Fellow friends,
Well, here I am...sat here once again in tears.
My partner was suppose to start his road to recovery over 2 months ago. September he went to CGL..for months, it was the same excuse for 2 months. "The methadone isn't strong enough, 30 ml doesn't cut it. I need heroin, I'm not taking as much as I use to, and I promise I won't inject, but I can't take the withdrawal."
Well, what a load of crap.
From the gentle, kind and incredible man...to a lying, cheating (he went off to the other side of the country for a month mid Aug to Sep - admitted he was injecting, but found messages of him trying it on with another woman!!!..willing to give us, his family up.). The betrayal hurt me beyond belief...but I decided to give him a chance as he blamed his deceit on the addiction and drugs. He also swears nothing happened with this woman he chased (I also spoke to her and all the "friends" he was with during his time there).
Well, fast forward 2 months..
He is now on 60ml methadone.
He pawned a £600 Christmas present i bought him last year (you would never believe how different our lives were a year ago!)..
He has turned into a compulsive liar.
On the 13th November, I was out all day..he told me he didn't wake up until 4pm. He told me that he got to the pharmacy after 5pm and therefore wasn't able to get his methadone for the Saturday and of course that meant he didn't have any for the Sunday. There was silly old me on the phone to 111 trying to ask them if there was a way I could have the methadone released in order to stop him relapsing. (He told me he was at his flat..we live separately due to his previous crack problem). I was late to my friends wedding trying my hardest to sort out a script for him - what a mug I am!
On the way to this wedding I stopped by at his flat...he told me he was home. Well, his car wasn't there..I couldn't believe he lied to me AGAIN. He admitted he was down the road...at his drug dealers house.
what hurts? Is the fact he chose to go and pawn that present..he chose to do that on the 13th November over putting his recovery, methadone and family before his addiction..he chose to sell the present he once loved so much...
Its hard enough I've had to pay off bailifs. But I work 3 jobs in order to provide for our 3 year old daughter. Our beautiful, gorgeous, innocent little girl.
I have tried my hardest to be patient. I have sucked up the hurt, betrayal, lies..even the abuse. The abuse..."c*nt, you've gained 3 stone. Your so f***** fat. Look at the state of you".
I have fought a battle.. I have fought and fought.. to try my hardest to bring my girls daddy back to us. But instead, he just lies more. He doesn't contribute a penny..the money isn't the issue.
His mother enables his addiction.. she is aware of his addiction but sadly she doesn't understand that giving him money isn't helping, but enabling..no matter how many times I ask her to stop, she just can't find the strength within her to not give him it. I know in her heart she knows she isn't helping.. but I think she does it for an easy life. She does it because he manipulates her. I really feel for her as she is stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I've reported his dealers, i have even had his car confiscated..I have tried everything in my power to keep away and focus on his path to recovery.. but no, nothing.
He may not be taking heroin, but he has turned to alcohol now instead...its just one problem to the next. I finished work early today to drive him for his script, but guess what ? He didn't need to go as someone was giving him a lift as he was busy.
I wish I had the strength to stay away...I don't know what to do anymore...
I am thinking of getting a restraining order out now as I have given up all hope. I've tried everything...but he knows how to manipulate me. He knows how to lie to me. And he knows I love him so much that I'm desperate to believe his lies.
This is suppose to be a magical time of the year.. but I don't think I've ever felt so alone, heart broken and truly sad.
I'm terrified. Terrified of him dying..terrified of the people who has got himself caught up with..and terrified I guess of the unknown.
I'm so so sorry to ramble on like this..I really needed to vent, but it's hard to do so with people who don't know this terrible and helpess feeling.
Many thanks if you have managed to read this far. Any advice would be massively appreciated.
This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Hi Helen
I'm so sorry to read of your heartache. I am also very relieved to read that your partner doesn't live with you, and you're little girl.
Like all of us Helen, you have flogged yourself to death, fighting a battle, that you could never hope to win. That is because, the battle wasn't yours to fight, it was your partners. He is the only one that can stop his drug use, and nothing you do, will change that. It can be so hard to accept that we can't
Although it doesn't help your heart at the moment, you have the sanctuary of your own home, to keep you and your daughter safe. You both deserve better than what your partner is offering for now. I had to step back from my son, Helen, to protect my own well-being. Like your husband, he is on a prescription for heroin use, and continuous to use. My son doesn't have a thought about anyone, or anything, other than drug use, and where to get the money for drugs. I haven't seen him for a year now, as I am not willing to put myself in the firing line, nor do I want a front row seat, to his self destruction. There comes a point, I believe, when we really must protect ourselves from this madness, or we get dragged into it.
Maybe it's time to step back Helen, and concentrate on yourself and your little girl. There's no "quick fix" unfortunately, but time will give you clarity. The phrase, "Fake it, til you make it", was helpful to me, and in time, I didn't have to "fake it" anymore.
Christmas is a magical time for children, and you can make it so, for your daughter.
Much Love
L xx
I'm so sorry to read of your heartache. I am also very relieved to read that your partner doesn't live with you, and you're little girl.
Like all of us Helen, you have flogged yourself to death, fighting a battle, that you could never hope to win. That is because, the battle wasn't yours to fight, it was your partners. He is the only one that can stop his drug use, and nothing you do, will change that. It can be so hard to accept that we can't
Although it doesn't help your heart at the moment, you have the sanctuary of your own home, to keep you and your daughter safe. You both deserve better than what your partner is offering for now. I had to step back from my son, Helen, to protect my own well-being. Like your husband, he is on a prescription for heroin use, and continuous to use. My son doesn't have a thought about anyone, or anything, other than drug use, and where to get the money for drugs. I haven't seen him for a year now, as I am not willing to put myself in the firing line, nor do I want a front row seat, to his self destruction. There comes a point, I believe, when we really must protect ourselves from this madness, or we get dragged into it.
Maybe it's time to step back Helen, and concentrate on yourself and your little girl. There's no "quick fix" unfortunately, but time will give you clarity. The phrase, "Fake it, til you make it", was helpful to me, and in time, I didn't have to "fake it" anymore.
Christmas is a magical time for children, and you can make it so, for your daughter.
Much Love
L xx
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
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lonely2808
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2021 1:19 pm
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Hiya Helen
Im in a similar situation with my son so i know how you are feeling i have had drug dealers at my door and another person that wasnt very nice , i think there comes a time when we have to give up trying to help them and just let them help themselves its him that is choosing to take the drugs and not wanting the help { my son doesnt want help either he likes taking cocaine ) so for me its a case of stepping back and let him get on with it , im not surw what else to say but your not alone and im sending a virtual hug your way
Take Care
L
Im in a similar situation with my son so i know how you are feeling i have had drug dealers at my door and another person that wasnt very nice , i think there comes a time when we have to give up trying to help them and just let them help themselves its him that is choosing to take the drugs and not wanting the help { my son doesnt want help either he likes taking cocaine ) so for me its a case of stepping back and let him get on with it , im not surw what else to say but your not alone and im sending a virtual hug your way
Take Care
L
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1270
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Hi Helen if I have learned nothing else in famanon I have learned I have no control over people places and things ..
It’s my daughter who is the addict what a beautiful girl 6ft tall long blond curls falling down her shoulders very beautiful and femine ...
My heart was torn out over 25 years ago when she started on the horrific illness of addiction which has lead eventually to heroin injection...
She is a former shadow of herself and the language is unrepeatable....
She is not my girl anymore that girl has gone the drugs have taken over completely now soul destroying doesn’t cover it ...
Like you I tried everything 8 rehabs and treatment centres she walked out them all some I paid for some paid for with the local authority they housed her I bought her so many clothes best of food curtains bedspreads beds so many mobile phones ....the list infnium ....I even went to college to learn psychology so I could try reversed psychology nothing worked even a beautiful little miracle granddaughter 8 years ago truly a miracle she is an amazing little girl .... I have tried so hard to keep her out of the care system I honestly can’t believe it all it’s as if it’s happening to someone else not me... My girl died 2 years ago on purpose with an overdose she didn’t want to live anymore ... they brought her back with the heart pads 3 times ..... How do I tell my little granddaughter her mum and dad are chronic heroin addicts ....
I have another illness like poetry Christmas is just another day I have a lovely Xmas tree it has everything 5ft green with snow lEd and fibre optic lights berries and snow with a star
on top
I have not seen or heard from my daughter for over a year now ....don’t know where she is
My other small family has been so badly affected no one talks to each other ..
So I will be spending Christmas Day alone at peace would rather have that than the chaos unbearable insidious behaviour of the addict which brought me to my knees financially emotionally physical and spiritually am free thanks to famanon ...The sign of insanity is repeating the same behaviour time and time again expecting a different result ....it gets worse never better unless the addict wants it more than anything else in this world ... Thank god I did 22 years now ..... not easy but it can be done one day at a time ...
And you know it’s not about the addict anymore it’s about me now ... I have given myself permission to feel happy joyous and free ...Which is the best Christmas present ever
Bless you all in fellowship and please please keep it all in the day
Yours in fellowship
Lesleerose
It’s my daughter who is the addict what a beautiful girl 6ft tall long blond curls falling down her shoulders very beautiful and femine ...
My heart was torn out over 25 years ago when she started on the horrific illness of addiction which has lead eventually to heroin injection...
She is a former shadow of herself and the language is unrepeatable....
She is not my girl anymore that girl has gone the drugs have taken over completely now soul destroying doesn’t cover it ...
Like you I tried everything 8 rehabs and treatment centres she walked out them all some I paid for some paid for with the local authority they housed her I bought her so many clothes best of food curtains bedspreads beds so many mobile phones ....the list infnium ....I even went to college to learn psychology so I could try reversed psychology nothing worked even a beautiful little miracle granddaughter 8 years ago truly a miracle she is an amazing little girl .... I have tried so hard to keep her out of the care system I honestly can’t believe it all it’s as if it’s happening to someone else not me... My girl died 2 years ago on purpose with an overdose she didn’t want to live anymore ... they brought her back with the heart pads 3 times ..... How do I tell my little granddaughter her mum and dad are chronic heroin addicts ....
I have another illness like poetry Christmas is just another day I have a lovely Xmas tree it has everything 5ft green with snow lEd and fibre optic lights berries and snow with a star
on top I have not seen or heard from my daughter for over a year now ....don’t know where she is
My other small family has been so badly affected no one talks to each other ..
So I will be spending Christmas Day alone at peace would rather have that than the chaos unbearable insidious behaviour of the addict which brought me to my knees financially emotionally physical and spiritually am free thanks to famanon ...The sign of insanity is repeating the same behaviour time and time again expecting a different result ....it gets worse never better unless the addict wants it more than anything else in this world ... Thank god I did 22 years now ..... not easy but it can be done one day at a time ...
And you know it’s not about the addict anymore it’s about me now ... I have given myself permission to feel happy joyous and free ...Which is the best Christmas present ever
Bless you all in fellowship and please please keep it all in the day
Yours in fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Helen
You have been through enough. There is no more that you can do, other than choose to continue and destroy your life and the hopes and the peace of mind of your little daughter.
Your story is all our stories, although details differ.
My son pawned his and his wife's wedding rings, which she left on the soap dish in the bathroom, from under her nose one day. My heart breaks every time I think of that poor girl and how much she believed in my son and the filthy way he treated her.
No. Your partner's mother is not between a rock and a hard place. She can walk out of that trap she is in, leaving both the rock and a hard place and choosing a better route. She just has to find the will to do it, as I hope that you you may do, even though it is desperately hard.
It does not surprise me that your partner sold your special present to him. They would sell granny for glue if they needed a fix.
Men who make comments of an adverse nature about women's appearance are misogynistic b........
I'm not sure if your daughter would have heard that, and anyway she is young, but do you really want a father having that attitude to girls and women. Sorry. I have a bit of a thing about this, but whether the comment was made about your appearance or about something else, it is brutal and abusive.
If he wants to change he can, but your support isn't going to make him change. Please, please protect yourself, and find a little bt of magic for yourself and your child, even if it is simply a bit of peace away from this dreadful man. Again, he is dreadful because he is using drugs, and it is up to him if he ever wants to rediscover the better person whom he is harbouring inside. P
You have been through enough. There is no more that you can do, other than choose to continue and destroy your life and the hopes and the peace of mind of your little daughter.
Your story is all our stories, although details differ.
My son pawned his and his wife's wedding rings, which she left on the soap dish in the bathroom, from under her nose one day. My heart breaks every time I think of that poor girl and how much she believed in my son and the filthy way he treated her.
No. Your partner's mother is not between a rock and a hard place. She can walk out of that trap she is in, leaving both the rock and a hard place and choosing a better route. She just has to find the will to do it, as I hope that you you may do, even though it is desperately hard.
It does not surprise me that your partner sold your special present to him. They would sell granny for glue if they needed a fix.
Men who make comments of an adverse nature about women's appearance are misogynistic b........
I'm not sure if your daughter would have heard that, and anyway she is young, but do you really want a father having that attitude to girls and women. Sorry. I have a bit of a thing about this, but whether the comment was made about your appearance or about something else, it is brutal and abusive.
If he wants to change he can, but your support isn't going to make him change. Please, please protect yourself, and find a little bt of magic for yourself and your child, even if it is simply a bit of peace away from this dreadful man. Again, he is dreadful because he is using drugs, and it is up to him if he ever wants to rediscover the better person whom he is harbouring inside. P
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
"No. Your partner's mother is not between a rock and a hard place. She can walk out of that trap she is in, leaving both the rock and a hard place and choosing a better route. She just has to find the will to do it, as I hope that you you may do, even though it is desperately hard"
Totally agree with what Poetry states here. In no way is it acceptable for a mother to support that kind of behaviour from her son. To accept it, enables it to continue.
However, you can stop it Helen.
Much Love
L x
Totally agree with what Poetry states here. In no way is it acceptable for a mother to support that kind of behaviour from her son. To accept it, enables it to continue.
However, you can stop it Helen.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Hi All ,
I identify with alot of the things written here.
I seem to find addiction (and therefore the active addict) likes to take control of those around them often by emotional blackmail. Some of what I feel have been my most unhelpful decisions to myself ( and to him) have been made in terrifying emotional " damned if you do, damned if you dont" moments. So as much as I can I try to take some time and centre myself before acting or think of my boundaries before being thrown into chaos. Christmas is a bit like that for me.
Christmas is a time which has been ruined many years . Last year was somewhat better and this year the boundaries will be even firmer from my end. I dont care what day it is, what special/ happy time we areal supposed to have I am not going to be emotionally blackmailed into giving money or tolerating the unacceptable just to keep some sort of pretend peace. If he behaves poorly in the run up , he will be told he isn't welcome and also told how unacceptable it is.
A few years ago mine pawned his dead grandfathers watch that had been given to him , he then told me as he wanted me to pay to get it out. As much as I really really wanted to give him the money to retrieve it I didn't . Mainly because I could see that this was a path that could be never ending and would just end up in him pawning things and possibly stealing things of value from family members in the hope we would be so upset we would get them back.
Fortunately in some way the fact that his grandfather would never have put up with this C**p I came to peace with the lesson I hoped he would learn by losing it.
Sending best wishes to all
Lost
I identify with alot of the things written here.
I seem to find addiction (and therefore the active addict) likes to take control of those around them often by emotional blackmail. Some of what I feel have been my most unhelpful decisions to myself ( and to him) have been made in terrifying emotional " damned if you do, damned if you dont" moments. So as much as I can I try to take some time and centre myself before acting or think of my boundaries before being thrown into chaos. Christmas is a bit like that for me.
Christmas is a time which has been ruined many years . Last year was somewhat better and this year the boundaries will be even firmer from my end. I dont care what day it is, what special/ happy time we areal supposed to have I am not going to be emotionally blackmailed into giving money or tolerating the unacceptable just to keep some sort of pretend peace. If he behaves poorly in the run up , he will be told he isn't welcome and also told how unacceptable it is.
A few years ago mine pawned his dead grandfathers watch that had been given to him , he then told me as he wanted me to pay to get it out. As much as I really really wanted to give him the money to retrieve it I didn't . Mainly because I could see that this was a path that could be never ending and would just end up in him pawning things and possibly stealing things of value from family members in the hope we would be so upset we would get them back.
Fortunately in some way the fact that his grandfather would never have put up with this C**p I came to peace with the lesson I hoped he would learn by losing it.
Sending best wishes to all
Lost
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1270
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Thank you lost for a very powerful post ... just what I really needed ....
I haven’t heard from my addict daughter for a year now though sometimes it is worse that way am not sure ...
But bad news travels fast in the addicts world ..
I gave my addict daughter a beautiful gold AA pendant that I had had hand made with an emerald in the centre it was truly beautiful and expensive my girl was doing well at the time to try and encourage her this is only one of many items I have given her over the years bought all her food got her a flat etc £7000 for a treatment centre which I put myself in debt for ( I really resented the fact I could get this loan or I couldn’t have done it ) anyway she walked out and no refunds .... countless mobile phones ...to be honest nothing has worked I have received no birthday or Mother’s Day cards let alone Xmas so yes you are 100% correct no remorse no shame ...
The worst is she brought a beautiful little girl into the world and the tears I have cried especially over the last 2 years and the emotional pain is indescribable..
I know they are ill indeed gravely ill but if they really want to get well they can I talk through experience I am 22 years sober now but at 63 I seriously didn’t think my life would get to this ..
Hopefully come January I will be able to go get the wee one ( long story ) the law is an ass as they say ...
So Xmas I will be alone but I will be at a meeting Xmas night because with famanon and AA your never alone Xmas it’s just another day we all have to get through
Remember keep it in the day
Thank you so much lost I feel so much better non of this is my fault
Bless you all in fellowship
Lesleerose
I haven’t heard from my addict daughter for a year now though sometimes it is worse that way am not sure ...
But bad news travels fast in the addicts world ..
I gave my addict daughter a beautiful gold AA pendant that I had had hand made with an emerald in the centre it was truly beautiful and expensive my girl was doing well at the time to try and encourage her this is only one of many items I have given her over the years bought all her food got her a flat etc £7000 for a treatment centre which I put myself in debt for ( I really resented the fact I could get this loan or I couldn’t have done it ) anyway she walked out and no refunds .... countless mobile phones ...to be honest nothing has worked I have received no birthday or Mother’s Day cards let alone Xmas so yes you are 100% correct no remorse no shame ...
The worst is she brought a beautiful little girl into the world and the tears I have cried especially over the last 2 years and the emotional pain is indescribable..
I know they are ill indeed gravely ill but if they really want to get well they can I talk through experience I am 22 years sober now but at 63 I seriously didn’t think my life would get to this ..
Hopefully come January I will be able to go get the wee one ( long story ) the law is an ass as they say ...
So Xmas I will be alone but I will be at a meeting Xmas night because with famanon and AA your never alone Xmas it’s just another day we all have to get through
Remember keep it in the day
Thank you so much lost I feel so much better non of this is my fault
Bless you all in fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Very true Lesley, everyones circumstances are different (some in contact , some not) but the heartbreak of accepting the reality is the same painful place imo.
The same is true about money ...... they would bankrupt us if we let them. Money dosen't solve the problem, even when they tell us it will !!! . Rehab is expensive and is also not a guaranteed answer. The addict needs to do a good element of this on their own. The number of times mine has been offered help only not to follow through is incredible.SAying he would has became a way to try and get out of problems and get family off his back.
The guilt tripping to give them money is totally unacceptable. "But you have it" "But you can get it" "I need to borrow it" etc etc. Mine would have us all working flat out just to keep him in endless amounts of cocaine etc.
Yes , they are gravely ill. However that reason cannot be a tool to support the "illness' . I think of it like an allergy - if he was allergic to nuts then I wouldn't be giving him a bag of cashews!! . I probably sound crazy but thats how I am dealing with it at the moment.
Absolutely we are not alone, thank goodness for the fellowship (and your sobriety) . I am sending positive thoughts for you for January
Take care
Lost x
The same is true about money ...... they would bankrupt us if we let them. Money dosen't solve the problem, even when they tell us it will !!! . Rehab is expensive and is also not a guaranteed answer. The addict needs to do a good element of this on their own. The number of times mine has been offered help only not to follow through is incredible.SAying he would has became a way to try and get out of problems and get family off his back.
The guilt tripping to give them money is totally unacceptable. "But you have it" "But you can get it" "I need to borrow it" etc etc. Mine would have us all working flat out just to keep him in endless amounts of cocaine etc.
Yes , they are gravely ill. However that reason cannot be a tool to support the "illness' . I think of it like an allergy - if he was allergic to nuts then I wouldn't be giving him a bag of cashews!! . I probably sound crazy but thats how I am dealing with it at the moment.
Absolutely we are not alone, thank goodness for the fellowship (and your sobriety) . I am sending positive thoughts for you for January
Take care
Lost x
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Somehow, it's not the money is it. It's when they pawn a grandfather's watch, or a beautiful AA pendant, given with love and in the hope of of cleanliness and sobriety. I have no idea what my son got rid of in terms of presents we gave him, but thankfully he hadn't been gifted with anything from the family, although there aren't any heirlooms to speak of.
Just over 3 years ago, when we had him accommodated near to us, it was his birthday and my husband met him in the big city nearby, for a birthday cup of tea. I sent two or three little presents along, nothing of any value, but all sourced to reflect my son's interests. There was a row with his father as they walked along a street in town, and he threw my presents into the gutter. Husband retrieved them.
I can't remember the language used towards his father on that occasion, but he phoned me and told me what happened, husband that is, and I said, "Come straight home of course." I made sure that I listened for the car at the end of the road and I had the front door wide open and a welcoming light on.
You can't give these people anything. That is the truth of the matter. It will be flung into the metaphorical gutter. I put the presents id sourced into a drawer in a big unit in my bedroom. They will always be there to remind me that I was that mother. P.
Just over 3 years ago, when we had him accommodated near to us, it was his birthday and my husband met him in the big city nearby, for a birthday cup of tea. I sent two or three little presents along, nothing of any value, but all sourced to reflect my son's interests. There was a row with his father as they walked along a street in town, and he threw my presents into the gutter. Husband retrieved them.
I can't remember the language used towards his father on that occasion, but he phoned me and told me what happened, husband that is, and I said, "Come straight home of course." I made sure that I listened for the car at the end of the road and I had the front door wide open and a welcoming light on.
You can't give these people anything. That is the truth of the matter. It will be flung into the metaphorical gutter. I put the presents id sourced into a drawer in a big unit in my bedroom. They will always be there to remind me that I was that mother. P.
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1270
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
This happened to me also poetry in the earlier days of my daughters addiction I would take her for food shopping pretending to be ok I wasn’t her addiction was wearing me down so badly I could feel my shoulders rounding ...
I bought her the good brands Kellogg’s good pizza steak sausage steak mince etc in the hope she would want better for herself it was like taking a child round a sweetie shop trying to contain her outbursts eventually she threw the whole shopping trolley at me and marched out ....
I could feel the tears coming as I tried to pick up the groceries to put them back a kindly ( the kindness of strangers ) security guard saw my plight and picked up the trolley he had seen everything and offered to save me the embarrassment by offering to put the groceries back for me i thanked him and left the shop ....
Another time a friend of mine whose daughter was on the same path as my addict broke down and sobbed with her daughter present her addict daughter went to put her arm around her mother to console her and at the same time she was putting her other hand into her mothers handbag to steal her purse dear god ...
This lady couldn’t let go she has had cancer her daughter just lies around the house extremely fat now with the methadone and whatever else she takes ...
I thank god and famanon I have been able to let go as I live in a peaceful home with plenty of prayer...
My friends house as they say the illness is dripping from the curtains it’s truly heartbreaking....
I believe what happens in the mind can come out in the body we were never expected to come through this continual emotional pain shock after shock but not now thank god ...
I also believe we on here come through a pain barrier no human being should have to cross no matter what side of this illness you are on ....
I think it’s always worth remembering it’s no good for ourselves or the addict to enable them they have to decide on recovery for themselves...
Also I always try to keep everything in the day 24 hours sometimes 30 mins at a time ...
I had an appointment yesterday and I broke down and sobbed and sobbed tears streaming down my eyes I have learned not to stop this as it’s releasing the emotional pain inside ...
Not sure what the interview people thought though jings but they were very nice
So allow yourself to grieve as when our children become addicts it’s not them anymore something the drugs takes over my daughter died a very long time ago she is not the girl I brought into the world ...
Bless you all in fellowship
Lesleerose
I bought her the good brands Kellogg’s good pizza steak sausage steak mince etc in the hope she would want better for herself it was like taking a child round a sweetie shop trying to contain her outbursts eventually she threw the whole shopping trolley at me and marched out ....
I could feel the tears coming as I tried to pick up the groceries to put them back a kindly ( the kindness of strangers ) security guard saw my plight and picked up the trolley he had seen everything and offered to save me the embarrassment by offering to put the groceries back for me i thanked him and left the shop ....
Another time a friend of mine whose daughter was on the same path as my addict broke down and sobbed with her daughter present her addict daughter went to put her arm around her mother to console her and at the same time she was putting her other hand into her mothers handbag to steal her purse dear god ...
This lady couldn’t let go she has had cancer her daughter just lies around the house extremely fat now with the methadone and whatever else she takes ...
I thank god and famanon I have been able to let go as I live in a peaceful home with plenty of prayer...
My friends house as they say the illness is dripping from the curtains it’s truly heartbreaking....
I believe what happens in the mind can come out in the body we were never expected to come through this continual emotional pain shock after shock but not now thank god ...
I also believe we on here come through a pain barrier no human being should have to cross no matter what side of this illness you are on ....
I think it’s always worth remembering it’s no good for ourselves or the addict to enable them they have to decide on recovery for themselves...
Also I always try to keep everything in the day 24 hours sometimes 30 mins at a time ...
I had an appointment yesterday and I broke down and sobbed and sobbed tears streaming down my eyes I have learned not to stop this as it’s releasing the emotional pain inside ...
Not sure what the interview people thought though jings but they were very nice
So allow yourself to grieve as when our children become addicts it’s not them anymore something the drugs takes over my daughter died a very long time ago she is not the girl I brought into the world ...
Bless you all in fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: This is the season to not be jolly. How can addiction win over us
Yes, as ever Leslee, there are some kind strangers around, and increasingly, I'm learning to let that in part compensate me for what my son has done.
I used to teach teenagers, a handful of whom are in their late thirties now, unbelievably. One or two of these girls are unfailingly loyal to me, and whereas at one point I used to fantasise that my son might attend my funeral, and the girls would all round on him and tell him what a wonderful mother he had had, now, I just rejoice that they are such good women and that we love one another almost like mother and daughters.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend who has cancer, and isn't able to do anything about her daughter. There isn't a day goes by when I don't count my blessings. There are so many.
I count one of my biggest blessings the fact that I knew when to quit with my son. My youngest son continued to try to help him for another three years, only to have to give up. I can see that I made the right decision at the right time. Since I gave up, I've had three years of a relatively peaceful existence, and some happy and fulfilled days.
Physical illness often comes in the wake of huge psychological trauma. I've just been helping one of these late thirties girls I spoke of above, who's had to face horrifying things from her childhood, and has developed chronic fatigue with fibromyalgia.
I have an ME diagnosis which dates back thirty years now, so I cannot attribute that to my son's behaviour, but certainly, when he was hard at it, I was not much much iller physically then I can usually expect to be.
We should all bear in mind that their addiction can make us either physically or mentally il, with conditions
which are brought on by stress, or physical conditions already present which can be made much worse. We do not deserve this. It is beyond the pale.
Keep it within the day, indeed, and I always find it best to reflect, at bedtime, on any moment of joy, or peace, or just even a television programme I enjoyed.
You are right to let the tears flow, Leslee, if that's what they need to do. People can be so understanding. P.
I used to teach teenagers, a handful of whom are in their late thirties now, unbelievably. One or two of these girls are unfailingly loyal to me, and whereas at one point I used to fantasise that my son might attend my funeral, and the girls would all round on him and tell him what a wonderful mother he had had, now, I just rejoice that they are such good women and that we love one another almost like mother and daughters.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend who has cancer, and isn't able to do anything about her daughter. There isn't a day goes by when I don't count my blessings. There are so many.
I count one of my biggest blessings the fact that I knew when to quit with my son. My youngest son continued to try to help him for another three years, only to have to give up. I can see that I made the right decision at the right time. Since I gave up, I've had three years of a relatively peaceful existence, and some happy and fulfilled days.
Physical illness often comes in the wake of huge psychological trauma. I've just been helping one of these late thirties girls I spoke of above, who's had to face horrifying things from her childhood, and has developed chronic fatigue with fibromyalgia.
I have an ME diagnosis which dates back thirty years now, so I cannot attribute that to my son's behaviour, but certainly, when he was hard at it, I was not much much iller physically then I can usually expect to be.
We should all bear in mind that their addiction can make us either physically or mentally il, with conditions
which are brought on by stress, or physical conditions already present which can be made much worse. We do not deserve this. It is beyond the pale.
Keep it within the day, indeed, and I always find it best to reflect, at bedtime, on any moment of joy, or peace, or just even a television programme I enjoyed.
You are right to let the tears flow, Leslee, if that's what they need to do. People can be so understanding. P.