I am so very sad , I have had to finally accept I have done all I can to support my son and that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the fact, he is hell bent on self destruction. He has no idea of the true cost to his own life, that of his own child’s and to me… my Marriage is also falling apart because my husband, who is not his father, does not understand the extent of my grief. I feel alone and traumatised, but somehow I have to dig deep and be strong …
I am new to this forum and just wanted to say that I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know what you are going through as I am also going through this with my son. Drugs destroy people and families. My son is a ketamine addict and we have had 6 years of hell. He is laid in his room now saying he is in pain because he took ketamine earlier. He works for couple of weeks and then doesn’t bother going in. He is in so much debt and steals from us. It is relentless and has completely taken over our life. My husband said that he needs to go as he has it easy living rent free and nice bedroom with all meals. My son says he will kill him self if I throw him out. Every single day we argue and scream and shout and he promises that he will get help but he never attends any of the meetings. He did a month of rehab but came home and went straight back on it. Is there any recovering ketamine addicts out there that can give me advice please. Every single morning I wake up and don’t want to get up and face the day. I go to his room and think here we go again.
Dearest ansid
It is good that you have accepted you have no control over what your son does we are powerless
You didn’t cause it .. you can’t control it … and you can’t cure it … don’t know if I said look up ambiguous grief I learned that on here …
Your marriage is worth saving don’t loose a good marriage because of your sons actions ..
Ask him if he would go to relate it’s a marriage guidance they are very good …
I had to block and delete my addict daughter I found the strength to do that on here I was completely broken distraught ready for a complete breakdown sometimes incapable of speech I would open my mouth to scream and nothing would come out … I walked in the rain through the streets and you know my addict daughter didn’t give a jot to put it politely all she cared about was her drugs I got cancer in recovery and again despite her saying I am going to take care of you .. ( this was for show in front of one of her counsellors she was in rehab ) of course it didn’t happen I had to look after myself which wasn’t easy with massive doses of chemotherapy… The kindness of strangers helped me get through it all especially the people on this forum they are truly beautiful people and all they want is for you to be saved from your addict’s addiction if that makes sense we all help each other ..
Your addict will strip you and leave you with nothing … you are no longer talking to your son your talking to the drugs
If you get in touch with admin they will send you some literature they are the same as us they give of themselves freely beautiful people and there are live meetings and zoom meetings
Please keep posting you are no longer alone …
Lesleerose
Hi Dennis and a big hug welcome to the forum
It really doesn’t matter what drugs the addict is addicted too my experience is my addict daughter at the end of the day she tried everything addicts are like that they go from one drug to another .. I come on here for my addict daughter well over 20 years now and she also threatened to kill herself on a few occasions once she overdosed on purpose and the ambulance paramedics used those electric pads 3 times to bring her back …I had to eventually put my daughter out physically mentally financially and spiritually I was dying inside … 2 years ago I deleted her and blocked her and you no that’s ok because I refuse to go to that dark place again until she is ready the drugs will always come first
Look up ambiguous grief I learned that on here
Please stay with us if you contact admin they will send you literature there is also literature to buy education is your answer for now …
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
Thank you Lesleerose, on your suggestion, I did look up ambiguous grief and it is absolutely what I am going through and has helped a little to put some real context to my pain … I won’t give up on marriage, but will also allow myself the time to grieve as grief (ambiguous) is what I am experiencing, thank you for your support x.
@Dennis … I understand your pain not wanting to let go of your son and watching him destroy himself is beyond bearable , my heart goes out to you … Please find support for you wherever you can x
Last edited by ANAID777 on Sun Feb 11, 2024 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
Thank you anaid
I will be 25 years sober on the 14th of February I am in recovery … so it’s a good day for your first meeting… I promise it does become bearable you get stronger …I come to famanon because of my addict daughter…
Your life will take on a new meaning and the pain you are going through will make you spiritually stronger
That is my experience
Lots of love in Famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
You're going through what each and every one of us on this forum has either been through, or is still going through. It is a life which is unlivable for us.
Please prioritise yourselves, and find ways of coming through this hell. It can be difficult in a marriage, if one partner disagrees somewhat with the other, and with regard to my son's addiction (he never lived with us by the way), then my husband was much more inclined to be sympathetic and give him more chances than I was. He still is.
We tried everything possible, spent thousands upon thousands of pounds, found him accommodation which we paid for in two different places in the country, paid for groceries and settled debts which he had incurred, as well as giving him boundless amounts of support and information about how he could recover, including taking him to an NA meeting, but nothing worked.
He is choosing differently. I haven't seen him for four and a half years, although he does not live far away. We still tend to get abuse in Instagram messages, or should I say my husband does, because I am having nothing to do with it.
I dealt with everything at the time, and when I look back, I am astounded at how I had everything under control, but now, now that I have some peace, any contact at all which he makes sends me spiralling downwards, with awful symptoms of anxiety and panic.
You MUST protect yourselves. On here, we will all help.
It is only the addict who can help himself or herself, although we don't know that at the time. I am afraid that we do now. P.
Thank you all for your support it is greatly appreciated. I have reported my son missing as a vulnerable adult as overall this is what he is. I will do my best to keep a connection with him, without enabling his addiction any further. I will do my best to keep myself strong and support my grandson. I am but must carry on
Hi Anaid, I have read your posts and am sorry you are going through a terrible time sorry not to have posted to you before only some days I can only do a few things at a time and though I want to reply to everyone I do get tired. I know the hell it puts you through and have been there myself, truthfully it does become easier to some extent but on occasions the anxiety still stays with me. You have done the right thing reporting your son missing although he will probably return at some point probably when he blows all the PIP pay-out and is broke he will be looking where he can turn next. You must talk with your husband and get yourselves back on track as he will provide you with your support network which will benefit you a lot. I know the feeling when you talk of your grand-son as to me they are the ones that end up having to live with this when they have some understanding at the moment he is really young so for now just tell him that Daddy is poorly and that he will see him soon. I have had my daughter trying to contact me recently as for the first time since all this began a dealer that is owed money turned nasty to her. I will never hand over money to any dealer she can sort it out herself. In the years before my grand-children went into the care system I spent about £15.000s keeping the children fed and decently clothed it was probably more than that and that was the money being saved for when they were a bit older to give them something of a start as they would have nothing from their mother. i have had to start trying to save them something again now but it will only be a few thousand as my house needs quite a bit done and I need new furniture and blinds. Anyway Anaid just take care look after yourself and only take a day at a time, an hour or even half an hour at a time as all of this exhausts us but we fight on we keep going and will not give up till the second of our last breath. No mater what I am grateful for my life and glad to be alive even on my worst of days. Take Care 2Splendour
, I have had to finally accept I have done all I can to support my son and that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the fact, he is hell bent on self destruction. He has no idea of the true cost to his own life, that of his own child’s and to me… my Marriage is also falling apart because my husband, who is not his father, does not understand the extent of my grief. I feel alone and traumatised, but somehow I have to dig deep and be strong … 
… Please find support for you wherever you can 
in Famanon fellowship 