Accusations

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Coriander
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2021 7:21 pm

Accusations

Post by Coriander »

My partner is currently in rehab for prescription drug addiction. He used to drink a lot of alcohol then switched to prescription medication and has been for 7 ish years. He’s been very paranoid in the past and has accused me of being unfaithful. We have been together for a long time I have never be n unfaithful to him at all. But he’s somehow got “information” from “people” that I had been intimate with some of his friends which is absolute rubbish. Now he’s in detox he’s struggling with thoughts of me being unfaithful and we’ve had a phone conversation that hasn’t gone well this evening :cry: he’s saying that I’ve not been honest about my past and it’s not helping him. I can’t admit to something I haven't done and I don’t care who he thinks has told him this so called information it’s just such crap ! I don’t know what to do to to help the situation. I feel angry that he doesn’t believe me. I pride myself on the fact I’ve not been an unfaithful partner and I’ve always been committed to him throughout our entire relationship despite the fact he’s been unfaithful to me in the past multiple times. He’s got annoyed in our phone conversation tonight and hung the phone up. It just really hurts and I don’t know how to move forward with him accusing and telling me I’m not being honest when I know for 100% that’s not true at all. Do I suggest I take a lie detector test ? I will do one of necessary but I just feel it’s so extreme as it’s such b/s
Will these paranoid feelings he has ever go away and how do I approach this and move forward from it.
Sorry for the rant but it’s been so positive up till now and the abrupt call has really upset me.
Thanks I’m advance for advice
Last edited by Coriander on Mon Dec 13, 2021 10:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Accusations

Post by LM66 »

No, you don't have to suggest that you take a lie detector test. You know you have done nothing to warrant it. It is his paranoia that is the issue, not you. You can't help his paranoia, medication can. It may be due to him detoxing from the prescription drugs, as when abused, they really can screw your head up.
What I would do, is next time he calls you, if he starts the accusations again, calmly say, " sorry, but I am not havimg this conversation again, and hang up". Don't leave yourself open to his  accusations. Remember too, you don't always have to be available for his calls. You are correct, it is B/S!
A paranoid mind will think as it wants to, regardless of what you do or don't do.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Coriander
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2021 7:21 pm

Re: Accusations

Post by Coriander »

Thank you for your response. It’s just so hard to deal with as he’s been doing so well but now this is an issue. He’s saying about how I lm the only one who can mes strings up now and how if he found something out and I’ve lied it would make him want to go out an relapse. It’s just not fair that he’s putting this blackmailing behaviour onto me now. I just find it so hard to deal with. I’m at home on my own with our 3 children dealing with everything and onto being an unwell person with auto immune issues and rheumatoid arthritis. This type of stress sets off bowel issues and other issues as well. I just wish these stupid thoughts would go from his head. It’s got worse in the last 12 months but if it doesn’t change I don’t think I can be with him as it’s unhealthy. I just hope that the secondary part of rehab will help him with these irrational thought as this is all his sh*t and not mine. All I’ve done is be a doormat for his crap behaviour all these years and I’ve held everything together as best I can. I just hope and pray this isn’t going to be something that will continue.
Thanks for the support. Really needing the help and advice on how to deal with this as I don’t want to get my own mental state down right now as I need to be staring for my children.
Thank you again xx
LM66
Posts: 2321
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:04 am

Re: Accusations

Post by LM66 »

Lulu,
Your main priority is taking care of you and your children.
You're physical and emotional health are so important to maintain.
It sounds like you have been the one holding this relationship together for a long time, and as you say in your words, "being a doormat"  treated as one by him.- you are NOT a doormat for anyone. Love doesn't treat you that way.
If he uses - that's on him! Not you! No one can make another person to use. It sounds, to me, that he is "paving the way" for using again and blaming you ahead of it! He's been in rehab just over a week, yes? His attitude doesn't come across as someone committed to recovery. Time will tell.
Meantime, I really think you would benefit by doing what you want to do - meet a pal for coffee, do whatever you want with the children. You don't have to spend your precious energy on your partner, use it for yourself and recharge.
I would have to agree, that you may be faced with the decision of deciding if the relationship is worth continuing. I certainly would consider if I wanted to put up with more of the same, plus, I wouldn't want addiction anywhere near my children, or myself .
Perhaps step back, and hve time out to gather your thoughts.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
2splendourangel
Posts: 155
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2021 11:45 am

Re: Accusations

Post by 2splendourangel »

Lulu,

I read your previous posts about your partner and now these latest ones about him accusing you of cheating.
From your previous posts just from reading between the lines I pick up that you are worn down with your
partners addiction to prescription drugs which has been going on for some time and with him now in rehab
you are just getting some time alone for a breathing space.
He has only been on his detox for a week and it sounds like he is feeling deflated and already suffering some
withdrawal symptoms. The withdrawal is probably all in his mind as he has been so used to having his drugs it has
become a way of life.
It is a shame that he is making these accusations and I wonder what people he has been contacting to give him
information like that obviously they cannot be much sort of friends to be trying to cause such upset. He is behaving
like that and saying this will cause him to relapse and he has hardly given himself the chance to have any
recovery. Perhaps this is just the early days of his detox talking and when he next calls you he will be feeling better
about things. I think you have had the biggest struggle holding things together and caring for your children at the
same time. I agree with LM66 when she says you need to care for yourself and also to really think about having your
partner back home and how you want to live your life for yourself and children. You have put up with this for a long
time.
Take care.
Poetry
Posts: 1349
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 1:59 am

Re: Accusations

Post by Poetry »

Lulu I am in awe and also horrified and outraged at what you are having to deal with. I'm sorry to be so blunt with you, but you need to put a stop to this behaviour with regard to you. Right now.

This gaslighting and undermining you, and accusing you, and telling you that it's your fault if he relapses is typical behaviour from an addict.

It seems that the more successful they are destroying us, the more their addiction thrives. I suggest you try to see it as a pattern which all addicts adopt, and not something which is personal to your relationship with your partner. Also, maybe, try to sit down quietly and calmly and, without any self-pity, which is a different thing, actually enumerate everything which you have to deal with.

You are unwell, and believe me, as someone who suffers from my, I identify with the symptoms which you described that, and also have a friend who suffers with rheumatoid arthritis. Illness makes you vulnerable, and this man is exploiting your vulnerability.

Put yourself and the children first. If you feel that at present you still have to give him a chance, then be extremely firm at rebutting any of these accusations made against you. P.
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