What to do now!!

[W_D_F]

I've not posted for some time as we were making SOME small progress however; it's recently kicked off like WW4 in the house.
I'd started getting suspicious again that he was back to secretly drinking so I started hunting for it - there was a time I'd stopped & thought "whatever, let him get on with it" but it just niggled me when he's in my face saying "I havn't had a drink for weeks, you & your 1 a week is more than me".
WELL, I found he's hiding place & that he's empties were being put directly in the bin bag or in he's car. He was in my face recently & id' had a bad day at work so confessed ALL that I'd found - he was horrified & beyond mad.

I've now been given a threat of "you don't trust my verbal word that I'm not drinking SO, I don't trust YOUR words that 23yrs ago when you had a lodger you weren't together and I want proof or I'm done with us"

He now won't speak to me, won't accept ANY apology off me (eventho I don't believe i need to, just an attempt to diffuse the situation), the atmosphere is unbearable.
IMO all because HE won't acknowledge HE'S BAHAVIOUR IS WRONG

[lesleerose]

Hi WDF
Your husband is in denial everything is going to be your fault …
You now have to look after number one
It doesn’t sound like he has any intention of stopping
Has he ever been to AA meetings or called the AA helpline
Until he is ready to get help there is absolutely nothing you can do it will be 2 steps forward and 10 steps back and he will take you down with him …I come on here for my addict daughter …
Please contact Al - Anon mainly for alcoholism…which is a sister fellowship of famanon mainly for drugs …and if you can give them a call on there helpline and get to a live meeting either way you will be made very welcome on either of these fellowships
Keep sharing you are no longer alone
Lesleerose

[kee700918]

Hi WDF

You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it, only he can.

Addicts are master manipulators, liars and will gaslight you to the point where you will question your own sanity.
There comes a point where you accept the unacceptable as normal. It's not until you are out of the toxic situation and able to look back and wonder why did you put up with it for so long.

There is a phrase 'dry drunk' whereby someone may abstain from their drug of choice but make no changes to their lifestyle, thought processes, behaviours and stressors. So they may relapse as they have not put in place a structure or support system to help them cope.

There is help available as Leslee outlines, he has to want it himself.

Keep posting, hugs x

[LM66]

Hi WDF

Your husband is deflecting as he's been found out to be drinking. Bringing something up from 23 years ago!! That's what you call desperate!
So, how do you prove that nothing happened with the lodger? 23 years ago!
I agree with the others, until he REALLY wants to quit drinking, he won't. He'll continue to deflect and blame everyone and their granny!
Concentrate on yourself. You can't help him, if he doesn't want to help himself.
Much Love
L x

[Poetry]

You are here on this forum to protect yourself from what is being done to you by an addict.

We have all been exactly where you are now, with stuff from the past being raked up, lies told, the blame being put on us, no empathy, no ability on their part to see that they are at fault, and the list goes on.

Hod. They are boring.

Please cut through his nonsense with the knife of self-respect, and stay on here. We will support you. P.