Hi FM
I'm pleased that your daughter is doing well - long may it continue!
It's normal to have worries about what the future holds , however it will drive you insane doing so.
"Exhaustion is the result when I use my energy in mulling over the past with regret, or in trying to figure ways to escape a future that has yet to arrive. Projecting an image of the future, and anxiously hovering over it, for fear that it will or it won't come true uses all of my energy and leaves me unable to live today. Yet living today is the only way to have a life."
Take each day.
Much Love
L x
Still here
Re: Still here
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Re: Still here
Kmum
Wonderful. Do keep us in touch. P.
Wonderful. Do keep us in touch. P.
Re: Still here
Hi all,
Thank you! Your words are heeded, I am indeed living a day at a time, and trying not to think ahead. The ball is firmly in her court, and she knows I won’t be as tolerant again.
She is attending regular NA meetings and has her Mental Health Team for support.
I’m going to live MY life now, and enjoy the peace!
I will still be looking out for you all on here and praying for your miracles to come. I’m so grateful to have found you all.
Much love
KM
Thank you! Your words are heeded, I am indeed living a day at a time, and trying not to think ahead. The ball is firmly in her court, and she knows I won’t be as tolerant again.
She is attending regular NA meetings and has her Mental Health Team for support.
I’m going to live MY life now, and enjoy the peace!
I will still be looking out for you all on here and praying for your miracles to come. I’m so grateful to have found you all.
Much love
KM
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dramaqueen
- Posts: 403
- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm
Re: Still here
Great news KM. I hope your daughter stays clean and carries on doing well. Great that she has the support of a mental health team and 12 step programme because it’s facing life on life’s terms without the escapism of drugs that will be her ongoing challenge; that and emotional self regulation. NA will give her a lot of peer support in that.
Go out and enjoy your life now!
DQ
Go out and enjoy your life now!
DQ
Re: Still here
Hi all
It’s been a while, but all is well. Daughter continues to do well, has started her new job and seems happy. I’ve taken up a new hobby that I’ve wanted to do for years, and life is good.
I’m always grateful when I get a message, usually some silly thing that the dog has done, Or a beautiful sunset over the beach. We don’t chat much, but that’s just fine for now. I’m sure she’s working hard at getting some kind of new normal, so I’m staying in the background.
I hope you are all ok. It seems pretty quiet on here, which I’m happy about. Praying that you are all having a peaceful time.
Much love to you all.
KM
It’s been a while, but all is well. Daughter continues to do well, has started her new job and seems happy. I’ve taken up a new hobby that I’ve wanted to do for years, and life is good.
I’m always grateful when I get a message, usually some silly thing that the dog has done, Or a beautiful sunset over the beach. We don’t chat much, but that’s just fine for now. I’m sure she’s working hard at getting some kind of new normal, so I’m staying in the background.
I hope you are all ok. It seems pretty quiet on here, which I’m happy about. Praying that you are all having a peaceful time.
Much love to you all.
KM
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Still here
Dearest KM
I am so very happy to see your girl is doing well
And you have peace and also your hobby you always wanted to do
Thank you for sharing with us your good news
Please keep us posted
Yours in fellowship
Lesleyrose
I am so very happy to see your girl is doing well
And you have peace and also your hobby you always wanted to do
Thank you for sharing with us your good news
Please keep us posted
Yours in fellowship
Lesleyrose
Re: Still here
Thank you Lesleerose, your support has been invaluable to me, and everyone on here!
I’m so grateful that my girl is getting herself out of the hole, but I’m not foolish enough to think we won’t have hiccups somewhere. Just hoping for the best on that one!
Without your support I don’t know where I’d be, mentally, now. I was slipping down into the hole with her and you all gave me the strength to step away and let her find her way. I know I’m very blessed that she is trying so hard and wish the same for all of you. We all have our demons… it’s how you face them that counts. You all helped me see that.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I’m so grateful that my girl is getting herself out of the hole, but I’m not foolish enough to think we won’t have hiccups somewhere. Just hoping for the best on that one!
Without your support I don’t know where I’d be, mentally, now. I was slipping down into the hole with her and you all gave me the strength to step away and let her find her way. I know I’m very blessed that she is trying so hard and wish the same for all of you. We all have our demons… it’s how you face them that counts. You all helped me see that.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Re: Still here
Kmum
Your words above have made every single second of time that I've taken to post on here, since I had to give up hope that my own child would recover, worthwhile in abundance.
Much love. P x
Your words above have made every single second of time that I've taken to post on here, since I had to give up hope that my own child would recover, worthwhile in abundance.
Much love. P x
Re: Still here
Poetry
Bless you I love you.
. I have no more to say right now.
Bless you I love you.
. I have no more to say right now.Re: Still here
Ok, sooo…. Poetry, Lesleerose. And all of you.
My girl is doing great. I’m so proud of her.
My eldest has recently text me that she’s not doing so well. Ffs….just when you think it’s going well.
.
She’s a 30yr old autistic Transgender woman, who the doctors won’t accept as trans, buying her hormones online, smoking cannabis and using alcohol as a blotter. I live 400 miles away from her. She’s in. ‘demand avoidance’ mode! Whatever the fk that is! I rang her doctor to help her, but she won’t answer the phone, or the door for an appointment. What can they do? They gave me crisis line number, but she can’t use the phone. Ffs!
I told her I did what I can from here, but she needs to answer the phone, she told me to just get Fu.ked and hope my conscience is clear. I deleted my response to her, which she will see I did, as it was a bit heartfelt and I figured she needed compassion but it wasn’t at all compassionate….. you fkn prk. Sure you get that.
but tbh, I’m all out for now.
So one is sorted, and here we go again !,, Ffs. You couldn’t write this shit!
My girl is doing great. I’m so proud of her.
My eldest has recently text me that she’s not doing so well. Ffs….just when you think it’s going well.
. She’s a 30yr old autistic Transgender woman, who the doctors won’t accept as trans, buying her hormones online, smoking cannabis and using alcohol as a blotter. I live 400 miles away from her. She’s in. ‘demand avoidance’ mode! Whatever the fk that is! I rang her doctor to help her, but she won’t answer the phone, or the door for an appointment. What can they do? They gave me crisis line number, but she can’t use the phone. Ffs!
I told her I did what I can from here, but she needs to answer the phone, she told me to just get Fu.ked and hope my conscience is clear. I deleted my response to her, which she will see I did, as it was a bit heartfelt and I figured she needed compassion but it wasn’t at all compassionate….. you fkn prk. Sure you get that.
but tbh, I’m all out for now.
So one is sorted, and here we go again !,, Ffs. You couldn’t write this shit!
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Still here
Dearest KMum
Time to cut all contact your daughter has far to many mental health problems you are totally powerless the drugs and alcohol have there grip on her
Your soooo right you really couldn’t make it up my addict is working in a sauna now I wonder what she is doing there but hey ho the ppl on here told me to block then delete and the peace just for today is fantastic let go now and keep posting
Yours in fellowship
Lesleerose
Time to cut all contact your daughter has far to many mental health problems you are totally powerless the drugs and alcohol have there grip on her
Your soooo right you really couldn’t make it up my addict is working in a sauna now I wonder what she is doing there but hey ho the ppl on here told me to block then delete and the peace just for today is fantastic let go now and keep posting
Yours in fellowship
Lesleerose
Re: Still here
Hi Kmum,
It's like the sh*t just keeps piling on, isn't it. It's a difficult situation with your daughter, as you can't do anything there but advise - and due to demand avoidance, she won't heed that advice. She's going to find life very tough, as we all have to do things we may not like, or want to do, without kicking off about it, or telling someone to get f*cked. If she's not going to engage - it's position static Kmum.
You could run yourself into the ground, but it won't make any difference. I know that doesn't make it any easier to bear for you, but your hands are tied.
Oh to be up a mountain, in a wee cave, away from the lot of it eh.
Much Love
L x
It's like the sh*t just keeps piling on, isn't it. It's a difficult situation with your daughter, as you can't do anything there but advise - and due to demand avoidance, she won't heed that advice. She's going to find life very tough, as we all have to do things we may not like, or want to do, without kicking off about it, or telling someone to get f*cked. If she's not going to engage - it's position static Kmum.
You could run yourself into the ground, but it won't make any difference. I know that doesn't make it any easier to bear for you, but your hands are tied.
Oh to be up a mountain, in a wee cave, away from the lot of it eh.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
Re: Still here
Hello Kmum.
Your anger is very obvious, and you have an absolute right to it. It will do you good. However, I do know how much sadness and frustration the anger masks. I think anger is a self protective mechanism, and I sometimes wish that my anger with my addicted son had lasted rather longer, as it sort of kept me safe from the pain.
Cliche as it is, you have to let it go, and concentrate on your own life, and of course at the moment that entails being so pleased that your other daughter has done as well as she has. Try to cling on to those much more positive thoughts, and without comparing children, remember that recovery is possible.
If your daughter chooses not to engage, then so be it. That is what she wants. I've come to realise that what my oldest son wants is to live his life on benefits, taking as many drugs as he possibly can, sponging off well intentioned people who try to help him, using food banks and community kitchens which other, much more deserving people need, and claiming disability living allowance on the grounds of some imaginary disability. It took me a long time to accept that my own flesh and blood has made these choices. His choices. But he has.
I find it abhorrent and well nigh believable, but it is finally dawning on me that he's made these choices and claims to be happy. FFS.
As LM says, it's so very hard, and I do understand that, but we just have to keep plodding ever onwards and finding whatever little bit of joy there might be in any given day. I do hope that you can accept that at the moment there's nothing that you can do. I also have begun to feel that they should be allowed the dignity of making their own disgusting choices. Love P.
Your anger is very obvious, and you have an absolute right to it. It will do you good. However, I do know how much sadness and frustration the anger masks. I think anger is a self protective mechanism, and I sometimes wish that my anger with my addicted son had lasted rather longer, as it sort of kept me safe from the pain.
Cliche as it is, you have to let it go, and concentrate on your own life, and of course at the moment that entails being so pleased that your other daughter has done as well as she has. Try to cling on to those much more positive thoughts, and without comparing children, remember that recovery is possible.
If your daughter chooses not to engage, then so be it. That is what she wants. I've come to realise that what my oldest son wants is to live his life on benefits, taking as many drugs as he possibly can, sponging off well intentioned people who try to help him, using food banks and community kitchens which other, much more deserving people need, and claiming disability living allowance on the grounds of some imaginary disability. It took me a long time to accept that my own flesh and blood has made these choices. His choices. But he has.
I find it abhorrent and well nigh believable, but it is finally dawning on me that he's made these choices and claims to be happy. FFS.
As LM says, it's so very hard, and I do understand that, but we just have to keep plodding ever onwards and finding whatever little bit of joy there might be in any given day. I do hope that you can accept that at the moment there's nothing that you can do. I also have begun to feel that they should be allowed the dignity of making their own disgusting choices. Love P.
Re: Still here
Hi all,
I’m a little embarrassed by my sweary outburst, but it had to go somewhere. Thank you all for your kind support.
I haven’t heard any more from the eldest, so just going to leave it at that. I rang someone close to her and they said she’s had a food order delivered, so I guess she had to answer the door for that! I’m done with her, it’s been a 30 year struggle with that one and no hope.
The one you all know about…. She’s good. She has left her job, because she was getting led astray by her new work colleagues. Two nights out and going down that slippery slope again. She saw it, and had the good sense to leave. I’m so proud of her for that, even if it has made her homeless and unemployed again. At least she’s clean.
She’ll do!
. I can help her now.
I hope you are all well. Xxx. Lots of love. Xx
I’m a little embarrassed by my sweary outburst, but it had to go somewhere. Thank you all for your kind support.
I haven’t heard any more from the eldest, so just going to leave it at that. I rang someone close to her and they said she’s had a food order delivered, so I guess she had to answer the door for that! I’m done with her, it’s been a 30 year struggle with that one and no hope.
The one you all know about…. She’s good. She has left her job, because she was getting led astray by her new work colleagues. Two nights out and going down that slippery slope again. She saw it, and had the good sense to leave. I’m so proud of her for that, even if it has made her homeless and unemployed again. At least she’s clean.
She’ll do!
. I can help her now. I hope you are all well. Xxx. Lots of love. Xx
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Still here
Dearest Kmum
Keep an open mind here honestly they are so very clever …
I hope your girl is getting to meetings I have been told mine is looking extremely well and she is working in a sauna think her drug of choice has changed to coke sauna it’s easy money
Prostitution for sure I know she has done it before but I don’t judge she has to get her drugs she needs them she doesn’t need me or her little girl
It’s been really painful today regarding the wee one I want to go get her but am still in recovery from cancer …
I feel so very alone I have had to come through that alone ..
Daughters couldn’t care less think the older one is narcissistic has been for a long time … She is a staff nurse believe it or not she and her 28 year old daughter are the same …just ghost me for over 15 years now … I couldn’t do that to anyone especially a mum and gran who had been very good and nice to you I seriously don’t get it …
Younger daughter is the addict
I honestly feel so very alone just now it’s painful…
I am criticising at my AA meetings because I am unwell and I know it’s wrong but am so very lost just now .. a very nosy person asked me questions about my private life instead of answering with questions I told the truth then hated me for being so stupid …
Yours in fellowship
Lesleerose
Keep an open mind here honestly they are so very clever …
I hope your girl is getting to meetings I have been told mine is looking extremely well and she is working in a sauna think her drug of choice has changed to coke sauna it’s easy money
Prostitution for sure I know she has done it before but I don’t judge she has to get her drugs she needs them she doesn’t need me or her little girl
It’s been really painful today regarding the wee one I want to go get her but am still in recovery from cancer …
I feel so very alone I have had to come through that alone ..
Daughters couldn’t care less think the older one is narcissistic has been for a long time … She is a staff nurse believe it or not she and her 28 year old daughter are the same …just ghost me for over 15 years now … I couldn’t do that to anyone especially a mum and gran who had been very good and nice to you I seriously don’t get it …
Younger daughter is the addict
I honestly feel so very alone just now it’s painful…
I am criticising at my AA meetings because I am unwell and I know it’s wrong but am so very lost just now .. a very nosy person asked me questions about my private life instead of answering with questions I told the truth then hated me for being so stupid …
Yours in fellowship
Lesleerose