Frightened

[ANAID777]

Dear AD,

You are clearly a very loving caring grandmother and great grandmother. I truly empathise your family are going through a most stressful and traumatising time. While it is understandable you want to support your granddaughter, your absolute priority must be your little great granddaughter who sadly is being impacted and will continue to be, while her mother is unable to prioritise her needs. I am a social worker myself and personally I also sadly realise how difficult it is for families in this position.

I had to assist my own grandsons mother at one stage to involve social services to ensure my grandsons care and contact with his father (my son) was safe and supported (by myself). Even though I supported my son to access treatment for his addiction this was not enough, he has now been missing for over a month and he has ceased all contact with his child. While I am beyond heartbroken and worried about my son, my grandson must be my priority as he is only 5. We are all clear as a family, my son will now only have direct contact, if or when he chooses active treatment and even then any contact would need to be carefully considered and supervised/supported as the emotional harm for my grandson has already been too much given his father has now in effect disappeared. We have had to talk to a 5 year old about his father having “problems” and this is why he cannot see him for now, simply heartbreaking.

By involving Social Services, it may be the wake up call your granddaughter needs and she will be supported to access relevant services which will be her choice. Ultimately you will be doing your best to ensure your great granddaughter is as safe as possible, and this must take priority. I wish you love and strength and I urge you and your daughter seek professional support and intervention. Your granddaughter will hopefully understand why you both have had no choice but to take this course of action. You will be supported as a family with regard to your little great granddaughter.

Love Anaid xx

[AD2024]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have never in my life experienced anything like this. We were such a loving family. My granddaughter used to care for the elderly. She often went above and beyond the call of duty. She often had her dad making 1pot dishes for them to make sure they had a decent meal. Even wanted to bring them home at Christmas. Now she does not function at all. Since they have been staying with me I have noticed how her partner speaks to her. He talks to as she she was a child. Telling her she needs to do the dishes or she needs to make a phone call. She cannot think for herself. I know eventually ss will be involved but I am holding on to the hope that Thursdays meeting starts her on the road to recovery. I will keep posting as I am really scared of what the outcome will be. thank-you everyone for reading and helping

[Poetry]

Stay with us. NO judgement. We will support you and you will get through this. Love P.

[dramaqueen]

Keep posting AD - you are doing so well to reach out like this. Fantastic that Anaid is a social worker and able to share a relatable story. This forum is a life saver.

DQ

[Exhausted!!]

AD2024.

At 78, this is so unfair on you and not good for your health, having them under your roof. I can't imagine the stress.

Please think of your health. xxx

[Concernedmum]

This is so awful for you all, and the little one involved. My heart goes out to you.

Please re read Annaid post where she shares her experience of SS. It is so hard but possibly the only thing that will protect the little one and give the wider family a chance of protecting her against further harm. Of course your granddaughter will not consent to a referral but in my experience this is a safety measure for you all.

I would also be thinking about your own safety in your home...are you a vulnerable adult yourself now? Are they stealing from you? So many concerns for your family. Please keep posting and letting us know you are ok.

cM

[AD2024]

Well my granddaughter went to the meeting yesterday. She said it went OK. Not someone who says a lot. My greatgranddaughter has gone to nursery today first time this week she has had a cough and cold. Because the nursery is near where they lived I take them and bring them back. They stay over there while she at nursery. 12.30 to 3.30 14 mile round trip twice a day somtimes 3 times. I hate it as all their cronies live there. She has just phoned to say don't pick them up till later than normal she is taking her to the park with her friend. I have said no I will go and pick them up and go to park with them . She wasn't very happy but I don't trust them. Am I being paranoid. They are supposed to be giving the house up. They haven't paid me a penny yet they are eating me out oh house and home. I asked her partner where the child allowance has gone and he says she gambled it. I think I trust him less than her. She has started building a relationship up again with her daughter and she has been slightly better. Why am I feeling guilty

[lesleerose]

Dearest AD
You are becoming entangled in their illness that’s where the guilt comes from it’s an evil corroding thread that comes with addiction..
You have to step back here you are not able for this horror …
Unfortunately you can’t save your granddaughter only she can do that … I am glad she went to the meeting ( if she went ) you have to let them go they will bring you down … all they care about is their drugs …
Why not sit down with your daughter and tell her the truth you cannot do these trips 3 times a day you’re not able …
This is a nightmare for you and you are in my prayers
This is not your fault …
Can you call the pensioner helpline this is terrible abuse of an elderly lady and am not young myself at 65
Please take care of yourself AND PLEASE DON’T LET THEM GIVE THEIR HOME UP you cant live like this …
Yours in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose

[LM66]

Hi AD

This is not a healthy situation for you to be in. I know you want to help her, but she has to want to help herself first, and she's not at that point. She is going through the motions - and that is all.
You will end up on your knees, and they will happily bleed you dry. That's what addicts do.
Please, think of your own health first.
Much Love
L x

[AD2024]

Thank you again for your replies. She did go to the meeting because I made sure and took her. I waited for her. I have come to realise that it's twhe weekends where the situation gets worse. Again I picked them up from nursery and again her partner wasn't with her I asked where he was and she said he had to go somewhere with one of his friends. We came home and my great grandaughters friend came for tea so I knew then I would be taking her back and picking him up to bring him home. At about 7pm we took the little friend home. I picked my purse up and found money missing. I challenged her and of course she denied it. I got upset because as a pensioner money isn't in abundance. . Her conscience must have kicked in and she said I haven't had it but here I give you what I've got. I took it. When we were taking the friend home in the car I could tell by how she was talking she had had a drink. Don't know where from no alcohol in my house. She must have brought it home from school from her house. I asked her and she admitted she had. For some reason she started telling me the reason why she does these things she is so unhappy and scared. Her partner got in car as if nothing was wrong. I told him she had been drinking and he started questioning her. She was crying. I told her my great grandaughter was in car and not to carry on. When we got home took her daughter to my daughters while they sorted their problems out. All is quiet now see what tomorrow brings. Thanks for listening

[Concernedmum]

Dear AD,

I am really worried about YOU. You told us you are 78 years old and you are up and writing your post at 4am. This cannot be healthy for you and I suspect you were up worrying and not sleeping while the addict and partner are asleep in your home.

Please please talk to your daughter and get some help. You should not be chauffeuring the addicts about and spending your pension on this life ....or being stolen from and abused...that is what is happening.

Please keep posting and look after YOU

CM

[LM66]

Bang on CM!

[AD2024]

Well last night/early morning things went from bad to worse. I told her partner he had to leave. He did. She got up at 10am got dressed. I told her he had gone and that she could stay or chose to go with him. So here we are left holding the baby. I have finally given up. We are going to seek professional help. We hope and pray that we can keep our darling toddler. My daughter and son in law and I are heart broken. We are and always have been a close family but its broken Thank you all for your kind words.

[Paulette]

Dear AD

It is heart breaking and you have done the right thing. Very hard to do and very necessary. Well done.

You are also right to get professional help. There is every chance that you would be able to keep the toddler. In the decisions you just made, and the actions you took, you have shown that you want to protect the toddler. That is very important. Social Services don't like removing children from their families unless they have little choice. I suggest you get advice about how to work with social services to keep the toddler. Family Rights Group website and advice line have a lot of very good information for family carers (often called kinship carers), including the legal processes you may need to follow.

Keep posting. We are all with you.

Sending a virtual hug

Pxx

[Concernedmum]

Hi AD,

I know this is awful and you and your daughter feel broken right now, but I am so relieved that something has changed. You are all much safer now and can concentrate on the toddler.

It's the weekend and services are not about, and legally your granddaughter can come and take the little one.

Can I suggest that you contact the local emergency SS number and tell them that as a family, you have the little one. Then the situation is registered. There will be an emergency number of the local council website. Hopefully, you will have a peaceful rest of the weekend and you can discuss with social worker and health visitor on Monday
However, if she demands her baby back over the weekend, please call the Police. They have the power to remove her from her mother's care in an emergency. And this would mean they will likely place with th family. I know it all sounds dramatic, but legally she holds the cards right now. Hopefully she will not realise this, and will just stay away with her partner and leave you all in peace.

You have been incredibly strong and brave in this awful situation. Well done.

Now look.after yourselves and the toddler.

CM