaughter belongs to my middle son, who is not involved in drugs at all.
Anyway I won't go into details, but something went wrong on that occasion, family wise. Never mind what the addict was up to, but my husband and I came away from that celebration feeling marginalised and let down, which led to problems with my middle son and his wife.
We didn't see them for a few months. When it was all put right, I made a sort of vow to myself that we would never have any problems with them again, because they are a good couple in so many ways, excellent parents to the little girls, and I knew that as the more mature person, I could make a superhuman effort now.
The addict refused to be rescued, despite all of our efforts. However, what was entirely rescuable was that relationship with my middle son and his wife. She and I have done brilliantly over the last eight or so years, building a totally mutually supportive relationship, and I've told her that she is much more of a daughter to me than my oldest son has been a son.
Yesterday she sent me a Best Mother-in-law in the World card. And it meant more than I can say.
Much love to you all on here. I know that for some of you, yesterday would have been a dreadful, and I send you hugs. DQ, that is the loveliest news. Long awaited. P.