Am I being selfish

[ninzforever1]

this might be a long one , I’ll try keep it as brief , I’ve been with my partner of 10 years the first five years was great we where happy , then 5 years ago our 3 god children was taking into care due to there mums addiction, the judge decided it was best for the children to cut all ties witch destroyed me and my partner alough we have 3 children mine from a previous relationship, we would have our god children for days on end , they was like our own my partner could not cope he turned to cocaine I had no choice but be strong and carry on ,it was tough we where arguing almost everyday then I found out he cheated on me with my sister in law who would tell me to leave him and tell him the same , I was broken and lost i forgave him he promised to change come of the drugs I bet lived him and the past five years have been hell yes he would stop for week or two then back on it the come down was the worst could last 3 to 14 days solid the snapping name calling names I’m to ashamed to say , pulling me down in every way smashing our home lieing dept , but everything was my fault I’d try leave he would beg cry say he wanted to die he missed the kids that’s why I’d forgive and surport him time and time again but I’d stay I wanted what we had befor,the man I loved, he would stop and it be great finally we where going forward then it all started again over the years I became numb a shell of what I once was it dint stop he dint change the past 6 months got worse he was arguing with me to get a bag, taking money we dint have taking the car he brought for me the last straw was wthis week he took my car bank card my phone took everything , I just got paid I had almost no gas no propper food nothing in he spent the lot now he’s at his mums asked to come home I refused and won’t let him back may be when I see him getting clean going to surport groups but not untill I’m tired I’m warn out I’m going therapy and pushing my self in any jobs at home to stop me thinking and braking down I don’t no where this will end I don’t berlive he’ll go get help he said it too many time befor he’s done so much but never left me with nothing or trying to control or blackmail me befor his mum says If I still want us to work I have to do this and stick to it he needs to no what he’s lost but right now I’m not sure I will go back not even if gets help I need to help myself

[ninzforever1]

Every time we argue he makes it about him my voice is never heard I’m lost

[Poetry]

Hello ninz and you have most definitely found the right place in the forum. This is all about us, and it should never be seen as a way to rescue the addicts. That is down to them.

You've been through a horrific time. Everything you write in your post we hear on here over and over again. It is the same story. You seem to be at the stage where you know that you have to rescue yourself, but I'm so very sorry that you've been through all this, in order to get to that stage.

Please stick to your guns and don't allow your husband back in. I'm afraid that I don't have the practical advice which others on the forum can offer, about legal matters and so on, but what comes over strongly from your heartfelt bit of writing, is that you can't take it anymore, and that you now need to rescue yourself. I know that I speak for everybody else on here when I say that you are absolutely right, and we are here to help and support you every step of the way. We're not experts. We've just been through this, or are going through it ourselves.

Keep posting, and telling us about how you feel, pouring it all out if you like, and about any practical matters. I'm sure that it will sound as if the rest of us have got it all sorted, and haven't been through this hell, but we most certainly have!! P.

[lesleerose]

Hi Ninz and welcome to the forum this famanon forum is for you ..This is a nightmare which you can’t see at the moment … I was exactly the same I come on here for my addict daughter… The people on here loved me until I could love myself beautiful people who have been through similar to you …
The children have to come first here or the social work department will come to you next … Your sister in law and your partner have betrayed you in the worst possible way ..
No one or nothing makes the addict use drugs except themselves… The man you first new is gone and he is never coming back …. The drugs have taken over…please don’t have him back in your home it would take years for him to get well … And the success rate is small ..
Please take care of yourself call women’s aid you must eat and take care of number one …
Women’s aid are fantastic they will help with support counselling… can you get to a live famanon meeting or a zoom meeting admin can help
Please keep posting
Lesleerose

[LM66]

Hi NinZ

No, you are most definItely NOT being selfish. He has shown you that he is not prepared to stop using, so you have done the right thing by asking him to leave. You are protecting yourself and you children from his addiction.
Living with someone in active addiction is horrendous! Not an environment for you or the children to be in.
I know it's easy for me to say, but I would keep him out! You've been through enough. Take time now for you and the kids.
He will think nothing of leaving you penniless, as long as he has what he needs.
There comes a point when you have no more to give and you have to save yourself.

Much Love
L x