So after a week of being ghosted. Him no longer having a job as his contract ended. Another spell of his next depression. I finally give up. I am tired of falling for the lies. Being manipulated into believing he wants to be better. Picking myself up only to be knocked down again. I can’t cry another tear!!
I have been lied to/ cheated on/ used/ let down and still try to remain positive. Yesterday he was meant to come and see the kids but doesn’t feel able. He hasn’t spoken to them in 2 and half weeks. He hates his life etc. I feel bad for sending a message now. But i need to try and save myself. I cant stop thinking about how he might change but i have seen him get worse over the past 2 years. He will take and not give back. Come in and out of our lives and cause caous. I didn't want to get out of my bed today but i have kids and they need me. I have blocked him and will try again to move forward.
The final straw hopefully
-
lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: The final straw hopefully
Hi MF
It never ceases to amaze me the beautiful intelligent women the addict get … whether that be wives partners mother and vice versa with men … you are a loving and caring mother who has tried EVERYTHING to keep your family together… but it doesn’t work if one is doing all the giving and the other doing all the taking … Here in Scotland we call it the Magees and the mactaks ..I left my addict husband over 4 years ago and I haven’t spoken to him since June 2019 and I am fine with that ..
Please call womans aid they are absolutely fantastic….
Keep posting on here or a live meeting because we are damaged and need the support and help from others
A big hug
you are very brave …. The power behind you is stronger than the task ahead .. that has been my experience…. I also had to put my addict daughter out of my life around 2 years ago and I am now at peace … womens aid will help you to get any more monies you are entitled to and much more
Bless you in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
It never ceases to amaze me the beautiful intelligent women the addict get … whether that be wives partners mother and vice versa with men … you are a loving and caring mother who has tried EVERYTHING to keep your family together… but it doesn’t work if one is doing all the giving and the other doing all the taking … Here in Scotland we call it the Magees and the mactaks ..I left my addict husband over 4 years ago and I haven’t spoken to him since June 2019 and I am fine with that ..
Please call womans aid they are absolutely fantastic….
Keep posting on here or a live meeting because we are damaged and need the support and help from others
A big hug
you are very brave …. The power behind you is stronger than the task ahead .. that has been my experience…. I also had to put my addict daughter out of my life around 2 years ago and I am now at peace … womens aid will help you to get any more monies you are entitled to and much more Bless you in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: The final straw hopefully
Now is the time to feel positive, not about the possibility of the addict recovering, or of your life with him, but of your life lived independently of all of this horror. You've now got to the stage where you realise that you've done everything, and you deserve more.
There is not one single reason why you should feel guilty.
Well done. P.
There is not one single reason why you should feel guilty.
Well done. P.
Re: The final straw hopefully
Hi MF
Addicts will take the sugar from your tea, then come back for the milk.
Addiction is very selfish and destructive. Addicts are like prima donnas - it's all about them. They take centre stage, as we flog ourselves senseless trying to help them. We can't, if they don't want it.
You have sacrificed enough of yourself for this man, now it's time for you and your kids to live free from the chaos of his addiction.
It's hurtful on the heart, but that will lessen as you realize how different your life is without it being contaminated by addiction.
Much Love
L x
Addicts will take the sugar from your tea, then come back for the milk.
Addiction is very selfish and destructive. Addicts are like prima donnas - it's all about them. They take centre stage, as we flog ourselves senseless trying to help them. We can't, if they don't want it.
You have sacrificed enough of yourself for this man, now it's time for you and your kids to live free from the chaos of his addiction.
It's hurtful on the heart, but that will lessen as you realize how different your life is without it being contaminated by addiction.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Re: The final straw hopefully
Thank you all!!
Yesterday was a horrible day. I found myself unblocking him, apologising and re-blocking him today. I feel like i am a mess. He is a mess and nothing will change. I am sucked into the game playing every time. I know deep down it wont get better. I know i need to try and move forward. He will happily ignore me and now i feel like i’m overreacting. But it will continue unless i remain strong. He has done the worst to me and i still find myself apologising. He has no remorse about how he treats me and as much as I know it’s the addiction. I still don't think he is a position to accept help. I am grateful for all your support.
Yesterday was a horrible day. I found myself unblocking him, apologising and re-blocking him today. I feel like i am a mess. He is a mess and nothing will change. I am sucked into the game playing every time. I know deep down it wont get better. I know i need to try and move forward. He will happily ignore me and now i feel like i’m overreacting. But it will continue unless i remain strong. He has done the worst to me and i still find myself apologising. He has no remorse about how he treats me and as much as I know it’s the addiction. I still don't think he is a position to accept help. I am grateful for all your support.
-
lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: The final straw hopefully
This is called gas lighting MF … don’t be hard on yourself you are dealing with addiction and it is relentless…
Letting go is a process it takes time … the most important thing is that you are sharing and to get well and strong enough to detach you must keep sharing that is my experience… is there anyway you can get to a live meeting or a zoom meeting….
You are no longer alone we are all in exactly the same position as yourself all at different stages
Did I mention he book “ co dependant no more “ by melody Beattie …. If you go to the main sight admin ( who are exactly the same as us … give of themselves freely “ can send you some excellent literature… MF you have to learn what your dealing with how can you know the answer until you know the question…
Please keep posting … it’s not your fault ..
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
Letting go is a process it takes time … the most important thing is that you are sharing and to get well and strong enough to detach you must keep sharing that is my experience… is there anyway you can get to a live meeting or a zoom meeting….
You are no longer alone we are all in exactly the same position as yourself all at different stages
Did I mention he book “ co dependant no more “ by melody Beattie …. If you go to the main sight admin ( who are exactly the same as us … give of themselves freely “ can send you some excellent literature… MF you have to learn what your dealing with how can you know the answer until you know the question…
Please keep posting … it’s not your fault ..
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: The final straw hopefully
Hi Lesleerose,
Yes i listened to the whole audio. I still found myself feeling sorry for him and giving him a chance to let me down again. I know i need to trust in what will be will be. It’s not healthy how much i am affected by his inability to put his words into action. I knew this situation would knock me down, but i wasn’t sure just how bad it would feel. I can’t keep allowing myself to be emotionally chipped away by someone who is unable to care.
I need time to heal and get stronger. I cant do it with him there.
Yes i listened to the whole audio. I still found myself feeling sorry for him and giving him a chance to let me down again. I know i need to trust in what will be will be. It’s not healthy how much i am affected by his inability to put his words into action. I knew this situation would knock me down, but i wasn’t sure just how bad it would feel. I can’t keep allowing myself to be emotionally chipped away by someone who is unable to care.
I need time to heal and get stronger. I cant do it with him there.
Re: The final straw hopefully
"As much as I know it's the addiction..." Drugs are passive. It isn't drugs which wreak this havoc and horror and pain in our lives. It is their choice to take them which does the damage.
Having given my son as much support as I possibly could, and then more, I saw that he was never going to choose me over the drugs, or, more correctly, I should say, his own life over the drugs, and I got out. P.
Having given my son as much support as I possibly could, and then more, I saw that he was never going to choose me over the drugs, or, more correctly, I should say, his own life over the drugs, and I got out. P.
-
lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: The final straw hopefully
No of course you can’t … letting go is a process which you have been strong enough to embark on …
Can you get to live FA … zoom Also Al-Anon meeting would welcome you … FA works but you have to work at it get some literature arm yourself with knowledge it’s the only way … FA have a book you can purchase …meetings it is the essence of recovery
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
Can you get to live FA … zoom Also Al-Anon meeting would welcome you … FA works but you have to work at it get some literature arm yourself with knowledge it’s the only way … FA have a book you can purchase …meetings it is the essence of recovery
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: The final straw hopefully
Hi MF
Yes, letting go is a process. Perhaps, instead of thinking how he affects you - do you want your children to be around an addict father? Keep them uppermost in your mind, if that helps you move forward. I don't mean to minimise your hurt, please don't think that, but what we may accept for ourselves, children in the mix is a game changer. They rely on adults to make safe choices.
He will play you like a fiddle, because he knows he can. Show him otherwise.
Much Love
L x
Yes, letting go is a process. Perhaps, instead of thinking how he affects you - do you want your children to be around an addict father? Keep them uppermost in your mind, if that helps you move forward. I don't mean to minimise your hurt, please don't think that, but what we may accept for ourselves, children in the mix is a game changer. They rely on adults to make safe choices.
He will play you like a fiddle, because he knows he can. Show him otherwise.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Re: The final straw hopefully
Thinking of you Myfamily
All the replies on here are sadly true.
They will only ever think of themselves whilst using.
I have been doing OK, but I slip if I hear from my ex. I got told on Monday when I stupidly asked "you never ask about me". I was told why would I phone to ask that.
And therein lies my answer. It Hut so much after everything I sacrificed. I attended an online meeting on Tuesday as I was so upset,as days have passed, I've composed myself slightly.
I am still angry years later. They basically just don't care.
Keep on the forum my family, and I hope each day you grow stronger.
All the replies on here are sadly true.
They will only ever think of themselves whilst using.
I have been doing OK, but I slip if I hear from my ex. I got told on Monday when I stupidly asked "you never ask about me". I was told why would I phone to ask that.
And therein lies my answer. It Hut so much after everything I sacrificed. I attended an online meeting on Tuesday as I was so upset,as days have passed, I've composed myself slightly.
I am still angry years later. They basically just don't care.
Keep on the forum my family, and I hope each day you grow stronger.
-
lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: The final straw hopefully
Dearest MF he never did …they pick beautiful ppl to manipulate
Kick him to the kerb girl … get to many many meetings keep posting on here block and delete … I promise it does get better for you and the children …. They must come first as LM has said do you really want an addict to be around your children … you can’t change him you can only change you ..
Please keep posting … you are doing doing brilliantly..
Yours in Famanon fellowship you are no longer alone
Lesleerose
Kick him to the kerb girl … get to many many meetings keep posting on here block and delete … I promise it does get better for you and the children …. They must come first as LM has said do you really want an addict to be around your children … you can’t change him you can only change you ..
Please keep posting … you are doing doing brilliantly..
Yours in Famanon fellowship you are no longer alone
Lesleerose