Thank you for your concern, it means a great deal to me to have support here…
I feel at least here not I am not own with my thoughts, and I can safely talk about what is happening to me and my family. I thank God for this forum
So yesterday, I met with my son , with his father. It was beyond so incredibly sad to see him in such a tragic and broken state
. However, I remained firm. As in under NO circumstances can he return to live with me , or with his father and until he is firmly back on the recovery road (his addiction is at its worst) then NO contact with his child can be had. It would be far too damaging for him (my 5 year old grandson that is), even if it was supervised, which I am not prepared to do.
To be fair my son didn’t ask to come back to our homes anyway as I had already made this clear . He is however desperate to speak to his son on the phone , but as I say , his mother and I remain united and firm on this and at this stage we say no.
My son acknowledges this is the worst it has ever been and he is a sad , desperate and
and lost soul.
for me as his mother to see. He now his phone back ( the one thing I did do ) and he says he won’t disappear again. He has never done this before and the impact to us all has been horrendous
This being said, I gave him lots of information to seek housing as a vulnerable adult ( which by law he is) away from the place he is staying, a “friend” addict he recently met, when (of his own choice) he decided to leave the safety of his fathers and throw a grenade at his recovery. I also advised he get back to NA/CA meetings (daily) and seek support via the support groups/ services he knows ..I gave him a list of food banks.. and the crack cocaine letter I found on here …I also wrote a letter to housing which he can take ..I bought him lunch, while we were talking, him mostly crying and hug (nothing else) these are the things I could support with. He is my son and I will always love him.
However, there is a glimmer of hope
.. I have been praying for God to reach my son and for help, as my son won’t reach out God.. and God IS helping .. by chance a friend of my husbands informed him of a Christian based 17 month intensive rehabilitation programme ( 12 month residential) single sex, with good recovery rates. It has no charge and utilises the individuals benefits and donations to cover the costs
. The goal the mission , “is to help people become mentally sound, physically well, emotionally balanced, socially adjusted & spiritually alive”.
I spoke to my son about this and he is so desperate he said he wants to try this…. He really has limited options anyway ( of his own choices /actions). He completed the application and he will be contacted for the intake interview shortly, sooner than later I hope
There will be a waiting period , where he is expected to remain in weekly contact until , a space becomes available . Which again I hope is sooner than later… then he will start what I hope and pray will be his salvation. I can only hope and
.
In the meantime I will stay in contact with my son… mostly by
and I will do what I can for my grandson. We (my grandson and I) are going to Bubble planet on Saturday. I
for some light relief and fun with him. I told my son I will take some videos and send him ( this I can do). I am having some reiki this morning , I must do some work !!!! And while I have not been able to get a physical famanon meeting (I was too exhausted) yesterday and my nearest is fortnightly, I will look at online ones later today that I can join. I will be starting CBT soon to manage my anxiety and I will keep doing what I can to stay strong and well. I am listening to an interesting audiobook at the moment “Don’t let your kids kill you” Charles Rubin… it is helpful.
I wish you all well as can be
.. thank you for reading if you do… my love and
Anaid xxx
I am meeting him tomorrow to try and work out a way forward .. tonight I sleep better .. I know he is alive
and he saying he desperately wants a change to recover.. he misses his son and his family ..will stay firm with boundaries , my support not enabling 
. However, I remained firm. As in under NO circumstances can he return to live with me , or with his father and until he is firmly back on the recovery road (his addiction is at its worst) then NO contact with his child can be had. It would be far too damaging for him (my 5 year old grandson that is), even if it was supervised, which I am not prepared to do. 
for me as his mother to see. He now his phone back ( the one thing I did do ) and he says he won’t disappear again. He has never done this before and the impact to us all has been horrendous 
and I will do what I can for my grandson. We (my grandson and I) are going to Bubble planet on Saturday. I