Still here

[dramaqueen]

Hi all

I have just read this thread with interest. Only the other day I was talking to my eldest (and sensible) son who is 23. His two younger brothers are both on drugs and have given me a really hard time for the past 4 years. My eldest son said that he thinks that the sense of entitlement of his generation is due to parenting methods we have been told to use.

I called in support from every direction and attended a course at CAMHS with monthly support sessions afterwards. This course was only for parents of the most difficult children and it taught “connection before correction”; punitive consequences don’t work etc. I tried practising this and was told that I sounded like I was using the methods perfectly. What did this result in? My youngest son started dealing drugs big time and stole my identity. He got so abusive I had to evict him from my home.

My eldest son has found a website and podcast for me about empowering parents which talks about this sense of entitlement of the younger generation and how they don’t seem to appreciate the need for hard graft. I’m planning to listen to it because I need to feel empowered to give myself a break and live my own life. I had my first job at 15 and have always known that I am responsible for my own future. I have tried to enshrine that ethic in my kids but the only one who can see that is my eldest son - a 1 in 3 success rate

DQ

[lesleerose]

Hi again KMUM
Thank you for being you with real human emotions… I have to get an introvenus ( excuse the spelling ) treatment every 8 weeks for 2 years had 3 now so 7 to go … Leaves me shattered but i will get there I am basically cancer free this is just to take away anything that is left …
My daughters and one 29 year old granddaughter haven’t seen them they just don’t care so very sad maybe I spoiled them to much trying to compensate for the guilt when I got sober but I was ill they wanted for nothing… I would have loved to have had a mother like me mine didn’t like me but she was mentally ill too but an 8 year old child sees what an 8 year old sees … He still has my child not let me speak to her in nearly 4 years now hopefully that will soon change I honestly haven’t lost it once that’s a miracle because of famanon AA and the program of recovery .. softly softly catchy monkey .. a Spider was in my bath I thought of Robert the Bruce yes keep going .. managed to catch him under a glass and set him free same as me lol there is a moral there somewhere
Take care Kmum your a beautiful lady
Lesleerose

[LM66]

Hi DQ
Alot of the younger generation wouldn't know hard graft if it jumped up and bit them on the ass!
It's a kick in the ass they need! Disrespectful, selfish and entitled. Get out and work for it!
Adult children sponging off their parents right into their 30s for god sake. What is that all about!
I'll stop before I go off on a rant!
Much Love
L x

[Poetry]

As parents we shouldn't be hard on ourselves. It's the most difficult job I have ever done, and I have walked into numerous classes full of stubborn, resistant, mouthy teenagers. That was a cake walk compared with this. Wonder what a cake walk actually is? I looked at once and I've forgotten......

The fact that's your eldest son has got it, DQ, means that it is not your parenting technique which is responsible.

Not everyone would agree with me, but I think that character is innate, and we overestimate how influential we are as parents. Having three fairly mature adult children now, I feel that it is so much more about the choices which they make, based partly on their upbringing, but partly on simply, how they are as people.

Like you LM, I could stand on my soapbox and say so much about people's attitudes nowadays. When I was young, we would never have dreamed of criticising the older generation, because they were just untouchable. It was called respect for what they'd been through, and even if some of them seemed to be twerps, you always treated them as if they were older and wiser. Not so nowadays. I get sick to death of being told that I'm a baby boomer, and have had it easy. REALLY??!

Will stop now and put the kettle on. It's been a bit too hot in the South of England today to drink tea, but there's a lovely breeze now. P.

[Kmum]

Hi All.

Thank you all so much for reminding me that I’m not a failure.
LM, I love your rant!
DQ, you’re so right, these ‘kids’ have no morals or ethics, despite how we tried to instil them. I was brought up with a clip round the ear for disrespect, but no longer allowed. So we’ve been left with no parental ‘power’ and they have no respect. I dread to think what their kids will be like if they have any. Hopefully they won’t!
Congratulations on getting one right though! . That’s more than I did. The rest are a product of a bad government - not bad parents!
Lesleerose, you’re doing bloody great!!! Just concentrate on you and let the rest take care of themselves. Always here for you my friend.
Poetry, I agree with you!!
All this reminds me it’s NOT MY FAULT! I HAVE NOT FAILED! And neither have any of you.

Thank you for being here.
So much love
KM

[Kmum]

Cake walk?

[lesleerose]

Hi there KMUM
Lots of hugs and stuff you are getting so much stronger so well done it’s not easy …
They seem to have a massive sense of entitlement… I walked one and a half hours to school and the same back and I wasn’t alone .. they all get dropped off on the school run by car nowadays..
I wasn’t aware of being any different in that way ..
I went out and treated myself to a walk round some charity shops then the coffee shop and yes a piece of cake
When I was in there …there was a young couple both on their mobile phones the whole time I was there …
What does that tell me the art of communication is dying …
Honestly they looked like something out of the stepford wives ( robots )
Anyway glad to here your safe and well
Yes me too.
Lesleyrose

[Kmum]

Lesleerose

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s since the internet took over. They just don’t know how to communicate without using their thumbs on a keypad.

My eldest grand daughter is 10. She comes here with her phone and headphones and will curl up in a chair all day like that if I let her, which I don’t! She’s pale and sullen, then we get outside and play hide and seek with the little ones and run about in the woods or fields, she comes alive! I’m lucky enough to have this all around me, we spend most of our time outdoors, even in the rain!
I can see that she rarely goes out at home. It’s so sad.

My childhood was hard, but all the kids on the estate were shut out of the house all day and we found our pecking order by having a scrap, and natural order surrounded us. Our friendships have lasted a lifetime. Now it’s total defamation on-line for the world to see. No wonder they’re so screwed up. They have no real friends any more, just ‘likes’ on a screen.

I think ours was the last ‘real’ generation.

Love to all.
Km

[LM66]

Bang on ladies!
If you've a mind to, search you tube for a video called Look Up, by Gary Turk.
Wasn't sure if I'd be allowed to post the link, so I didn't
Much Love
L x

[Kmum]

My darling Lesleerose.

I hope you’re ok.

I’m so sorry, I haven’t posted since March! It’s been a hellish year at work, being a full time housekeeper/carer for my 88 year old boss, but she passed away in September. So sad, but happy release for her. I’m still housekeeper and the poor house has suffered badly the last 2 years or so. I’ve been very busy. (It’s a stately home, open to the public. like National trust, but privately owned, and I’m the only cleaner!!)

I recently had a birthday, and my youngest (the addict) was coming to see me. She decided it would be better for me to go and see her where she is now. She’s living with her partner’s parents and doing very well. She met her partner in rehab, so the parents know exactly how it is. They’re very lucky to have a beautiful home with locked gates and far from anywhere. So me and my sis, who they were living with, went up country to see them.

My kid is doing good. They have animals to look after, on their small holding. And they’ve taken up new hobbies, including looking for fossils on beaches, and adopted donkeys. She’s doing great.

Partners mother is talking about building raised beds next year for veggies, and enlisting my girl to help her. This gives me so much hope.

We had a blip in June, kid and her partner went on a binge and my sisters hubby kicked them out, so I’m very grateful to her ‘inlaws’ for giving them a last chance. And grateful to sis and Hubby for taking them in before this.

Isn’t it hellish when you can’t have them home! But no way, never again. I’ve told her this. She’s mostly good now. My birthday with them was a totally sober event, just ate too much!!

I hope you’ve finished your treatment now my darling rose. Sorry I’ve taken so long to get back on here.

[Kmum]

Thought March was a long time…. Just found July posts. Glad I’m not that crap. Xxx. Love you all. Xxx

[lesleerose]

Hi kmum
What a beautiful post for this time ( or for that matter) of year
Am loving it totally and even a donkey … did you know that every donkey has a cross on its back ….
It’s terrific your girl is in the country seeing and looking after the animals yes there is a lot of hope there for all of you yes we do recover …
Not so happy about you being the only person looking after such a large house surely they can get another couple of girls to help …
I haven’t heard anything from either daughter but in this game no news is good news … like you I couldn’t have addict daughter back in the house …
Well there was me recovering nicely from the cancer has been a tough few years living on chicken ding ( microwave ready meals ) as you know I have no one around me … then bang covid hit me hard ill for 6 weeks in hospital for a week so home now but covid is brutal and the recovery is slow … dearie me up until 4 years ago my health was terrific…
It was soooo good to hear from you kmum hopefully all will work out for you all but you must take care of you first …
Yours in famanon fellowship please keep posting
Lesleerose

[Kmum]

Hey all

Happy new Year everyone, hopefully this will be the best year yet!!

My Dot, (daughter… isn’t dot so much easier?j is doing sooo well. Her in law fam are totally brilliant. I had a really good chat with the GFs mum while I visited before Xmas. Gf being a recovering addict as well, made me feel safe. They’re looking after my dot better than I can. So I’m grateful beyond belief.

My eldest (trans tw#t queen bitch) is still blocked and I’m blocked too.) I sent no Xmas fund, which I normally would, and have heard nothing. Go your own way my lovely! I’m so sad though. That’s half my descending family gone from me. BUT… I’m not taking responsibility for it, because it’s her choice!

The good news is I’ve heard nothing, so she’s not dead. Heigh ho! No more to be done there, I’m blocked!

I hope you’re all ok and had a decent Christmas, ours was quiet but good.

Oh, and we had my hubby’s grandkids today….mine!!! They were bloody lovely! Their mum left several months ago… another coke addict, but recovering and now in another relationship which seems good. Their Dad, hubby’s boy is doing brilliantly! He’s such a good dad. The kids spent time over Xmas with their mum and bf and are happy. They were so good today. We giggled lots playing lots of games and then snakes &ladders… at the bottom of a snake, apparently you are pooh!
Manners were perfect and hide and seek in the woods is always fun. OMG ladies, life can be good.

Lots of love to you all and sending so much goodness your way.
Love you.
KM

[Kmum]

Oh, and Lesleerose, the house I work in is a family run place, there’s no money in the pot for extra staff, but it’s ok. I love my job. I’m my own boss and I rock at it!!! . That is MY house! xxx

[lesleerose]

Kmum you are one positive lady a bitter sweet post …like you I don’t speak to either daughter the addict daughter as you say must be alive though I haven’t got a clue where either one is … your a terrific gran with the children … we used to go up the snakes and down the ladders …
Was so good to here your girl is doing so well with her boyfriend’s family they will understand…
So a very happy new year to you kmum
Please keep posting we all need each other
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose